Relationship breakdown due to financial difficulties?

Nothing to do with me, but over the past few months (maybe ive just become aware a bit more)

ive heard a lot of couples, breaking up, considering breaking up and using lines such as

"if the business goes down, I dont think I can be with him any more"
"we just didnt have enough money so we drifted apart"

Without trying to turn it into a woman bashing thread (which Im good at)

why does lack of money cause so many rifts? what happened to till death to us part

my parents were poor when they were young, and they stuck togehter,
not too sure if they went through extreme financial hardship though..

discuss

 

Swipe right, next partner.

 

Extremely common - it's not just a one way street either.
I've seen many males outspend which put huge pressure on the relationships.
Also with different reasons for the financial pressure.
- Gambling
- Drugs
- Alcohol
- Loss of employment
- Failure of business

 

I guess it depends on what your common goals and purpose is. If a lot of is money, lifestyle, convenience and material focused then those are the glue that hold your relationship together. When they go it is understandable that people break up.

There is nothing wrong with pursuing these things, I know that unless there is a deeper purpose beyond them then it all seems a bit pointless and superficial.

 

Lack of commitment

Taking the "easy option"

People think they have too many choices these days (like the kids think)

The grass isn't actually greener on the other side
And it's just as hard to mow

 

Well.......we went through some extreme financial hardships, and I can tell you now, that it wasn't pleasant. The thing is, that we both worked together through it & we didn't blame each other for our predicament.

The main reason is not the lack of money, rather the lack of trust and commitment as well as differing views on how much money is discretionary. If I'm penny pinching to stretch the dollars until the next pay packet & my partner goes out & spends big at the pub, hairdresser, on clothes, gambling etc.....then I'm going to be ******. This will undoubtedly cause arguments.

 

Yes it doesnt take difficulty. Just mismatched attitudes to money will cause arguments.

 

Doesnt help if one partner is a saver and another is a spender.
Different people also have different levels of risk.
One partner might have a high level whilst the other does not want to carry higj levels of debt.

 

I can't see @Bargain Hunter spending up big at the barbers

 

On one level, I agree with you, while at another, I don't. Let me explain.....

When we got married, hubby was a spender, and I was a saver. A clear difference of money attitudes, however in his family, his father handed over the pay packet to his mother & she looked after the finances, so it was more-or-less expected that he would do the same, which he did.

So, when things got bad, he just survived on what little money I gave him each week. He never once complained. We were in this together & he trusted me to get us through it.....which we did. At one stage it was petrol money only, and that lasted for many years. He took lunches with him to work & spent nothing at all, while I looked after getting us through the hard times.

 

I am fortunate enough to have never experienced extreme financial hardship

easier said than done, but if my partner had a business that went down the tube, I would do my best to help, and if I was sure that it was going down, I would get plan B into place, eg me taking a second job, etc
However, if I was down to my last 10k for example, and she said "I just need 10k more to keep the business afloat" id probably say no, for the security of our future, and not becoming homeless

however, if I had a PPOR and she was suggesting to put it as collateral, id probably say no, as the house looks after more than just me

edit: I think that going through fianncial hardhsip and getting through it would make me more attracted to my partner, but if they gave up and ran away or took the easy way out, id probably lose a lot of respect for her

 

The reason people give for their relationship failures is not always the actual reason, (whether or not they realise that).
Plus, can't compare generations who had different attitudes to divorce. My mother, born in 1925, stayed with my father, born in 1909, until he died and it wasn't for love. In those days women did not leave a marriage, because of the children.
A lot of marriages seem to be all about the money - look at the ones where they spend $40k on a ceremony and they don't even own a PPOR yet. With that spending mindset they'll need a bit of financial luck to keep things together.
But I agree, it's til death do us part - a marriage is for life so you need to pick someone who you think you can work with as a partnership in life over decades.
Talk about assembling a good team! That's the first recruitment right there.

 

Haha, well.....he DID have hair when we married. Not much of it, mind you. I did buy a home trimmer for his buzz cuts, before he shaved it off. It cost around the same as one trip to the barbers.

 

+1 commented on an advert on TV last night for Citibank - personal loans for weddings OMG. How about, get off insta, FB and anything else, adjust the attitude and invite closest friends or family. A small do at a half decent restaurant & a train ride to the accommodation at the Hydromajestic in the Blue Mountains for the honeymoon (just like the good old days).

 

We got married on the cheap

Venue: Sister 2 backyard
Caterers: Mum, Sister 1, Sister 2
Photography: brother-in-law
Hair & makeup: my matron of honour(old Uni friend who had trained at Madame Korner)
Dress: made by Mum from a Vogue pattern and she had hand woven the fabric
Accommodation for interstate guests: my family's houses

But if you don't have a very skilled or kind family then I guess you pay dollars!

 

"Not you , but a friend "
Would not it be easier to refer them to this site instead of going through you ? (Or is it really you?)

 

Ummmm....No, its not me, nor a friend
Does it really matter?

 

That the way some think I do ,if you work as a team no matter what happens most will work their way through the hard times and come out the other end stronger ,the ones that think it's better to finish it as the grass seems always more greener on the other side are still looking for someone to blame till the next ATM card comes along..

 

Our wedding was a cheapie as well.

I bought the dress from a hire company that was getting rid of stock, cake & photography were supplied by friends. Reception was a cheap buffet at the local bowls club. We had direct relatives only with, I think, two friends on either side, to keep numbers to a minimum.

 

For me I think it is an awareness that you are doing things now, that will benefit you in the future.

If spending it all now (or doing whatever) is a higher priority, that suggests to me that having a future together is less important?