Relationship: am i being unreasonable?

Smothered is probably the wrong word

Just a bit overwhelemd at times and need my space. I dont need weeks or months

Like the other night i worked 12 hrs straight and didnt eat much. Came home.and she was telling me somethinf very exciting and i fell asleep in the middle of the conversation.
I felt bad

Its times like this i need my space for everyones benefit; )

 

Maybe she needs to take on another lover? One person can't fulfill all our needs.

 

I think wanting your own space is normal for any relationship. She probably seems full on at the moment because you're not living together so when you do see each other you've got to pack a week or days worth of catching up into a night or however long you see each other just to catch up on life's happenings and there's no down time.

Whereas if you live together it will probably be a different dynamic where you will have your up time with each other and your down time - you don't need to be in each others' pockets every moment of the day.

I'm not the hugest people person either and savour my alone time and my husband does also - we do stuff together but we also do stuff apart and even though we live together there are some nights when we're both in the house but we don't see each other because we're each doing our own thing.

 

Then think about how you'd say it without being offensive ... and sit down for a proper talk.

I admit that hubby used to travel for work one week a month ... and I really miss that "week off" now that he stopped (not that I'd ever tell him) ... instead my "down time" has to be taken in shorter periods during the working day.

Fortunately I work from home so can take some "me" time off when required

 

Refer her to Ashley Maddison

 

its in these times the phrase 'sharing is caring' becomes appropriate

 

If you want to live separately, because that is where you are in your life, then just tell her that.

If she can't accept that, and for her it's all or nothing, then she can move on. Which is also okay. You both need to do what is best for yourselves as individuals.

You are guaranteed to head directly towards a breakup at a rapid pace if you (or she) does something either of you don't want to do.

Despite what some people are saying, moving in together - or even entertaining the idea - is not about compromise.

Moving in together is a major step and not something you just experiment with for a couple of months to see how it goes. It's a major commitment and a really really really big deal to some people.

Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where compromise isn't possible. You're either living together or you're not.

 

I will throw my 2 cents worth in. DONT DO IT.

 

Tmnt , does she know you have houses? Doe s she have some?

 

These decisions affect both your futures.

Is this a matter of timing? I.e. I may want to move in together one day but not yet?

If you can never see yourself wanting to move in together with her then you need to be honest and tell her clearly that it will never happen.

Sounds to me as if you need a frank discussion on where each of you sees this relationship heading.
Marg

 

Yes. But the true figure not.
Yes she has 1

 

One day once the kids get older maybe?
As we all go through stages in our life, who knows how we feel in 5 years or 10 or even 2

 

Look, believe it or not I am single (no, not a hint to the ladies).

But It wasn't long ago that this stud master also failed to show enough committment. Guess what happened? I got the flick.

Sure, it hurt but there are things that can take the edge off that. Now, life is fantastic. Yeah the housing boom helped but the single life is the greatest thing god created.

 

You know what, I read this and just thought - game over. If that's how you feel about her, then that's that. If you wanted to live with her, you'd know.

I'm not saying you should finish the relationship or anything, but if you know you don't want to live with someone, why do it? Especially with kids involved.

 

It's not game over, you can drag this out for a while longer!

 

Just build a panic room out the back of the ppor,and start collecting cask wine..

 

Because it's entirely possible to have a relationship where you don't live together? Why is living together mandatory?

 

I quite liked it when my partner was living in Canberra during the week for work for about 6 months last year and I had the whole house to myself. But now I've readjusted again. I still do as I please whenever I want though.

He hates me looking at or using my phone in bed in the morning, and I wake up say 6 or 6.30am, he often sleeps in till 8amish.... he doesnt even turn on the wifi till at least 7am to stop me from using it... man, he even kinda yells at me for it. At the moment i've used up 90% of my phone data for the month... and I work off calendar months... i'm always going over my limit... if only he'd wake up early there would be no issues with it.... I mean the sun is already up at that time, its no longer night, its daytime for goodness sake...

 

Maybe wake up at 4.30 in the morning and watch the sun come up ,because it all comes down to control and understanding ,and if your not both on the same path then it's not going to get any better..

 

I think your preference sounds reasonable (extrapoliting this to a problem with all women isnt though).

How old are all the kids? What do they want?

Blended families can be really really hard on the kids. I think thats a good enough reason to say no.