Health & Family Quitting alcohol and social life

I'm glad I'm not the only one who just hasn't struck any problems with this when I was working. I'm a woman though, so perhaps it is more a "blokey" thing? But I was in the corporate world. I didn't drink much, sometimes a rum and coke, and often just soft drink.

Socially it was never a problem. Work drinks were always social. Perhaps it has more to do with networking than the social type of events where you are catching up with friends who know you aren't a big drinker?

 

I've normally had very few problems

But over Christmas, I was with daughter's inlaws. FIL could not cope with me not drinking, even though the same thing happens frequently. Every time we meet, he's asking me if I want a drink. It happened on several times on Christmas day. I was given a bottle of Jim Beam.

At one stage, he stated that I'm not a real man if I don't drink.

 

Sounds like a man who likes to drink needing to justify his drinking to a man strong enough to stand up and state he doesn't want to drink.

 

He doesn't drink very much himself. In a way, he's probably stronger than me, because he can have just one or two drinks.

 

Go figure. What a strange comment to make then if that is the case...

 

Travelling through Asia for work back when I was in the corporate world was quite enlightening - drinking heavily was "how business is done" in many areas I found. I recall late night drinking excursions with clients or local business managers in Seoul, Singapore, Beijing and Shenzhen.

Fortunately I've been out of that corporate world for a long time now and none of our social circle are heavy drinkers - or perhaps we just don't get invited to social events where heavy drinking is expected? Doesn't bother me - wouldn't want to be there anyway.

My mum was never able to drink due to liver problems - but was quite anti-alcohol anyway after her childhood where her father's abuse of alcohol caused a massive mount of grief for the family. Dad's family were Lutheran farmers and so liked their beer and wines - but Dad was never a heavy drinker anyway (probably more my mum's influence) - I have never seen him have more than a glass or two of wine.

My wife's parents had similar stories - being exposed to extended family who had alcohol problems made them very negative towards it - I've never seen either of my in-laws drink alcohol at all.

I find that alcohol doesn't agree with me anyway - don't seem to be able to digest it. If I have even a small amount, it will repeat on me for the next 24 hours. Even some types of vanilla essence has a bit of alcohol in it and repeats terribly on me! So I generally avoid alcohol these days because it's not a pleasant thing.

I don't have a problem with people drinking alcohol. I do have a problem with people being idiots.

I think a large part of the whole "not trusting someone who doesn't drink" is more about control - if you are drinking along with everyone else, then you are presumably losing control along with them and everyone is "equal". If you are the only one maintaining control, then it could be taken as you seeking to manipulate the others - you hold the power because you aren't drunk, and that makes others nervous. At least that's how I interpret some of the sentiment I've experienced over the years. Games people play.

 

The new Carlton Zero beer is quite tolerable (in small quantities). It actually has .01% alcohol - it would take 45 of those to give you as much alcohol as a standard normal beer. It's a good drink when coming inside after working in the garden.

 

Probably more just "insensitive" then? Can't understand why you might choose to abstain rather than expose yourself to the risk of over-consumption? (ie just doesn't "get it" ?)

 

I'm not even sure why it should even be a topic of conversation over again. Yes, he doesn't "get it". But we've had the same conversation before. When pushed, I've said more than once that I've previously had a problem. That should be the end of the topic.

He's an older guy from a different culture. I like him, and my daughter has a good partner with his son. I just would like to move on with this issue.

 

My parents were strong teetollers, for religious reasons, like all four grandparents before them. I took up alcohol partly as a rebellion, and partly because I found it helped me to socialise better. I always felt a bit awkward. But then I didn't learn the control that somebody who learnt to drink at home may (or may not?) have learnt.

My father started to drink quite heavily in later years, after my mother went into care. That didn't continue though when he went into care.