Pathological Lying

An ex friend of mine (was my best friend for some time, I was in his bridal party), he told so many lies that it got to the point that as soon as he spoke everyone just rolled their eyes.

A real shame because he could be so lovely but in the end we realised if they lie in front of you, they will lie behind your back and that can be damaging. We cut him loose in the end but for the next 18 months until he move back to America he kept chasing the friendship.

He would do anything to help someone but the lies just got so out of control, the number of times I would say something technically incorrect just so that he looked like an idiot when he verbatim regurgitated it like he knew what he was talking about, it became quite a fun sport .

He used to talk all the time about how he was a professional dancer, then that grew into he choreographed freestyle dance, then he starred in plays, then he starred on Broadway, then he was the man from snowy river, then he was the phantom. When I googled him, he won a line dancing comp at a country music festival.

He would lose his job every 6 - 18 months because he could talk his way in easy enough but couldn't back it up with results. Of course within 2 months at every job we were all told how the owner had decided to give him a 33% share in the company in recognition of how good he was.

Like I said, a real shame because there were plenty of times that he was a really sweet and giving person.

 

Iassume he was lying to make himself look better, same as the guy in my situation, I hate people who get ahead on others back/credit/lies/dishonesty

either he is the worlds best liar or the owner is just plain ********, or both

 

All personality disorders can have lying as a common symptom. So sociopaths are actually a personality disorder called Antisocial Personality Disorder.

I dont consult the DSM and do proper assessments like a face to face psychologist. Im just a telephone consellor so I deal with them in a different way.

Lots of different reasons people lie.

My guess with antisocial personality disorder the lying would be a result of a lack of empathy for others so they dont care that its a lie as long as it manipulates the person in the way they want in order to get their desired result.

Very different from borderline persinality disorder or histrionic personality disorder where someone will lie due to a lack of self esteem where they feel they arent good enough without lying. Or they feel lying is required to get the attention they need in order to feel validated and again boost their self esteem.

The underlying low self esteem can be for all sorts of reasons. From previous abuse in which the borderline cliet has internalised the wrong doing as something they were in fact personally responsible for. Creating a pattern of taking responsibility for things that are not their fault for the rest of their lives. Resulting in persistently feeling bad about themselves. Leading to a lot of lies mainly centered around their relationships as they feel deep down the other person will reject them because they are getting close to them and they fear this person will see how bad they are and they will reject them so this bpd individual must lie in order to present themselves as more acceptable.

Histrionic personality disorder is more a need for constant validation of their importance and meaning by everyone. And they will tell whatever lie they must to be the center of attention and get that juicy juicy validation.

People are interesting. Appologies for any spelling mistakes Ive got to take off now and no time to proof read

 

I think that is what my boss had. (Previous boss many years ago)

 

A shame that all of these people dont gravitate towards politics... oh, hang on....

 

I'd say it's a prerequisite

 

disorder or not, there are consequences of lying,

im sure if the consequences caught up with them, they will stop if they dont like it

 

Back in the day when I had a boss who was a pathological liar, the consequences were a promotion. Eventually my boss was dismissed but no for lying. The person who got my boss dismissed was also dismissed for other reasons as retribution. Nasty situation. The liar came out on top. The honest person got shafted. Whoever told you "honesty is the best policy" was lying.

 

true I agree,

in my case, three other staff who werent perfect were dismissed for other non fair reasons when they got into a dispiute with this patholigcal liar,
in the end I got involved in it to , and I didnt come out on top.

was a very unfair situation however, and borderline ridciculous

however I moved on and although I admit I lost, I dont let it dictate my future and I moved on

maybe things will catch up with him one, who knows, but I wont be around to care!

 

This is the best approach. Sometimes it is better to walk away than fight a losing battle. In my case where I could see that liars were rewarded, I had to accept that either I would not progress in that organisation or I could walk away. I am not prepared to lie my way to the top.

 

Not necessarily. For some of these people it's the only tool they know of to get what they want.

If their lying blows up a relationship or a job. They will still continue to lie in new situations because they dont know of any other healthy way to get their needs met.

That is why psychological interventions are worthwhile, because they teach the individual healthy ways of meeting their needs.

Lying isnt the only unhealthy way to meet your needs. There are many. Just think of drug use.

Would you still say "im sure if the consequences caught up with them, they will stop if they dont like it".

Thats just not how people work. Some, if not all, drug addicts continue their drug taking despite a long line of consequences.

 

obviously, I am not an expert remotely in this field, and you are, so my opinions are purely based on my observations and beliefs, I am also fortunate to not have any one with mental issues in my family or with close friends, except one, which is managed with medication since a kid

to me drugs is a chemical addiction, once you start it your body craves it because its the chemical makeup of it.

as for lying, if one day you lose your job or similar and it keeps on happening, then consequences means you either stop lying or keep on rolling the dice

and yes, i know its not going to go down well with other people, but for liars, I have absolteuly no sympathy for them if the consequences caught up with them, other people are honest and get to where they get to based on the truth, if someone who has got there through lying, then they should fall to the bottom and even further

and before you say so is lying, you could say that for everything, someone who cant stop stealing from their workplace for example

 

I think you are mixing up an explanation of the disordered way of thinking with an approval.

Just because you understand something doesnt make it permissable.

A certain amount of empathy is required to understand how to appropriately respond. But that doesnt remove the need for society to have healthy boundaries and consequences.

Say for example I use to have a girlfriend with borderline personality disorder. She cheated on me. I understood the underlying disordered thinking, but that didnt stop me from ending the relationship.

However when it comes to actually treating/rehabilitation of these people an understanding of the underlying condition is needed.

 

There's a joke about psychologists.

Its goes like this.

A man laid beaten almost to death on the footpath after being robbed. A psychologist was walking past and saw the dying man. The psychologist runs up to the man and says "where did your assailant go he needs my help".

 

This is a quote from a second hand book i have..
The best revenge on a liar is to convince them you believe what they have just said..

 

That's why I wonder whether it's better to say outright that you know it's a lie. I say, "I don't believe that." It gives them a chance to correct themselves in some way. I kind of feel sorry for people who lie - I think they think that everyone lies and they're just doing what everyone else does.
I'm honest to a fault but don't know how to do it any other way.

 

Back in the day when I worked for the liar boss, my mate confronted that person. Boss demanded to see the evidence and then said:

Don't accuse me of lying without any evidence.
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Classic! We laugh about it now but it was stressful at the time.

 

You're between a rock and a hard place when it's your boss. Having a boss puts you into a trace-like state at the best of times.

 

I asked to be moved to another section. New boss was worse. Asked to be moved. New boss was worse. I started having a nervous breakdown but because a close friend of mine has actually had a nervous breakdown, I recognised the warning signs early. I got out of there. I wasn't going to have a nervous breakdown over working for a crappy boss.

 

This won't make sense to anyone but just venting....

He lied again today, I just dismissed it and asked him if he replaced the incorrect copy .....he said YES....
He knows I know
Mind games