Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by HD_ACE, 18th Jun, 2015.

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  1. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    willair, 4th Sep, 2020
    #501
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  2. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    Absolute confusion in Mt Druitt on that day. Six dads visiting one house, lining up on the porch.." I pay you child support therefore I got the right to visit one of your six kids".

    lol
     
    datto, 4th Sep, 2020
    #502
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  3. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    A woman flies into her driveway and screeches to a halt. Excitedly, she runs inside her house and tells her husband "I won lotto! pack your bags"

    The equally excited husband replies "shall I pack winter or summer clothes?"

    The wife says "I don't care, just get the hell out of my house"

    lol
     
    datto, 4th Sep, 2020
    #503
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  4. Vertigo

    Vertigo Well-Known Member

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    are you speaking from experince?
    lol ex
     
    Vertigo, 4th Sep, 2020
    #504
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  5. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    No. She wouldn't have been that kind. She would have got her new boyfriend to kick me out:(
     
    datto, 4th Sep, 2020
    #505
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  6. Stoffo

    Stoffo Well-Known Member

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    FIXED :cool::p:D:eek::rolleyes:;)
    (Or you can tell us the truth, about the lawyer....)
    sorry pal
     
    Last edited: 4th Sep, 2020
    Stoffo, 4th Sep, 2020
    #506
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  7. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    No, no apologies needed. It's best to face these things as they are are, aarree AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH! That's better.
     
    datto, 4th Sep, 2020
    #507
  8. MicrowaveJenny

    MicrowaveJenny Well-Known Member

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    Dad joke alert....


    If you see a robbery in an Apple phone shop, does that make you an iWitness?


    Did you know the first ever French fries were not fried in France, they were fried in Grease
     
    MicrowaveJenny, 6th Sep, 2020
    #508
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  9. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Apple tried to be innovative when it launched it's competitor site to Google Reviews, it was called i-rate. It copped bad reviews.
     
    Scott No Mates, 6th Sep, 2020
    #509
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  10. Mark F

    Mark F Well-Known Member

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    Seems appropriate for this site.

    [​IMG]
     
    Mark F, 8th Sep, 2020
    #510
  11. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    My son's maths teacher was recently excluded from school for a mathematical error. :eek:(It's an extremely strict school)

    The poor chap had a sniffle & got a covid test, results were negative :D Symptoms persisted.

    A week later there was a second test, also negative. :D:D

    Apparently, as a maths teacher he broke the rule that two negatives makes a positive :oops:
     
    Scott No Mates, 10th Sep, 2020
    #511
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  12. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Smithy worked in a pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his !!! ;) !!! in the pickle slicer.

    Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

    After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised George to go ahead - do it -or he would probably never ever have any peace of mind.

    The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sarah, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

    George tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his !!! ;) !!! in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

    Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact !!! ;) !!!.

    She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

    Smithy replied, "I think she got fired too! :eek:
     
    Scott No Mates, 10th Sep, 2020
    #512
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  13. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    What about the fella who was employed by the circus as a human cannon ball.......he got fired.

    Then worked as a masseur but again lost his job because he was rubbing customers the wrong way,
     
    datto, 10th Sep, 2020
    #513
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  14. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    I couldn't get into my acupuncture class because I forgot my pin.
     
    geoffw, 14th Sep, 2020
    #514
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  15. MicrowaveJenny

    MicrowaveJenny Well-Known Member

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    IMG_20200915_065932.jpg
     
    MicrowaveJenny, 15th Sep, 2020
    #515
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  16. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    datto, 17th Sep, 2020
    #516
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  17. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    FB_IMG_1600327902262.jpg
     
    geoffw, 17th Sep, 2020
    #517
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  18. Gockie

    Gockie Life is good ☺️ Premium Member

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    it's going to be a smartwatch very soon.
     
    Gockie, 17th Sep, 2020
    #518
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  19. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    Followed shortly after by widespread augmented reality. Bogans will be bumping into walls more often.
     
    datto, 17th Sep, 2020
    #519
  20. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    FB_IMG_1601007978993.jpg
     
    geoffw, 25th Sep, 2020
    #520
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