Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Even though this was pre-Covid is there still "work" out there?

 

A fella with no arms applies for a job to ring the church bell 6 times a day.

He is interviewed by the priest who asks how he can ring the bell with no arms and it’s up 4 storeys? The fella replies I don’t care how high it is, I got legs and I’ll just hit the bell with my face to ring it.

He gets the job and works at the job for 3 months when one day he goes to ring the bell and slips over. He falls 4 storeys to the pavement below.

A crowd gathers round him. A policeman then arrives at the scene and turns the poor fella over. He then asks the crowd if anyone recognised him.

One person yells out “ I’m not sure but his face rings a bell”

 

I got no comeback ^^^^^^

 

A bit of a Fender bender.

 

Fixed.

 

Stop it!

OK I wont do any more jokes.

 

A very successful oilman dies. He faces Saint Peter, who says, “You’ve been a good man and normally I’d send you to heaven, but heaven is full, we only have a place in hell.” The oilman says, “any chance I could talk to other oilmen who are in heaven?” Maybe I can convince someone to switch places with me?” Saint Peter says, “It’s never happened before, but sure, I don’t see any harm in it.”

The oilman goes to heaven, finds an oilmen convention and yells, “They found a huge oil discovery in hell!” Oilmen are stampeding out of heaven to hell, and our oilman is running with them. Saint Peter asks him “Why are you going to hell with them? I have a spot in heaven, you can stay.” The oilman answers – “Are you kidding, what if it’s true?”

 

I was pondering the rise and fall of ancient civilisations with my son and was left wondering about what happened in Methopotamia?

 

Whats brown and sticky?




..a stick.

 

At the end of the tax year, the Australian Tax Office sent a tax inspector to audit the books
of a local hospital.

While the taxman was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the
hospital and said: “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there.
What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of
any use?"

"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them
back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us
a free roll."

"Oh," replied the taxman, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
had a practical answer.

However, he was now well mounted on his favourite hobby horse and ready
to be critical. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left
over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the executive, who actually hadn't a clue, but rising to the
challenge. "We save that too, and send it back to the manufacturer and every
so often they send us a free bag of plaster."

"My, my, an answer for everything!" responded the auditor, who also fancied
himself a bit of a wit. "What do you do with all the remains from the
circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive.
What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office,
and about once a year they send us a complete prick."

 

Love when humour is used to shine a light on truths which otherwise go unsaid. When wokes and racists agree on everything.

Code:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev373c7wSRg

 

To resist him from ever doing it again.

 

Watt do you think he might try next?

Pole volting?