Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by HD_ACE, 18th Jun, 2015.

Join Australia's most dynamic and respected property investment community
Page 18 of 56
  1. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    11,679
    Location:
    Newcastle
    I've seen bunnier
     
    geoffw, 21st Apr, 2019
    #341
  2. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    27,252
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    @geoffw - Had you not been a mod, you'd have been bunned years ago. :rolleyes:
     
    Scott No Mates, 21st Apr, 2019
    #342
    geoffw likes this.
  3. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    11,679
    Location:
    Newcastle
    geoffw, 21st Apr, 2019
    #343
  4. Purple Patch

    Purple Patch Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    19th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    160
    Location:
    Darwin
    upload_2019-4-21_21-57-19.png
     
    Purple Patch, 21st Apr, 2019
    #344
    ellejay and Terry_w like this.
  5. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    20th Sep, 2017
    Posts:
    10,781
    Location:
    Extended Sabatical
    Dr Seer visited his patient in hospital. "Well, Mrs Kafoops" he said, "that naughty iris of yours which helps you to see needs to be replaced. We're a bit short of donors at the moment but I notice it's raining heavily outside so we won't have to wait long."
     
    SatayKing, 28th Apr, 2019
    #345
  6. Purple Patch

    Purple Patch Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    19th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    160
    Location:
    Darwin
    INTERESTING OBSERVATION

    1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
    2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
    3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
    4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
    5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
    And...
    6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

    THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure,
    the smaller your balls become.
    There must be a load of people in in Canberra playing marbles.
     
    Purple Patch, 14th May, 2019
    #346
    3rd Drop, Blacky, craigc and 3 others like this.
  7. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    20th Sep, 2017
    Posts:
    10,781
    Location:
    Extended Sabatical
    Hurumph! I'll have you know my location is..... and as far as I'm concerned your description is way off the mark. So there.

    And you're being sexist. There are a large number of females who occupy those positions. So that must mean they have..... Hmm, let me dwell on that.
     
    Last edited: 14th May, 2019
    SatayKing, 14th May, 2019
    #347
  8. turk

    turk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    926
    Location:
    Brighton
    Breaking News! A pensioner drove his Ford Ute to 100 kmh on the a back road looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

    The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

    The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

    The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "
     
    turk, 19th May, 2019
    #348
    luckyone, Coffee, sharon and 2 others like this.
  9. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    11,679
    Location:
    Newcastle
    At the Pearly Gates.

    First name?
    Niki.
    Last name?
    Lauda.
    LAST NAME?
     
    geoffw, 22nd May, 2019
    #349
    luckyone and Lemmy a fiver like this.
  10. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    27,252
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    He's not even cold yet :eek:

    Has there been any indication of whether there's going to be a burial or had something else in mind?
     
    Scott No Mates, 22nd May, 2019
    #350
  11. euro73

    euro73 Well-Known Member Business Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    6,129
    Location:
    The beautiful Hills District, Sydney Australia
    Last edited by a moderator: 24th May, 2019
    euro73, 23rd May, 2019
    #351
    Scott No Mates, samiam and Gockie like this.
  12. Gockie

    Gockie Life is good ☺️ Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    14,799
    Location:
    Sydney
    Gockie, 23rd May, 2019
    #352
  13. turk

    turk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    926
    Location:
    Brighton
    I don't understand how a cemetery can raise it's funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living....
     
    turk, 3rd Jun, 2019
    #353
    craigc, Purple Patch, Angel and 1 other person like this.
  14. Gockie

    Gockie Life is good ☺️ Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    14,799
    Location:
    Sydney
    5E6F0C2F-17F1-41F6-A6E2-76FB2F970AB9.jpeg
     
    Gockie, 10th Jun, 2019
    #354
    Terry_w likes this.
  15. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    11,679
    Location:
    Newcastle
    A colon in a sentence can completely change the meaning of the sentence.

    For instance:
    Jane ate her friend's sandwich
    vs
    Jane ate her friend's colon
     
    geoffw, 21st Jun, 2019
    #355
    Bunbury likes this.
  16. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    27,252
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    That's just put me off my lunch [​IMG]
     
    Scott No Mates, 21st Jun, 2019
    #356
  17. Terry_w

    Terry_w Lawyer, Tax Adviser and Mortgage broker in Sydney Business Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    42,005
    Location:
    Australia wide
    That's like the 'eats roots and leaves' t-shirts
     
    Terry_w, 21st Jun, 2019
    #357
  18. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    27,252
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    A Polish gent walks into Specsavers for an eyetest.

    The Optician shows him an eyechart, covers his right eye and says "Read the letters in the 2nd bottom row"

    C Z W I N Z N O S T A C Z

    There's a long pause and the optician repeats "can you read it"

    "Read it", says the gent, "I married his sister".
     
    Scott No Mates, 4th Jul, 2019
    #358
    Terry_w likes this.
  19. Gockie

    Gockie Life is good ☺️ Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    14,799
    Location:
    Sydney
    My bank called me today to tell me I had an outstanding balance. I said "thanks, I'm a unicyclist." That was nice of them.
     
    Gockie, 15th Jul, 2019
    #359
    geoffw and Scott No Mates like this.
  20. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    11,679
    Location:
    Newcastle
    Just in case you find somebody who claims to know which way Paradise - perhaps they do.

    Screenshot_20190716-153337-1464x1535.png
     
    geoffw, 16th Jul, 2019
    #360
Page 18 of 56