First home buyer - partner can’t afford

I really regret making this thread now as many people are questioning my intentions and relationship. Just to make it clear:

1. It was my PARTNER’S idea, not mine, to pay rent to me if I buy a place. I was against it for a long time until I came to realise that it’s the logical thing to do
2. I’ve already discussed these things with my partner at length and have no hidden agendas. We’re both on the same page with this.
3. Wanting to protect myself from potentially being screwed over in the future doesn’t make me an uncommitted partner. For a relationship to last we have to plan for all possibilities, not just the best case scenario. This is what we’re trying to do. It’d be crazy to dive into buying a property without considering these things beforehand.

I’m quite shocked that in 2019, people are reacting as though I’m an undedicated partner for wanting to protect myself financially. I’m hurt that people are telling me I should be “single”. I posted this to get advice, not to be judged.

I guess it’s time to give up on the first home owner dream because he’s not in a place to help me out and unlike others here, I don’t feel comfortable footing 100% of someone else’s living expenses on the modest salary I earn. Evidently that means that I’m going to be judged and our relationship is going to be questioned. So I’m putting this dream on the back burner, clearly having a successful relationship and owning a home are incompatable for new couples like us.

 

Some of the comments here are ridiculous. It's a finance question in a finance forum. She didn't ask for relationship advice

I think this is something that's important to consider before moving into a property that you own. As said you will at least need a tenancy agreement agreement and you will have to ensure he does not make any financial contributions towards the property’s value. Renovations etc. As said before, probably best to see a solicitor.

Probably easier just to rent it out instead but then you might miss out on first home buyer incentives?

 

@jinx77 - are either of you intending to upskill to earn a higher income? Is this possible? Or are you/your partner able/in position to take on a second job to increase income?

It is a big step between individual and shared resources and you're well within your rights to seek out advice and opinions as to how this can work and possibly play out.

 

My partner works as a shelf stacker at Woolworths and doesn’t want to change jobs. His plan is to work at Woolies for the rest of his life. I can’t upskill much more because I already have a Master’s. Unfortunately the industry I work in is heavily casualised, to get a better job I’d have to start from scratch in a different field. If I do go through with buying a property then I’d take on a second casual job in my sector.

 

I apologise for being judgmental, yes I could be a bit old fashioned. I think possibly the reason behind some reactions is people are doing this in their head:
Household expenses = 50/50 (no change is an assumption)
Lifestyle expenses = 50/50 or individual (no change is an assumption)
Property expenses = shared (you’re asking about rent to help with mortgage)
Property ownership = you want to maintain 100%

Have you considered that maybe through trying to keep things fair it may in fact have the opposite effect. If you buy something you can afford and he doesn’t pay rent it provides you with:
1. Flexibility to kick him out as you’re not reliant on his income
2. Flexibility for him to leave as he isn’t beholden to you nor need to be guilty about you taking on a mortgage thinking he’ll help pay it
3. You can keep everything 50/50 and not muddy the waters with property expenses and repayments
4. Flexibility for him to save the rent instead and join you in future investments/holidays or improve his own financial goals (big relationship benefits to be had)
5. You both keep your freedom to develop the relationship naturally without speeding things up.

This route would mean you need to accept that you’re not providing him with “free rent”. You’re paying the mortgage in a home you would pay with or without him. If he’s taking a room you would rent out otherwise than this may change things as that is lost income.

 

Don't be ashamed of your job or his job.

Be proud of it!
In fact, enjoy the look on their faces when you tell them how much you earn and what your job is.

I always reply "I'm happy..... are you?"

That usually ends the conversation at that point

 

Honestly I think you'd get 90% of the answers you want within the first hour of an appointment with a family lawyer. A lot of what you're asking is family law 101.

Asking people who aren't family lawyers unfortunately usually ends up netting a lot of random misinformation and judgement - as has sort of happened in this thread I guess.

Source: I am a family lawyer.

 

This thread might be relevant:

Legal Tip 189: Don’t listen to the Armchair experts on Family Law https://www.propertychat.com.au/community/threads/legal-tip-189-dont-listen-to-the-armchair-experts-on-family-law.36659/