Effective Communication

The majority of people live with the illusion that they are easy to get along with, and it's everyone else who is difficult.

This is taking no responsibility and living life through ego.

Everyone tries to protect their ego and one way they do it is by being offended and expecting others to behave in ways that does not offend the ego (it's only the ego that gets offended).

Good communication is when you are able to separate self from ego and own your stuff. "I actually feel angry because...." instead of you made me angry because you are you....

Not being able to communicate from a place of higher self and continuously being offended, invalidating the behavior of other people and living in the denial that you are nothing short of wonderful is the cause of all unhappiness, marriage breakdowns and business failures.

Even if you are a closet fan of mindset techniques, getting communication right is a key to having life work for you in a positive way ......... amongst other things.

agree or not?

 

Agree - but without the mindset stuff you're unlikely to be aware that you are not flawless

I'm a completely out of the closet mindset fan!

 

Yeah I'm pretty out there myself

 

'Everybody communicates, very few connect'
- John Maxwell

 

Listen twice & speak once.....2 ears, 1 mouth...

Couple that with understanding the other POV in the discussion & you get good communication.

 

What about empathy. Lets not forget apathy while we're at it.

"I empathised with the customer".

"I apathised with the bogan".

 

Being selective in who gets your attention is respecting yourself.
Human Connections, meaningful relationships with the right people are important.
Disconnections are just as important.

 

It's easy enough to say go and change the way you are, but most people are a product of their experiences.

Some people were babied too much (eg daddy's little girl or the mumma's boy) and now think they are the centre of the world and expect their partner to carry on this same way that their parent did. They are completely unaware that they are not the centre of the world for everyone else. It is something that has never come into their conscious thought.

Some people were ignored (or abused) by their parents and internalised that they are worthy of being treated badly and there is no reason to speak up since it was not a miscommunication error - it is just the way the world has always treated them and they know no different.

Some people were not allowed to set boundaries while they were growing up. Tomatoes disgusted me, yet my dad would hold a stick over me threatening to beat me if I did not eat them (and I then went to throw it up in the bathroom). He also did not allow me to lock my bedroom door as a teenager and removed the entire door when I did. When you have these kinds of experiences, you learn that you are not allowed to have boundaries or express that something someone else does is not acceptable, and pretty much for the rest of your life when someone crosses a boundary, it is impossible to speak up. It looks like you are not communicating, but it comes from a place that is deep down that is near impossible to fix (and most people will not even know it is not normal because it has been the only way they have known their whole life).

It is difficult (often impossible) to change your personality once you are an adult because your personality was built from the ground up and you can not just knock it down and start again.
Most people have absolutely no idea that they have problems or that other people don't think the same way they do.
The very few that know usually have no idea how to change.
The last tiny minority usually only know because they randomly met someone who is a therapist or has had the same problems and were able to explain it and make them know that they are not normal/healthy and there is a way to fix it and here is how to do it.

In a better world, we would all have a weekly session with a therapist to help deal with our neuroses and have better and more fulfilling relationships with all those around us.

 

Doesn't that one a snob?

 

Whatever label makes you happy Datto.

 

I'm not accusing anyone.

I just thought communication had no barriers. Everyone is treated equal.

 

Hang on ..... but I am perfect.....

 

I know

 

In the real world... Most people only want to speak about themselves, have you noticed..... and not necessarily interested in others, at least this is what I see

 

Even when you do that it's about speaking your truth, be vslnerable, let them judge.

 

Yes however if all parties take the same approach, there is nothing effective about the communication.... it takes just one person to listen twice & speak once to shift from a largely meaningless exchange towards effective communication.

Be the change you want to see..... listen twice & speak once. It's amazing how effective this strategy can be.

 

I agree and I am a very good listener and a psychologist sometimes.
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Do you ever go to parties where people tell you their life story and never ask one question about your life? I do, notice many people are self absorbed.

MTR

 

Absolutely.... most people are a tad too narcissistic for my liking.... If noone is talking about them then they feel compelled to talk about themself.

"Hi, nice to meet you. Please tell me your life story for the next hour....."......... said nobody ever! LOL

 

I agree, be very selective and stay away from negative people