Health & Family Would you care/adopt grandchild again?

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by Stoffo, 16th Oct, 2017.

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  1. Stoffo

    Stoffo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks @Westminster and @wylie
    Yes, we are proud to have had and continue (hopefully) to be part/involved in Aylah's growth, development, education, and family (both indigenous and otherwise).
    I have no children (when Mr's Stoffo is at 4) yet we both still want to support and encourage all (being the children and grandchildren, regardless).
    Aylah's "dad" has the driving support and financial "incentive"(reward for effort )
    from his parents, from various cars to boats ( they have also financed some $130k odd of legals for their unemployed son.....)
    Us, being much younger than the other grandparents, and also having much less family money to throw around (my family are very supportive) though the indigenous family are dysfunctional doesn't help..
    Regrettably, this has taken a financial and more so an emotional (communication) toll on us both.
    Though I hope it makes us (Mr & Mr's Stoffo) stronger, as a couple, family and force to be delt with (in the future) I accept this may well be our demise, sadly.....

    So much for supporting #dryjuly
     
  2. Joynz

    Joynz Well-Known Member

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    I imagine it must be very hard if you feel you weren’t part of the decision at the end? Especially since you have been so involved along the way.

    Has Mrs Stoffo explained how/why this occurred?
     
  3. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    The court will always rule in favour of a biological parent - it was probably a battle not worth fighting, as the father does appear to have cleaned up his act and has parental support. Little Aylah might be just the incentive he needs to keep himself on the right path and create a positive future for them both

    She is adorable and good luck with it all
     
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  4. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

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    Virtual *hugs* @Stoffo! Agree with @Lizzie, the court does often rule in favour of biological parent (I know a couple of people that foster), so your wife may not have had any choice but the one she went with. Visitation may be the best option. I hope it works out for your little girl and I hope your marriage survives once the dust settles.
     
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  5. moridog

    moridog Well-Known Member

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    We’re with you.
     
  6. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    I'm not sure what that means, as it sounds both good and bad...?
     
  7. Stoffo

    Stoffo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all.
    Am still waiting to see how it all looks when the dust settles.
    We aren't talking yet......
    Am trying to be positive, but it is kinda hard when sitting in the court that the Independent Children's Lawyer, Aboriginal Legal Service lawyer (for the mom) agree that we are a better placement, yet Mr's Stoffo goes in for a pre hearing get together and withdraws from proceedings (without a single word prior) !
    (FYI, both parents have had drug problems, neither work still, they both lost intrest after she was born and only came back into the picture when we applied for parental responsibility when she was 6 months, the dad at 22 lives with his parents currently with avo's between various family members, he is 50 weeks clean, mom is 7weeks clean and of no fixed address. Cocaine isn't as detectable after 48hrs, if you don't have the email notification to show within 24 hours by 5pm Fri you can party Fri/Sat and still test clean on Tues !
    The last at home test the mom did at our home tested positive for Dope and Cocaine, she hasn't been back in over 4 months.)
    After nearly 10 years, (8 years ago I sold up everything moved interstate to move in together) I now feel like I don't know the person next to me :confused:
    When I know the final court outcome and mine I will update.

    It is a sad story, and one that I know is all far too common place these days :(
     
  8. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    I'm sad to hear that. And I understand. We've been through stuff that flips you on your head and you do wonder how you can possibly move forward (together or apart).

    When things go badly wrong, I sometimes think it would be easier to just leave and go elsewhere for a while to recoup, think. But that doesn't solve anything.

    I've learned (I'm a slow learner though) to be more like the rock in the stream that lets the water, leaves and twigs (problems) flow around me and I try to pick up only those that I really must deal with, rather than try to pick up every leaf or twig that the water is carrying with it. (I'm not sure if that makes sense, and it is hard to let go and stop trying to fix every problem I know exists within my family, often not even a problem that involves me, but it hurts to see others struggling and I try to fix it all.)
     
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  9. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    I feel for you at this difficult and emotional time.

    No matter what happens next, it is important for you to realise the very positive effect you have had in young Aylah’s life by providing love and support when she was so young and vulnerable. The early years in a child’s life are very important, and the stability you have given her will be to her benefit for her whole life. You will always be a “safety net” for her, a fact almost certainly understood by the courts and authorities.

    It’s a long and winding road you are walking, and you are by no means near the end.
    Marg
     
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  10. justine77

    justine77 Well-Known Member

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    i really hope all works out .
     
    Last edited: 6th Aug, 2019