Health & Family Would you care/adopt grandchild again?

She is so beautiful!

No advice from me except get some legal advice prior to making any decisions. Some one here may be able to recommend a family law expert in your neck of the woods.

Take care and good luck with whatever you decide!

 

Thanks
Have been doing the legal path
But at $350+ an hour, its worse than owning a boat
Have listed one IP for sale already (coffers nearing empty)

 

Hey @Stoffo. I was thinking about you the other day - you know as you do about someone you've never met who lives across the country

I was wondering how things progressed with this and how it's going for you guys.

 

Hi @Westminster
I have thought on many occasions about updating this, but in all honesty not much (yet everything) has changed.
Yesterday was one year on from her actual due date, we had a great first b'day on 2nd September.
Aylah is great, yay for Aylah, and grumpa claps (yes, Bec coind me Grumpa)
Aylah is 99% happy, she babbles a lot still and recently started walking also.
Mummy is still off with the fairies, she comes and goes, but isn't mum !
Daddy still has custody every second week (though it is his mother that does the majority of the care).
We have been off to the Federal Circuit Court twice already, we weren't fighting daddy's application for full custody and didn't take legal representation , we just wanted to ensure the mum had set visitation rights, the Judge told us to lawyer up and lodge our paperwork in the correct manner. So it is all expensive again.
After this, at pick up the other grandparents verbally abused, insulted and degraded Bec (while holding Aylah) , this was the point that we thought maybe they aren't the right place for Aylah and decided to lodge for full custody !
It turns out that theirs is not a very happy household (there is 3 current avo's in place).
We are hoping to have a decision at our next appearance in Jan next year.
Is it expensive, Very
Is it going to ever be easy or normal, No
Is Aylah worth it, YES.

 

I'm glad you are going for full custody, for Aylah's sake.

 

The first signs of teenager attitude are already showing !
You can almost see her thinking "I've got you right where I want you" !

 

Well, firstly I'm glad that the father's desire to go for full custody and you guys down to every second weekend didn't happen. Phew!
Here's to the matter being settled in 2019 and you guys getting full custody so Aylah can get the best start in life.

 

Hear! Hear! Good luck!

 

For anyone ever in this situation feel free to PM me.
You have more rights than you know !
We were very slowly fed information, had many things been disclosed early on our decisions would have been vastly different.
The legal bill can easily exceed $100k (and more) taking years.

I actually wanted to update various PC members that have followed and encouraged us here @Westminster @Gockie @Kassy @Marg4000 and others, thanks

Still in court, still week about sharing custody with the daddy (supervised by his parents) final hearing due next financial year...

We are glad we have remained so involved, helping to teach, educate and with Aylah's development and personality, she is always so happy, now 19 months old she has met most of her targets from being premmie (with the exception of speech).
She is in the upper percentages in her physical growth she is big and heavy

The answer is still the same, yes I would do it all again
(It is a bit like doing a reno or development, you learn so much the first time from the often expensive mistakes made )
TIA

 

I'm glad that Aylah is doing well as that is what it's all about isn't it. Kudos to you and your wife for sticking with it for her sake and being the constant in her life.

 

Pleased you are working through the legalities.
Allahabad is a lucky little girl to have you.
Marg

 

Just stumbled on this thread and so happy you decided to keep the little one.

Don't be worried about age - my best girlfriend and her husband have guardianship of their three granddaughters, as their daughter is quite badly schizophrenic (functions on medications but off the rails without). They got court appointed custody around 10 years ago

They are now 75 and 80 - with three teenagers! Doing well and fortunately healthy and financially able. They belong to a "grandparents caring for grandchildren" group and find that really helpful for support and - mainly - advice on legal, government and financial matters.

 

She is beautiful! Good luck with the rest of the court case, I hope the final decision goes in your favour! I am glad you can be so involved in her life. Age means nothing to kids, my grandparents were more involved with bringing me up in many ways than my parents. I am on older parent now to a 3year old and would do it again in a heart beat if I could. I often think to myself,”what would nan do in this situation?” So it’s defiantly more about love than age. Keep up the good work!

 

#$&*&$ autocorrect!

Clearly I meant “Aylah is a lucky little girl....”

Apologies.
Marg

 

Haven't laughed so hard in ages
Thanks
I knew what you meant, though I did briefly think "you must be spying on us"
We try very hard to not say "Aylah bad" or NO ........
Like most toddlers she is into everything and is currently in a throw/drop things phase.
So we practice saying "yucky, ah ahar or uhh ohh"
I firmly believe in learning by doing, and regularly get in troublle for it, but am there to stop her from climbing too far or getting to things/places that may cause harm.

@Kassy thanks for the feed back
We are very conscious that we are not her actual parents
Aylah calls us Mum and Dad consistently, and we reinforce that it is Grandma or "Grumpa" as I am called
We encourage her to identify with her parents and spend time with them (though that has become increasingly hard with her mum sadly, too many positive tests ).....

 

Well, today was day one (of 3) scheduled in the Federal Circuit Court Sydney
Lawyers are over rated !

There were 4 parties to court, the applicant (daddy), the respondent (wanna be mother) the Independent Children's Lawyer, and the second respondent ( Mr's Stoffo).

All parties had Assistants, Lawyers and Barristers, except Mr's Stoffo as she self represented !

When the Barristers all go in to "negotiate", Mr's Stoffo also got to go.....
Best process ever, as she got to see and be involved first hand (not the client being told what the Barrister may see fit to advance/stall the case or their own cause ).....

The below was not discussed with me prior or shortly after
Mr's Stoffo chose to give the father the opportunity to be a parent, as he has been drug free and actually turning up, conditional of this continuing (provided he remains drug free for a further 12 months and continues to reside with his parents and their support).

I get it, the back and forth has been no good for Aylah, and she needs a single permanent home (Sure I'm disappointed that Mr's Stoffo made the decision without me, but I get it, it isn't what we want, it's about Aylah)

We still get visitation to maintain a relationship, so are not letting go, just hoping Aylah develops and her parents grow up (as both have a long way to go ).

So to respond to my original question , "would you care/adopt a grandchild again"
YES, but I have learned some very valuable lessons
1, you tend to get emotionally involved and attached very quickly
2, you have rights, more rights than you will be told
3, you can't rely on FACS to inform you, or that they will do the right thing
4, the legal system is confusing (and you will be drip fed, to keep you coming back)
5, like every course tells you (Google is your friend) so Google lots and learn lots
6, paying lawyers will cost ($50-200k )
7, so many more things I can't think of tonight (PM if you have questions)

One of the best things we did was to engage really good legal representation for advice and guidence, but also to self represent in court. ....
This saved us $12-14K per court appearance/day

Thanks for all the input from the posters in this thread
I hope it may also help someone else in the future.

It was all about Aylah, and what is best for her
We are glad we attended the hospital when her parents fell by the wayside (or Aylah would have gone into foster care).
I/we have some great memories, with many more to come
Like my shoe last Sunday, yet to be filled

Thanks again all
Thanks PC
Stoffo

 

@Stoffo - I didn't realise you were 7'8" - those shoes are enormous (and she's a little cutie)

 

Not like you @Scott No Mates
No comment on the new door in the background, the SHS (square hollow section post), the mirror ball (or bubble machine slightly above it) let alone those old school slate tiles
Thanks pal
(along with all whom have followed this, commented or liked any post in this thread )
It has been hard dealing with this, and have often felt like a passenger (being an unrelated party and not a respondent) but am grateful for having PC to share with and gain confidence from the support here

 

All the best to Aylah. Your role as awesome hands on grandparents will help her flourish and help provide a guiding light in her life. And whilst you probably can/could do it better it is important to recognise that one of her parents wants to care for her and the system will always try and support that. Thankfully he has his parents and you guys as part of his village.