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Why don't we just listen

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by MTR, 7th Nov, 2015.

  1. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Why do most of us have to give an opinion? Me included

    Seems when people ie friends, family have a problem and want to offload most of us need to provide an answer, our solution, our opinion. I think sometimes we should say nothing. Giving our opinion may actually cause more stress and worse may not be helpful.

    What are your thoughts?

    MTR
     
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  2. b7277

    b7277 Active Member

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    oh! i try to stay away from these. last time i gave my opinion, it backfired :) the frustrating part is when you're silence is assumed as a yes to all the crap they offload.
     
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  3. D.T.

    D.T. Adelaide Property Manager Business Member

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    Agree completely :)
     
  4. Gockie

    Gockie I'm an ISTP-A female, so I might be a bit quirky! Premium Member

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    ...the many lurkers are just here listening.... but it doesnt make for a good forum to read if there are no people to share their opinions, does it?:confused:

    But yeah... people often just want to share a problem, get a sympathetic ear, not necessarily have a problem solved...
     
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  5. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Another reason why perhaps we should just listen

    Perhaps you can always use reverse psychology, answer with a question.... ie "what do you think you should do"... just handball it back.
     
  6. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Agree, but this is a forum, we all have opinions that's why we post.

    I am referring to personal relations, perhaps I should have clarified:)
     
  7. Xenia

    Xenia Adelaide Property Manager Business Member

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    I hate opinions, I've had to explain to my husband that sometimes I just need to rant and when I do I just need him to listen and maybe offer me a massage, chocolate and I won't mention here what else ;) but do not offer opinions or advice or try to fix things. It's not his job!

    I trust myself fully to come up with the right answers but in the moment I just need to hear myself defining a problem so that I know how to solve it.

    I don't often give opinions either with friends or my partner, I listen and try to help them define exactly what the problem is - no one needs to be saved, we are all capable of resolving anything with some clarity, knowledge and lots of free psychological space to vent without interruptions or opinions.
     
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  8. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    No one needs to be saved... exactly
     
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  9. Greyghost

    Greyghost Well-Known Member

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    There is a question behind the question and a question behind that, which needs to be asked. When you get to this point you usually can help someone.

    Most of the time you do not need to give your advice, just help people bring to the surface what they already know!

    More to the point, I try not to offer opinions to friends and family, or impose on them, doesn't work and does cause awkwardness.
     
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  10. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Good advice
     
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  11. mrdobalina

    mrdobalina Well-Known Member

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    Reminds me of a quote I saw recently:
    "When I talk to Managers, I get the feeling that they are important. When I talk to leaders, I get the feeling that I am important."
     
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  12. Stu

    Stu Well-Known Member

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    Maybe we give an opinion because everyone likes the sound of their own voice and wants to feel like they are helping and important??
    Very rare person that can just listen without giving advice - even rarer in my opinion people that ask questions and even listen to what is said in response!
     
  13. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    love it:). wise.
     
  14. Be Developer

    Be Developer Property Developer Business Member

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    @MTR

    I guess it s a human nature..
     
  15. Bargain Hunter

    Bargain Hunter Well-Known Member

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    Personally I hate people who want to talk about a problem but don't want to listen to advice, so don't bring your problems to me if you simply want hear your own voice.

    As the off loader you should choose your confidant based on your expectations.

    There are people to talk to who don't judge, there are others who will nod and agree, and still others who will try to resolve the problem. There's even people who you know won't keep it to themselves, which is helpful if you want to start a whisper campaign.... o_O
     
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  16. devank

    devank Look, lets just get on with this, ok? Premium Member

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    Who are you going to listen to if no one gives any opinions?!? :confused:
     
    Last edited: 7th Nov, 2015
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  17. THX

    THX Well-Known Member

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    This is a men are from mars, women are from venus thing. If you tell a man a problem, we will fix it. If you don't want it fixed, don't tell us :D
     
  18. Perthguy

    Perthguy Well-Known Member

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    Unless they ask, I don't offer an opinion. I was taught many years ago that sometimes people just want to offload. They are not looking for help or a solution, they just want someone to listen. Mind you, between learning that and becoming a listener took a lot of years. ;)

    It's actually very difficult to listen to someone in pain and not offer any kind of opinion, solution or advice.
     
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  19. DaveM

    DaveM Adelaide Buyers Agent & KFC Strategist Business Member

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    Yeah I know what you mean. People with problems who wont listen to other people or take other peoples viewpoints onboard are the worst. Its even more frustrating when the person who is talking or complaining to you is clearly wrong and nothing you say or do can convince them otherwise. Its can be like talking to a brick wall, and you just end up hitting your head against it in frustration.
     
  20. Westminster

    Westminster Tigress at Tiger Developments Business Member

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    Sometimes it's as simple as asking 'do you just need to vent or would you like some help working out some options/solutions'.

    If I'm at the peak of anger and need to vent then I'm nowhere near in the right place to even think about a solution. I'm in the 'righteous rage' mode and for the sake of your own life, agreeing with me is the only option.

    Once I've calmed down from righteous rage then it's time to think about a solution
     
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