When your mindset is different to that of your partner

Mine is in similar settings, excepts that all loans now are joint loan. I manage the bulk of the investing management and paying the costs. So it's not completely separate.

I think the key is to make sure you have the same goal in the future, not necessarily financial goal but the same view on how you want to live in general.

 

How many partners have you got @Gockie?

 

Sorry. Just me and my partner. He is ultraconservative and I go all in for investing. It works... I mean he had this free cash doing nothing... so he provided the deposit for the new place out of his savings accounts. Yes, i'm serious...

 

perfect

 

This was me and my hubby. We've had a really rough time over this issue. People can change over the course of a marriage, my hubby introduced me to investing but I took it way beyond what he planned. How it ends up is a real test of relationship commitment. If you fancy a holiday in NZ maybe set up a coffee with @Charlotte30 in Christchurch. I genuinely think her approached helped to calm my anxious, conservative hubby. I'm still dreading talking to him though about my next purchase when current one settles next month.

 

Hi @dd81 , It might be a good idea to discuss some issues with your partner.

Who will provide the deposit for your family home? Given that you are the one with the properties and he has none, will he expect you to sell on of your properties? In which case, will the loan be only in his name or both?

Who has more earning potential? That may figure into the mix when you have children. Will the person with more earning potential go out to work? Will you pool that money or will it still be yours/his (whoever works)? Whoever stays home with the children will forgo a lot superannuation.

When you are paying bills and paying off your home, what will happen to the rental returns on your investment properties? Do you keep them aside to buy more property (and will that property be in your name only) or use them to pay family bills?

If you are a stay-at-home mum and want to buy another property in your name, will the bank give you a loan if you're not working?

I'm not saying it won't work, but maybe you need to agree on a course of action you are both happy with.

 

I understand that some long term couples do keep finances completely seperate but surely it's inevitably going to lead to resentment? I mean every time you go for a coffee or whatever, one person thinks the other should or pay or "it's not my turn." Sometimes these issues aren't isolated, which can make it easier or harder to decide how to progress.

Anyway, I'm glad that things turned around for you.

 

This is a great thread and interesting to hear everyone's comments how they approach different approaches to their other half's mindset (I started adding quotes to the multiquote but then realised I was starting to add too many!).

My partner isn't bad but isn't great. Thinks I spend too much time on PC (and I spend way less than on SS) and each time I present a property, it has to be CF+ve (so is really buggering up my current research). While I don't mind the cautiousness, a change of mindset is needed as not every place is going to be a Sydney boom. Now.... how to get them to drink from that water that's in front of them! (lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink...)

 

Sounds like me and my partner except we have the same PPOR mortgage, which does limit my serviceability. However, with the prices of houses it wasn't possible to put the PPOR in her name as she wouldn't have been able to get the loan due to serviceability. Same with me as it costs 7x my income.

Aside from that our relationship is fine though. Both of us aren't materialistic and I don't care what she does with her money (as long as she chips in for bills/mortgage) and she doesn't care what I do with mine. I could never imagine sharing a bank account with her haha.

 

I don't think we were materialistic either and neither really cared what the other spent money on... But it wasn't a feeling of being a team. For instance he refused to help with anything to do with my houses. I had tenants moving in and needed to finish painting - was working full time and painting til after midnight after work and he still refused to help.

He was extremely tight wih his money, which was fine as I had my own, but after a while you get sick of paying for everything when there are no common future goals.

 

I hear Adelaide is CF+

 

It is glad to hear at least it works for some couples, but I also aware of the risk that we would grow further and further apart, which I do worry if it will cause issues in the future. We have very different mindset on money / leverage / gaining new experience. But 1 thing I am sure, he will help out on looking after family / share the work load within the home.

At the moment the plan is we will equally contribute half to the deposit for our family home. He doesn't expected me to sell any of my properties. The family home will be in both of our name. However I haven't decide if we should do Tenants-in-common or Joint Proprietors. We need to make up our mind on that before the property settle late this year. Any suggestion?

For earning potentials, we are both in IT. I used to be earning about 25K more than him. But since the last year I have some constant over time income so I am currently almost double his income, I believe this extra income will keep coming in for at least another year or 2.
Yes in the future if I have children, I might have to stop working for few months, but I dont think I want to be a full time stay at home mum. Likely to work part time at that stage. I think whoever working at that time will have to contribute more to the family expenses.

At this stage my rental properties income could mostly cover the loan repayment, so I wont be too stress out about that in the future. I hope to buy 1 or 2 more before the home settle end of the year / earlier next year - aiming for nutural or slightly positive cashflow. At the moment I have a few properties in my own name, and 1 in trust.

For the future if the rental incomes and my own salary permit, I wish to buy more, either put in trust or individual name. But if he decide to contribute and do it together then I am open to do it in our joint name (although it doesnt seems likely to happen for now). If I will be working (maybe part time in the future), I am not planning to use rental income to pay family bills, will use my income instead.

If I will be a stay at home mum, then I dont think I can keep buying. I will have to see what other things I could do to build wealth. I believe opportunity everywhere if we look hard enough.

Thanks for everyone's contribution! very much appreciated!!

 

Hi @dd81 It sounds like you've given it a lot of thought and the fact that you are both discussing these issues points to your maturity. As to whether you buy the family home in tenants-in-common or joint names, only you can decide that. Good luck.

 

Interested to know for those who's partner is not into investing if they have a succession plan ? My partner is into investing but not the logistics side of things. If I dropped dead tomorrow it would be pretty hard to work out what was going on. I also worry that if both of us died suddenly who would manage our estate on behalf of our offspring ? Would everything have to be sold ? We keep our investing to ourselves so family and friends are unaware of what we are doing. I imagine it would come as a surprise.

 

A good point. Perhaps a financial plan should be included/available when you pass on. If they're too young to receive the inheritance then it's likely they'd have a guardian of your selection (?). Worth discussing with them perhaps.

 

It could be worth doing up a document as an addendum to your wills, giving details of your investments and passing on any specific info that might help the executor / legal guardian of your children to manage the estate...? Obviously it wouldn't be binding, but might still be helpful....

 

My partners pay gets paid directly in to my bank because she is a terrible spender and she realises it. She also makes more money then I do currently. So I take care of all the money side of things and she just signs off on things when need be. Which works for her as she has no interest in numbers and budgets etc as long as she has a bit of spare money to play with her horses. And progress keeps getting made to our end goals.

We tried keeping finances separate, but didn't work as she would come up short come bill time quite often and I would have to make ends meet. So after a bit of a discussion where I told her to pull her head in, she suggested getting pay swapped.

 

So I'm pretty much in a similar situation with my wife... My business is doing well and I have just acquired another development site. She doesn't quite understand that I require quite a lot of $$$ to run my business and do developments. She wants the house renovated asap and expects me to just outlay the cash ($200k) and wants the mortgage paid down... Doesn't quite realise or understand what I'm doing, how it works and what it will achieve... Despite nemorous discussions and also some diagrams

 

My wife wasn't initially on the same page. I wanted total world domination she just wanted a home.

We have just secured our first home and now she's on board...not for world domination...but paying off the PPOR enough to make it cashflow positive then buying something else is now totally acceptable.

It's a compromise from both sides. My wife accepted a smaller house and I have to accept a slower....but still solid strategy.

It's a win/win and we're both happy.

 

A few months before we got married 13 years ago my wife gave me full control over the finances. I didnt ask her to do it she just decided that was my forte and hers where in other areas.

Its worked well and we still run things the same way. I do talk to her about stuff but its more me venting and she listens, I think