When your mindset is different to that of your partner

Keen to get some thoughts on how people manage their investment plans when in a relationship.

My partner isn't huge on property investing (though has come round in the past few years) and has little interest in all things money. Given we share financial responsibilities together and combine incomes, it makes things... interesting, to say the least!

On the one hand, this means I can pretty much do as I like so long as I can make it work (and she trusts me to do what's in our best interest).

On the other hand, it means I'm constantly unsure, regularly feel like our goals are a bit different and frustrated as I'd like the second opinion from the other person who is financially involved.

Anyway - are the couples out here investment-minded together? Or is it always the case that its one half of the team who is more bullish? How do you manage the different mindsets?

 

This is my situation to a T.

My wife varied in her home situation growing up - from being nearly homeless to sharing a one-bed suite apartment with her 7 siblings and mother, whilst she did peoples hair in the downstairs shop. She is very happy paying the bills and paying off one house.

I, on the other hand, am trying to create a vast empire.

The balance is good. I call all my family when things get hard, but the only place I ever find solace is here, and increasingly the contacts I'm making through here.

 

I'm the investor mind at home

Hubby doesn't do the search etc, just the final questioning (as he is a stakeholder in the decision) and sign documents.

I did find it hard in a way that, I wish I can bounce ideas and decisions. But in the end, it's still work ok as long as you both are clear about your role in the process. I have this forum to ask questions

 

Half the battle won, I guess

Maybe bring in a professional to get neutral, trusted help drawing up budgets, plans, etc. As long as she doesn't actively oppose what you want, I don't see much issue.

You can try to involve her in things, but experience shows that this doesn't necessarily work. Your rah-rah-rah support team does not necessarily need to be your partner

Also, being an opposite can help in decision-making. A gung-ho risk-embracing couple is not necessarily better (I would argue, are worse) than a couple where one is a risk-embracer and another a risk-avoider.

 

My partner and I are on the same page in terms of investing and have very similar goals.

Along with political and religious stances, this is basically a first date question.

 

Hi Jennifer

I also married a non-investor.
Moreover his family invalidated everything my family was doing at the beginning "rich people, we dont care about money, if you make money it will go to your head" you know those naive things people say when they have no concept of wealth creation.

At the beginning, my dad was pushing me to purchase another property when there was enough equity, my husband was against going into more debt. I told my dad that he does not agree, he said "then you have a problem to deal with, deal with him and purchase another property"

I did and eventually he became an investor, I did not preach or explain or tried to change anything, I just DID.

Ok so here is how it works, you don't have to have the same view point to be in a relationship. Whenever I have new ideas for business or investing I talk with people who can see things from my side - that is usually not my partner.

I just DO IT, I do it and once its done he can see that it works and has no time to analyse or for fear to creep in because it's already done.

I think it is OK for you partner to also be allowed to just be a partner. My partner is a dad to my kids and a husband to me and helps me in my business, that is all I want, if I need to bounce ideas or develop new business or target new audience or develop new marketing, I go to the people who can do that best.

You don't run to your partner with a medical problem expecting them to know what to do and sort it out, you go to the people that are going to help the best, you take on board what they say and make a decision then go back to your family.
I don't say to my partner, "I'm going to take some antibiotics, do you agree?" No, I just take them.

why can't finances be the same?

Do what you need to do, allow your partner to be a partner - that is their role!

 

My wife and I negotiated a 50/50 understanding in relation to our investment decisions - I make it and she spends it!

Seriously though, she came to the table with more than I did at the time. Over the years she's supported me whilst I worked on building our combined portfolio acquisitions, which freed up her time to focus on her own business affairs, she also continues to do today..on a part time basis.

 

I agree to a point, but in a marriage finances are usually shared and just doing what you want can cause huge issues if not communicated and agreed upon.

 

We've both evolved over time . Most of the time I'm the one who is pushing to buy more and SWMBO is the voice of caution , but it's generally only at the edges , and often more a matter of lets get these ones sorted out , settled and rented before we buy another , but we don't do something unless we both agree .

Our biggest step was the first one and once we did that we've agreed on most things .

The first one was deciding to sell the new dream house in Pymble , walk station , PLC etc and buy a significantly more modest battle-axe in Wahroonga , down one of the steepest streets in the suburb for close to half the price and start investing with the left overs .

Generally I'm the one who does the big picture stuff , like , when and where to buy , and Vicki sorts out the finance , PM'ing , day to day stuff etc.

Unlike someone like DT we didn't start thinking about investing until after we were 40.....

Cliff

 

great story @See Change we, too are slowly evolving. I just need to convince her that it may be better to sell up and rent so we can buy more. That's the tough one.

 

Would you sell your lovely place in Newcastle? That would be a loss, I reckon.

 

I admire that - could never feasibly do it myself!

 

As in a financial loss or a personal loss with sentimental value? Newy's an IP. I have no emotions attached to it. In fact, I've not thought about it until you mentioned. Now, I'm just waiting for the Gateshead to settle this wednesday.

 

Financial. Would love to have a place in Newy. Congratulations on the settlement.

 

Nice thread.

Partner supports me, but is not hands on. I do all the ground work and basically bounce ideas, but he is bullish and gives me the confidence I need when I hesitate, so its kind of a nice balance.

MTR

 

BTW....Love your avatar

 

Thanks @WattleIdo I wouldn't sell carrington. I like the scarcity factor. Gateshead, hopefully I will develop when I have the basics down pad. Still baby steps for me.

 

Thank you haha! His name is Miaow Miaow. He's a little bigger now - we just rescued yet another kitten so perhaps more pics pending

 

That would be a tough decision to make.