Join Australia's most dynamic and respected property investment community

When your mindset is different to that of your partner

Discussion in 'Investor Psychology' started by Jennifer Duke, 14th Dec, 2015.

  1. Jennifer Duke

    Jennifer Duke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23rd Oct, 2015
    Posts:
    289
    Location:
    NSW » Sydney
    Keen to get some thoughts on how people manage their investment plans when in a relationship.

    My partner isn't huge on property investing (though has come round in the past few years) and has little interest in all things money. Given we share financial responsibilities together and combine incomes, it makes things... interesting, to say the least!

    On the one hand, this means I can pretty much do as I like so long as I can make it work (and she trusts me to do what's in our best interest).

    On the other hand, it means I'm constantly unsure, regularly feel like our goals are a bit different and frustrated as I'd like the second opinion from the other person who is financially involved.

    Anyway - are the couples out here investment-minded together? Or is it always the case that its one half of the team who is more bullish? How do you manage the different mindsets?
     
    Joynz, bwklau, legallyblonde and 2 others like this.
  2. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    20th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    3,230
    Location:
    At work
    This is my situation to a T.

    My wife varied in her home situation growing up - from being nearly homeless to sharing a one-bed suite apartment with her 7 siblings and mother, whilst she did peoples hair in the downstairs shop. She is very happy paying the bills and paying off one house.

    I, on the other hand, am trying to create a vast empire.

    The balance is good. I call all my family when things get hard, but the only place I ever find solace is here, and increasingly the contacts I'm making through here.
     
    Inov8ive, ellejay, Sonamic and 6 others like this.
  3. The Y-man

    The Y-man Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    906
    Location:
    Melbourne
    The other half is very risk averse whereas I am a bit risk ignorant, so it works quite well.

    The Y-man
     
  4. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    2,165
    Location:
    NSW
    I'm the investor mind at home :)

    Hubby doesn't do the search etc, just the final questioning (as he is a stakeholder in the decision) and sign documents.

    I did find it hard in a way that, I wish I can bounce ideas and decisions. But in the end, it's still work ok as long as you both are clear about your role in the process. I have this forum to ask questions :)
     
    Mac Fields, ellejay and Jennifer Duke like this.
  5. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    27th Nov, 2015
    Posts:
    247
    Location:
    Victora
    Half the battle won, I guess :)

    Maybe bring in a professional to get neutral, trusted help drawing up budgets, plans, etc. As long as she doesn't actively oppose what you want, I don't see much issue.

    You can try to involve her in things, but experience shows that this doesn't necessarily work. Your rah-rah-rah support team does not necessarily need to be your partner :)

    Also, being an opposite can help in decision-making. A gung-ho risk-embracing couple is not necessarily better (I would argue, are worse) than a couple where one is a risk-embracer and another a risk-avoider.
     
    Joynz and Jennifer Duke like this.
  6. D.T.

    D.T. Adelaide Property Manager Business Member

    Joined:
    13th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    5,606
    Location:
    Adelaide, SA
    My partner and I are on the same page in terms of investing and have very similar goals.

    Along with political and religious stances, this is basically a first date question.
     
  7. Xenia

    Xenia Adelaide Property Manager Business Member

    Joined:
    21st Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    2,347
    Location:
    4/136 The Parade Norwood, South Australia
    Hi Jennifer

    I also married a non-investor.
    Moreover his family invalidated everything my family was doing at the beginning "rich people, we dont care about money, if you make money it will go to your head" you know those naive things people say when they have no concept of wealth creation.

    At the beginning, my dad was pushing me to purchase another property when there was enough equity, my husband was against going into more debt. I told my dad that he does not agree, he said "then you have a problem to deal with, deal with him and purchase another property"

    I did and eventually he became an investor, I did not preach or explain or tried to change anything, I just DID.

    Ok so here is how it works, you don't have to have the same view point to be in a relationship. Whenever I have new ideas for business or investing I talk with people who can see things from my side - that is usually not my partner.

    I just DO IT, I do it and once its done he can see that it works and has no time to analyse or for fear to creep in because it's already done.

    I think it is OK for you partner to also be allowed to just be a partner. My partner is a dad to my kids and a husband to me and helps me in my business, that is all I want, if I need to bounce ideas or develop new business or target new audience or develop new marketing, I go to the people who can do that best.

    You don't run to your partner with a medical problem expecting them to know what to do and sort it out, you go to the people that are going to help the best, you take on board what they say and make a decision then go back to your family.
    I don't say to my partner, "I'm going to take some antibiotics, do you agree?" No, I just take them.

    why can't finances be the same?

    Do what you need to do, allow your partner to be a partner - that is their role!
     
    Inov8ive, ellejay, Befuddled and 8 others like this.
  8. Rixter

    Rixter Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    572
    Location:
    Portfolio Perth Brisbane Sydney Melbourne
    My wife and I negotiated a 50/50 understanding in relation to our investment decisions - I make it and she spends it! :eek: ;)

    Seriously though, she came to the table with more than I did at the time. Over the years she's supported me whilst I worked on building our combined portfolio acquisitions, which freed up her time to focus on her own business affairs, she also continues to do today..on a part time basis.
     
    Last edited: 14th Dec, 2015
    Cactus, Xenia, House and 5 others like this.
  9. Jess Peletier

    Jess Peletier Mortgage Broker - Australia Wide Business Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    2,787
    Location:
    Perth WA
    I agree to a point, but in a marriage finances are usually shared and just doing what you want can cause huge issues if not communicated and agreed upon.
     
  10. See Change

    See Change Timing Lord Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    2,146
    Location:
    Sydney
    We've both evolved over time . Most of the time I'm the one who is pushing to buy more and SWMBO is the voice of caution , but it's generally only at the edges , and often more a matter of lets get these ones sorted out , settled and rented before we buy another , but we don't do something unless we both agree .

    Our biggest step was the first one and once we did that we've agreed on most things .

    The first one was deciding to sell the new dream house in Pymble , walk station , PLC etc and buy a significantly more modest battle-axe in Wahroonga , down one of the steepest streets in the suburb for close to half the price and start investing with the left overs .

    Generally I'm the one who does the big picture stuff , like , when and where to buy , and Vicki sorts out the finance , PM'ing , day to day stuff etc.

    Unlike someone like DT we didn't start thinking about investing until after we were 40.....

    Cliff
     
    inertia, Xenia, montoya and 3 others like this.
  11. larrylarry

    larrylarry Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    3,510
    Location:
    Sydney
    great story @See Change we, too are slowly evolving. I just need to convince her that it may be better to sell up and rent so we can buy more. That's the tough one.
     
    Jennifer Duke likes this.
  12. WattleIdo

    WattleIdo renovating Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    1,826
    Location:
    Central West NSW
    Would you sell your lovely place in Newcastle? That would be a loss, I reckon. o_O
     
  13. Jennifer Duke

    Jennifer Duke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23rd Oct, 2015
    Posts:
    289
    Location:
    NSW » Sydney
    I admire that - could never feasibly do it myself!
     
  14. larrylarry

    larrylarry Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    3,510
    Location:
    Sydney
    As in a financial loss or a personal loss with sentimental value? Newy's an IP. I have no emotions attached to it. In fact, I've not thought about it until you mentioned. Now, I'm just waiting for the Gateshead to settle this wednesday.
     
  15. WattleIdo

    WattleIdo renovating Premium Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    1,826
    Location:
    Central West NSW
    Financial. Would love to have a place in Newy. Congratulations on the settlement.
     
  16. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    19th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    7,534
    Location:
    Perth, Melbourne, USA
    Nice thread.

    Partner supports me, but is not hands on. I do all the ground work and basically bounce ideas, but he is bullish and gives me the confidence I need when I hesitate, so its kind of a nice balance.

    MTR:)
     
    Xenia, BigKahuna, Beanie Girl and 4 others like this.
  17. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    19th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    7,534
    Location:
    Perth, Melbourne, USA
    BTW....Love your avatar:)
     
    Jennifer Duke likes this.
  18. larrylarry

    larrylarry Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    3,510
    Location:
    Sydney
    Thanks @WattleIdo I wouldn't sell carrington. I like the scarcity factor. Gateshead, hopefully I will develop when I have the basics down pad. Still baby steps for me.
     
    WattleIdo likes this.
  19. Jennifer Duke

    Jennifer Duke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23rd Oct, 2015
    Posts:
    289
    Location:
    NSW » Sydney
    Thank you haha! His name is Miaow Miaow. He's a little bigger now - we just rescued yet another kitten so perhaps more pics pending :)
     
    WattleIdo likes this.
  20. HUGH72

    HUGH72 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    2,125
    Location:
    FNQ
    That would be a tough decision to make.
     
    Jennifer Duke likes this.