Things you wanted to say (but didn't)

I caught the train into the city the other day. Typical peak hour crowded train.

The person beside me made moves to alight & asked politely "Are you getting off?".

"No, I always have this smirk on my face"...

But I thought I better not.

 

Were you sitting down?

Mine maybe to the big guy who sat next to me on one plane flight, with arm overflowing to my seat

"Hi big guy, but the armrest is supposed to be shared, and your big arm is also in my space which I paid for."
I didn't say anything, just push back with my arm.

And to the kid who throw tantrum the entire overnight flight because mum didn't give her what she want
"Zip it, everyone including your mum is very tired".
My friends and partner stopped me.

 

To the person who beeped at me at the traffic lights this morning.

"Mate, the lights just turned green nano seconds ago, i saw it changed and i reacted fairly quickly. If you are running late to your appointment or whatever it is you are in a hurry about, its not my fault is it?"

thanks, i feel better now... lol

 

To the religious sales people at my front door.

I shall not be partaking in your belief system, accepting any promotional material or removing my German Shepard from you calf muscle.

If you wish to continue this discussion I have a Rabid Doberman and a family of Taipans available at any time to make your acquaintance.

 

So theres this guy on a forum that I frequent who always makes the absolutely worst ever puns. I mean they are so bad I just want to take a long walk off a short jetty. I often feel like I want to tell him where to stick his puns, however I feel I am strong enough to carry on.

Oh, hi geoffw....

 

To the lady who tailgate our car at 100km
... I wanted to flip the fingers... But I am cooling down now, so I hope you arrived safely to whichever place worthy of making you want to risk your life

Rant over

 

I have always wanted to say to clients who email and ask if I have received their payment "no we never got it sorry" just to hear their reaction and then say I was joking...
Very sad I know

 

I used to work in a council drainage office and after heavy rain I was often tempted to say to people phoning up and complaining. . .
"If you buy a house in Water Lane (or River Street) don't come crying to me when it floods!"
or
In answer to people saying what would you do? . . . "I am a drainage engineer so I wouldn't have bought a house near a river!"

 

Well your not that smart then, with some knowledge you should know what places on a river to buy at give away prices, because people wont buy for false fear of flooding. I bought a water front property 700 metres from a CBD, 100 metres from a boat ramp BBQ and council park with exercise equipment. People said I was mad, but those same people had to spend nights putting sand bags around their house when the river water flowed up the drainage channels and spilled out in the expensive larger propertes furtherest from the river, in floods 4 years ago. While my house wasn't threatened. Being on a river doesn't mean you will get flooded it may be the safest place to be.

 

Tailgaters in inner city Brisbane can cause one problems,you stop to let a stressed out look on their face driver in ,and the tailgater who sometimes are less then 500mm of the back of the car starts blowing the horn and throwing their hands in the air..

I just say nothing,if they are that important catch the bus..