The Power of NO

Your success depends on your ability to recognise opportunities that are aligned with your goals. To take action, to take a risk and fail forward and to continuously learn and grow from setbacks.

Saying YES to opportunities is vital for growth and success and high achievers are always jumping into the deep end and and learning to swim later. Speak first and think later. But that is only with people and circumstances that are aligned with our goals and values.

On the contrary, success also depends on your ability to recognise distractions and to stay on track, true to yourself, your life style and your goals. Not because you don't value other people's requests, protests, offers and demands, but because you have your own goals and agenda and you value yourself enough to stay true to your own plans.

If we do not learn to say NO to distractions that have nothing to do with our goals then we can very quickly become overwhelmed with requests to do things for other people, attending too many social functions, eating the wrong food, joining ideas, groups and people we derive no value from, get involved in defending view points or being involved in arguments that bring no joy in life, and helping people who cannot be helped. All these things do not only waste our time and money, but also lead to long term unhappiness and jeopardise our success in life.

Saying NO to things that no longer serve us, grow us or make us happy is saying YES to and making room for the people and circumstances that we are perfectly aligned with.

Here are 3 key principles to stay focused and to learn to say NO to distractions.

Value Your Time









You can never be a good business leader, coach, parent or worker if you do not put yourself as the number one priority in your life. If you put yourself first in your own life and are focused on your own goals, your NO to distractions becomes a powerful drive towards designing the life you want to design. The more self esteem you develop, the more you like and value yourself, the easier it is to say NO to anything that does not fit your purpose and the less co-dependent you will be on any reaction thrown at you by other people in response to saying NO.

The reason we sometimes get into things that are not aligned with our goals is fear, co-dependency and lack of purpose. We fear that we may miss out on something if we give up an opportunity. This could be true and the only way to know whether an opportunity will grow us or distract us is to have a definite purpose and plan in place.

We also fear offending or hurting people by saying NO, however as we become more aware we are able to handle other people's reactions better and are no longer at the effect of them.

Be Emotionally Resilient.

Emotional resilience enables you to be interdependent and not co-dependent on the response of other people. It does not mean that you do not care about people, it means that you can handle situations without enrolling in their drama. It means that you can put yourself first, be true to your own goals and allow others to respond in whatever way works best for them.

 

@monalisa and @MsAli
thinking of you while posting this

 

Hi Xenia, Thank you so much. What a timely message for me right now.

I was thinking earlier, fear is normal with anything new (fight or flight). However as someone wise said, fear is not a strategy. Fear can be embraced and you can 'slight edge' towards your visions...

Exciting times ahead !

Onwards and upwards!

 

Hi @Xenia

As @MsAli said, this is a very timely post for us

In the past we haven't taken NO for answer - a few people have said to us it amazes them that we 'decide' what we want, and cut to the chase.

Just need to keep at it, be positive and make a difference!

 

success does not lack fear, successful people keep pushing on despite the fear.

I know that you are going to be phenomenal.

 

Thanks. I will try my hardest not to disappoint.

 

awww - you've always been great Datto

 

Love it Xenia ... But i think in order to train to be resilient you need to go through bad times in your life.

How many people here are really resilient in daily life?

Give you an example, I saw a Parking Officer last week of indian background giving a ticket to a car for parking , the owner came back as the officer was writing the ticket and abused this guy with full expletives about his culture, his mother etc.
The parking officer didnt flinch and kept writing the ticket, he then put the ticket under the window wiper of the car and casually walked away with the guy still,shouting abuse .
Is that resilience ???

 

Sounds like this forum lol

I would call that an example of resilience - staying on task despite people having tantrums about what you are doing.

There are a lot of jobs where you need resilience, property management is one of them.

Us:We are sending a breach notice for late payment.

Tenant: what do you wogs not understand about.... (We actually get this retaliation lol)
The house is falling apart and I'm reporting ......
And I'm going to tell everyone about you and no one will rent from you again...

Us:
We understand
We will be sending a breach notice ... (Back on task)

Parenting is another one
Child: "you are the worst mum in the world, joes mum allows him to go out by himself" ....

Me: Ok (acknowledged)
Now go wash your hands and come and sit down for dinner - what I asked him to do in the first place.

Non resilience is justifying why you are a good mum or telling him he is wrong - very low level game to be playing at.

Resilience is being happy with who you are (I know I'm a Damn good mum and good business owner despite the tantrums) and keep on to task.

The parking inspector was trained well.

 

I think property management is one of the hardest jobs to do amongst desk jobs.
And to do it well is even harder.
Property managers are always caught between the owner, tenant and legislation and what's fair and what's right - a balancing act I don't envy as society becomes ever more complex and pressurising - loss of jobs, structural changes in economy, relationship breakdowns, domestic violence, family breakdowns, drugs, mental illness....
and us owners keep putting pressure on our PMs - demanding higher rent, lower vacancies and better tenants
So well done all property managers! - I take my hat off to you!
and well done all parents who are trying to do their best to bring up good kids - I salute you!

 

I love you even more now beanie xx

 

Datto will get jealous, Xenia!

 

Great read @MsAli. Changes the way you think doesn't it?

 

I have no problem saying NO. I agree that it is about keeping you on track and not getting into situations that drag you into an other persons quagmire.

Two times when I was surprised by the responce to my NO were sudden and cutting (for me) but on reflections neither person was a real friend.

One instance was where someone phoned me to immediately come and look at a property in Ryde ( I am in Sutherland) to asses whether it could be subdivided. I indicated that I couldn't / wouldn't be able to review the property until later in the week as I had other obligations. I then spent an hour on the phone going over all things to look out for etc. Until this call he had not even revealed that he was looking for property and in particularly a sub-dividable property. So this request was completely out of left field. Later I found out (via a mutual friend) that he had taken offense at my refusal and that I was arrogant amogst other labels. I never saw him again.

The second one was during the market crash in the GFC where a friend calls to ask for a $25k loan that morning so that his brother could cover his CFD position. The brother had already tapped out the rest of his family. My answer was NO as I was also dealing with some loosing positions and was not about to let any cash go. Email followed from this friend stating I was the worst person in the world and that he would have given me a loan if I was in the same position etc. and that he no longer wished to be friends. I didn't bother answering the email as it would have been a waste of time.

Cheers

 

Parents have this kind of family member. To this day I still don't understand what makes these people think that they're entitled to everyone's hard earned money.

 

Don't understand why people have such demanding and unrealistic expectations.
That you drop everything and do what they want the moment they call you. Far out!
For the first instance, Handy Andy, you spent one hour on the phone explaining what to look out for.
I would have been so grateful to receive this information and would understand that you can't go out to the site immediately. What's wrong with people?

For the second scenario, a good Sri Lankan friend of mine has a saying amongst their people, 'if you lend some money to a friend, not only will you lose the money, but you will lose the friend as well.
25k is a lot of money - people cannot expect you to hand it out like candy to cover their losses when you have losses to cover as well. Don't understand why people cannot be empathetic, realistic and understanding.

 

Its what my friend and I call the 'Goneski Alamonski' segment. They are out there and their numbers is staggering.

 

Potentially. I have lent money to family (assisting with legal costs relating to a separation and child custody) - I would always help out my family if I was in a position to do so, but my family is pretty good in that respect, no dead beats or people taking advantage of others - but I would only consider it a gift with no expectation of repayment given the circumstances.

I have also lent money to a friend, but we are close friends and have a pretty good understanding of each others financial positions - so he knew it was not a burden, and I knew there was no risk. It was essentially a bridging loan between houses for him. Cost me nothing, got him out of a bind. If I wasn't in a position to help him out, he would have understood and there would be no drama.

Certainly I have friends that I wouldn't enter a financial agreement with, but I think I am fairly pragmatic and generally apply logic to these things - I don't have trouble keeping emotion out of it.

Cheers,
Inertia.

 

Fear might be keeping us safe. I guess we need to evaluate each fear with real facts and numbers.

What is the point in being a friend if you can't help out a friend?
I would rather lose money than having a wrong friend.

 

Um, may I know who/what that is? Already tried googling