Teenage daughters

Thanks Marg - I'll get that asap.

 

Oh Jess,

I don't have kids but come from a large family made up mainly of girls. Just remember nothing you do is ever going to be right in her eyes, don't worry to much. My aunty has 3 girls and I think she had the most success. Her girls where seriously messed up lol, that's putting it nicely. She connected with her daughters friends, they felt they could talk to her, so they really opened up and always talked to her about their teenage dramas. Key is not to judge or tell them what to do. This also gave her a good Idea what her daughter was up to without actually talking to her about it directly. I thought this was smart. They tured out fine, they grew out of that bitchy stage by about 21. They're all very very close now, like 4 sisters and are all traveling together overseas. Good luck.

 

Jess, I can loan you that book, and Queen Bee's and WannaBees. I second the tech thing, rule is any stuff starting with "i" gets plugged into my ensuite bathroom at 8.30 and there it remains, I do remember my older daughter having a burn phone but the youngest would pooh pooh any non "i" gadget.

 

I just bought it But thank you! I'll hit you up for the Queen bee one when I've finished this one.
Our daughters iPad gets charged in our bedroom as well. Lots of 'new rules' getting made on the fly as I try to adapt to the next thing....

This is such a good point - the things you learn talking to their friends!

I had (and have) a great relationship with my mum, but I wonder if I was just blissfully unaware of what I put her through back then?

 

You should show your Mum this thread. I'm sure she'll get a chuckle.

 

This issue has recently turned our home literally upside down.We had one of the our daughters living permanently here,we live in a modern(?)family where they come and go between parents,she is 15,Totally obsessed with her iphone whatever she has,to the point we were limiting her usage at home,this caused arguments, friction,aggressive attitude,shouting matches etc etc etc.No phone in room overnight rule,it was a constant argument.Got to the point she would spend every minute in her room playing with her phone.Lost interest in everything, family,sport,TV,her pets,became self centred,rude,obnoxious and all about me.We took her phone away from her because of the ongoing issues.............her response,i want to go live with dad,and she did,absolutely no conscious at all over her decision who lets her do anything she wants.

 

Haha I was thinking the exact same thing! ! We're doomed! I'm starting to worry about what she's picked up from me and will come back to bite me!

 

Oh dear, I have a son but some days I wonder whether how different would it be with girls.....
Found a book "Raising Boys" by Steve Bidduply, and it's very very well written. Highly recommended for parents with sons. Apparently the Author wrote another book on Raising Daughters. No harm to try them out.

I believe in discipline and rules, be consistent and persistent. They will test your boundary again and again. I told my son that I love him and that includes tough love. Spoiling him is not real love I said to him. I also told him I am not his friend, I am his mother, but I can be friendly with him. Poor boy I think he must be pretty confused.

 

I have a 13yo so it's early days. Our two issues are technology and the state of her room. Presently, she must check her phone and computer in at 6pm (yesterday I sent her a text to remind her it was 'check-in' time. It worked!). Luckily, she has a very responsible group of friends. She is beginning to have a lot of social things to attend but I am iron-clad on the requirement that she have her room tidy before she goes. She knows I mean it and I will follow through (hasn't been tested yet!). On the weekends she has nothing to go to, her room is a disaster zone and I just have to ignore it and wait for the next social event for it to get tidied up. I now have her friends nagging her to 'do your room!' so they can hang out with her. Power of peer pressure! As for the drama, it's settling down - but my 10yo has now started.....

My husband understands teen girls better than me as he used to work with them and he says if we can get through the next 18 months (Year 8 and 9) we're through the worst of it.

 

Jess, you don't look old enough to have teenage kids!!

 

That might be a photo of Jess in her teenage years.
It's hard to claw back ground with kids. We had the no technology rule (including TVs) upstairs in the house from the beginning, so it has never been an issue. There are other non negotiable smaller things, but I think that big one was partly why we're going okay with our teenage girls. Of course, it could all fall apart at any stage.

 

I've been through 4 teen girls - three step and one bio - and rest assured you are not alone.

Having had no experience with kids before, I will freely admit I messed up a lot with my step girls - mainly by trying to be the authoritarian with them during a period they are trying to gain their sense of identity and independence.

Doing so much better with my bio by being a "guiding" force rather than a "blunt" force and talking to her about everything in life whenever we're together (and I mean everything). Helps she has good friends as she's not into sport at all - although I'll take her along to yoga during the school hols. Also I try to support and encourage her any way possible with positive and/or constructive (criticism) feedback - even via technology - don't endlessly tell them how wonderful they are - and teach them how to fail with strength and grace.

They do grow out of it and often turn into the nicest people - usually around 17-18. In the early teen years hormones are causing chaos as their brains are developing and puberty is occurring ... there are three zones they swing through - and only in the middle zone can you reason with them. The other two zones are screaming hysteria and depression ... don't even bother trying to talk with them, or calm them down, in those zones, just send them to their room ... wait until they get back into the middle zone and discuss like an adult with causes and consequences agreed upon.

Anyhow - lots of advice I could give but perhaps best to talk to the school counsellor, who deals with this all day, every day, for advice. Our school does night session for parents/kids about "adolescence", everything from cyber safety to hormonal fluctuations.

 

I had my girl at 25, so not super young or rebellious. I was even married

I love you.

 

Nah - 6 months. But it's not really me

 

I thought that was @sanj 's better half judging from his profile picture

 

I try not to show off my better half online, too much jealousy in the world

 

Rofl