Teenage daughters

How do you get through the ages from 13 onward without killing them (or yourself)?

I think mine is possessed.

 

Keep them busy, busy, busy. My 14 year old barely has time to scratch herself which helps with her demeanour. If she has legitimate parties, etc, sleepovers then I am happy for her to take time off, otherwise she goes to school work and sport, if not occupied she spends the time stabbing at her phone which inevitably leads to issues with her friends etc, misinterpretations, accusations, I understand at her age you need friends like you need air to breathe, but, least said, soonest mended.
I did think someone had abducted my sunny, gorgeous, much loved baby, and replaced her with an impostor, but she is settling down a bit. Remember, their frontal lobe is not developed so some of their behaviour is biological, the rest is sheer adolescence, good luck.

 

Great advice - thank you!

 

I wish mine were back at that age !! Had no drama's ..Now that they are 18 and 20, it's aaarrrgghhh @$#@ he say's tearing his hair out

 

Yep. Busy is good. Phones and the internet are potentially a problem. We have a rule where no phones or computers are allowed upstairs where the bedrooms are. I have girls nearly 14 and 16 and I'm amazed that there has been no pushback about this - probably because it's a rule we have always had. The younger one actually said a few weeks ago that she's sort of glad we have that rule because lots of her friends are always tired and grumpy.

 

Send them to the shops to get some milk, whilst they are out quickly pack up and move house.

Use a PI to find them later in life when they are older .

 

Sooo tempting....

Good rule - we have that too. And we don't get push-back so much as blatant disregard. However, I have just discovered how to disable her face time and messages so I expect this will be short lived. She wouldn't even have in iPad if it were up to me, but she needs it for school.

At least not long until they're out of the house

I'm holding on to that fact!

 

**** - I don't like this thread. I have three daughters :-0 The oldest (9) is already a massive handful. I don't know how we're going to cope the teenage years.

 

talk to them like they matter.
I have 2 teens a daughter and a son plus a 9 year old.

Yes they do develop their own view points and strategies that are very out there and different. It's part of finding their way.

 

Jess, how do you disable messages ?

 

Get an older non-android phone. That'll teach 'em...

 

A ha!
First, go into settings and just turn them off.

Then - go into restrictions (after entering your code) and scroll right down to Account - allow changes (or something similar) Turn that off, and they can't turn messages back on. It's gold!!
Works for face time too.

 

School iPad - necessary evil.

 

Thanks, though thinking about it it would mean we would not be contactable by text message if needed..... so maybe not a great idea (at least for me).

The thing thats driving me insane is this you tubing videos etc and this fidgeting with phones when sitting with the family . As Albert Einstein said "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."

 

Luck plays a big part in having good kids, too. And their friends. When my Airbnb pad at home is empty on the odd occasion, I let my kids have friends over for sleepovers so we get to meet the friends. We also don't put much pressure on the kids to do well academically. If they are that way inclined, they will do it anyway - and one is. I'm aiming to get through the school years and come out the other side with girls who are sociable, have varied interests, and don't have an eating disorder. That's enough I reckon.

 

I'm very grateful my next two are boys.

There's a way to prevent any new apps being downloaded without your permission - if you have an iPhone you can set it up so they need your permission to download anything new. I haven't done that yet as I'm not sure how but I will be - my friend has all his kids devices linked to his phone that way. So if you're love youtube to never be seen again that could be an option.

Also an app called 'screen time' means you can disable the device entirely in certain hours, and also track what they're doing on it to a degree. So if you didn't want them on the phone at dinner time, or after bed time, you can set it to lock down during that period.
Handy sometimes - my daughter has messaged her friends at 2 am before, which isn't good for her or them.

 

I would also add in "are pleasant to be around', 'not drug addicts' and 'not pregnant', ideally.
Friends influence is HUGE - her friends seem nice so maybe there is hope.

 

Get them a Nokia. At least it'll last until they are 65.

 

Get hold of the book "Princess Bitchface" by Dr Michael Carr-Gregg.

Excellent reading.
Marg