Retirement FOMO - Help!

I'm turning 40 this year and have not been working for the past 2 yrs. In these 2 yrs, I have seen a real benefit of having a full-time parent at home for our child, for me and my husband - generally everyone is less stressed and happier!

I'm good at my job, worked hard to get my qualifications and get to where I was, and am paid well for the work. I know I have not yet peaked in my career, I miss work and having a 'work identity', people around me are progressing in their career. In other words, I have FOMO from retiring from professional work.

I want a part-time role (my ideal is 3day/wk, but that's impossible in my field so 4 day/wk is the least no of days I could work) so that I could have time for myself and look after my family. The challenge though is I either take on more junior roles to get the part-time component (but then I am short-selling myself) or I will need to go full-time and hustle hard (but sacrifice family time).

If we needed the money then it's a no-brainer to go back to work and hustle hard. But my income is not necessary to maintain our lifestyle.

I have enough hobbies and interests to stay mentally stimulated even if I don't work.


Help! What should I do?

 

Are your skills in demand? Check out teachable and Thinkific.

 

Warning: This is just my personal opinion.

With only 1 child and a desire not to be left behind by your peers as you've stated, I think you'd be leaving money on the table not working. 3 or more kids and it makes a little more sense being a stay at home mum.

Sounds like your husband brings home enough $ but how does he really feel about you not working?

Perhaps he'd be happier not slogging for x years and your contribution to the household income can smash the mortgage, facilitate investments etc to free him earlier too.

Re: fulltime vs part time, I reckon a flexible FT job trumps a part time job any day of the week. You could find a less taxing FT job that allows you to WFH at least 3 days a week.

It's not a mutually exclusive situation and it doesn't necessarily equate that working = child/family being neglected. It's hard to balance it all but it is possible - so I vote for getting back into the workforce as soon as practically possible.

 

I don’t have any bright ideas but wanted to say that it’s a very tough choice to make. I’ve been in the exact situation and gone from no work to part time work to full time work to part time work and have now just resigned.
As much as you have FOMO, you can always go back to your career later down the track. You can’t go back in time and spend the time with your children while they are young. However being an unfulfilled SAHP is no good either.

So no pearls of wisdom from me - just wanted to say that I know how you’re feeling.

 

Thats a pretty cool idea and I wish I thought of a platform like that! My skills are in demand, but unfortunately very boring to outsiders, I work in insurance

 

Your personal opinion is appreciated!

Yes part of my FOMO is leaving money on the table too. But we absolutely do not need my income to live on or retire right now and hence the dilemma I face with the choices.

Husband has learnt the motto 'happy wife happy life' so he is comfortable with which ever choice I make. When work gets stressful, we invariably bring it back home so its much easier if there's at least 1 person whose had a good day. Plus he is super content with his line of work and does not want to retire anytime soon.

Thats a good point. I maybe too fixated on the full vs part time element, and should just focus on picking the right type of role in full-time capacity.

 

If you are not happy then it'll leak over and affect all areas of your life.

If you don't need the money (now and later) I personally wouldn't bother with traditional work at office. If you can get enough mental stimulation and have enough outside hobbies/friends etc, then imho, '9-5 work' is a waste of time. If you don't need to AND can be happy without it.

I spend most days out with my daughter, family and friends. Between that, holidays, having fun with projects in between (which I really wouldn't call work as much of it is discussed at cafes), I'm totally satisfied.

Life is too short to waste away from those most important to you, if you can help it and afford it. If you feel something is missing, that's a different story. But if you really don't need paid work which ties you down most days, it's a totally unnecessary exercise imo.

My 5 cents.

 

Support appreciated! I don't know people IRL who has my dilemma so am grateful for this community.

Maybe the work FOMO goes away when my friends start to retire? So the solution to my FOMO is make my friends retire

The raising children FOMO is also deep, I only got one kid and so am hoping not to mess it up.

 

Is it possible to set up your own franchise or referral business? I found having your own business worked for me ... yes it was ultra hard at times ... but the hours were flexible and I could pretty much be where I needed to be for the family.

Doesn't even need to be in the industry, if there is something that has always piqued your interest, or a hobby you want to take further.

I finally formalised my Interior Design qualifications at the ripe old age of 50 ... up until that point, I indulged my passion by renovating, flipping and moving houses (IPs and PPORs) ... and today, now that the youngest is in Uni, went for my first interview as a Interior Design Consultant with one of the major builders

 

Happy for you !

I have thought hard about starting a business but I really don't have an entrepreneurial bone in me. I have been interested in philanthropic work and it would be perfect if I could apply my insurance skills somehow in that area (but I haven't figured out how yet).

 

Tough question and I don’t have an answer.

I am a big fan of Super; I know, not everyone is.

On retirement, I am a big fan of couples both having comparable balances in their Super funds, especially if one is over the cap.

I have dear friends who are close to retiring. He worked full-time all of his life and is on good money. She was the stay at home Mum (with 7 kids) who worked when life allowed her to.

His Super balance is over the cap; hers is $70,000.

Now they are looking at strategies to increase her balance as much as they can/as quick as they can including transfers from his to hers, super contribution from sale of PPOR, ...

They are both between 60 and 65. It would have so much better if they had done this 10 to 20 years ago.

That’s my 1c. @Sackie has at least 5 x my income and net worth .

 

Hush, last thing we all need is the bloody ATO on our backs.

What websites do ya think they troll for a bit fun during their lunch break from 9 - 3....

Ah, oh maybe I'm mixing up councils lunch timetable...

 

When our first daughter was born, I dropped back to part time, and when my wife returned to work, she also went part time - we both ended up on 4 days/week. When our twins were born, I went full time stay at home parent, and my wife had some time off, then built back up to 4 days/week.

It was the right thing to do for our family, but it has definitely had a big hit on my "career". When I returned to the workforce, I started low, but within a couple of months was promoted almost back up to where I was, but my wife is still the primary wage earner, and me working full time made our lives pretty miserable. I work in IT, and being male dominated, generally they dont really know how to deal with people wanting to work less than full time - which is a bit ridiculous considering how much after-hours and weekend work I usually do anyway.

I've been through a few jobs since the kids started school, and I am now at a pretty good organisation that is very flexible and supportive - I could pretty much work whatever hours I want, from home or office, so long as the jobs get done. Ostensibly I am working 3 days in the office and 1 from home - but again, I have periods of lots of after hours work (eg quarterly patching cycle). On my "day off" I volunteer at my kids school teaching ethics.

My wife allegedly works 3.5 days per week - but that is lawyer hours, so quite a bit more than that.

It works for us. I miss some aspects of being fully dedicated to work, but I like spending time with my family more

Cheers,
Inertia

 

I like super too and thx for the reminder as this is something i need to review regardless of work status.

 

Kudos to you.

I agree having two parents working is really hard.

I would aim for the part-time roles - if it makes your whole family’s life “better”.

You may be surprised - even look in other fields - many skills are transferable.

 

WFH is very doable and common esp after covid. Its just that I have tried part time and mix of WFH/office before and whilst WFH means more flexibility, its still fairly restrictive and its always a mad rush to get from A to B. That's why I had my heart set on part time cause then at least 1 day as a breather. But given the situation, I may just need to go full-time first then reassess.

 

Just want to say I think in your case, you are lucky that right now the purpose of any work is not money; it's to give yourself fulfilment, to utilise your talent.
Kids after puberty generally do not spend that much time with their mothers and if you have left the workforce for over ten years, you will find you would lag behind so much that you might not be able to follow.
If I were you I would do something unconventional, untraditional that will give me joy and challenge at the same time. Venture Capitalist. Or find a child who is smart but family is too poor to support him/ her, and provide funds for the education that will make him/ her shine....Basically make a difference to someone in this world, just one person.
Oh writing this makes me excited, wish I have the resources like you!

 

Your target market is the insiders.
Check out Natalie Gingrich
Podcast - The Ops Authority
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Natalie+Gingrich

 

You wont be in this situation forever. Your child will be in preschool soon and you can have more flexibility then. By that time you could possibly have transitioned into your own consultancy business, effectively doing projects WFH anyway. Being proactive and looking for ideas now means that a solution will present itself soon enough. You might even try a few things before this next stage of your life falls into place.