Relationship breakdown due to financial difficulties?

We're in a fair bit of financial strife at the moment because I got scammed big by a property mentor. My hubby has been amazing, staying calmer than me and hasn't once blamed me or made me feel bad about it. At times like these you find out who's really there for you no matter what.

 

He's a keeper

 

Amen to that!

 

Financial stress has nothing to do with gender, it impacts on both.....

 

When it happens it really tests your resources, both individually and as a couple. I used to think I practiced daily gratitude but I think only this real stress that I'm under now has focused my thinking and my appreciation of what and who I have. Maybe that's the difference between us and couples who split? Despite the pressure we're funding things to be grateful for everyday...even if it's only new ways to take down the person who did this to us

 

You will need to walk in someone’s shoes, its easier said than done. We are still together and survived, but it was a difficult time in our life

My partners business went pair shaped during GFC, we lost $1M of our personal funds, lucky we we were able to pay our creditors and move on

I blamed my husband initially and then got over it and just moved on.

I harbour no resentment now.

But its not as simple as you may think, how You deal with this may be very different to someone else.

If you have children it may also impact on their lives. Its not black or white, you cant expect people to all react the same way

Main thing is that we worked through it together and we survived it and moved on

 

well said MTR,

it would be impossible to say how you would react in those circumstances if you have never been in it,

but it is easy to judge the decisions/behaviour of those in those situations

 

Just remember, this is only temporary, and shall pass. You'll get through this & be much stronger for the experience.

 

It's very much what you bring to the relationship and your attitude.

Hubby and I have been through some very stressful financial times although, I understand his mindset so shielded him from a lot of what was happening (took the emotional burden on by myself). Not to be deceitful, but because I knew he would struggle to remain calm and simply work through the situation - so I did a lot of it by myself.

We also always had (and have) a contingency plan. Around 8 years ago he was about to be made redundant from a company he'd worked for, for 30 years. No problems - I sussed out a rang of jobs I could move into that paid well for long hours - okay, they were pretty ordinary jobs but one does what they have to do - we'd sell the house and downsize within the same suburb - he then would've had the option to go back to uni and retrain or search for something else. Not required as he walked straight into another job, but it was good knowing there were options.

Unlike someone else I know - husband lost their job but didn't tell wife for 12 months (until all the savings ran out) - she refused to get a job because it was his role to "provide for the family" - elderly parents bailed them out until he found new employment around 12 months later ... this left me flabbergast.

And then for those who do divorce - it's a whole new string of financial arguments because, no matter how you divide the assets, you still only end up with a portion of the whole - whereas many people believe they are entitled to have the same lifestyle/assets/combined income they had while still married

 

I've been through this before, usually its because daddy paid for everything and took care of everything for them and you're not a real man when you say no.

just send them back to their daddy.

 

Nothing new, well not at least for the last few decades.
You have to expect some initial frustration when stuff happens and some will lose their cool.
But as MTR said you get over it an on with it. There's no gain without risk.
I would think it very hard to hold blame over someone who who worked hard an honest and some things just didn't work out.

And contrary to what MTR said, it is more the female (from birth as in no willy) that expects husband (with willy) to pay the way.
It's not an unusual divorce where hubby paid the way for 20+ yrs and then stuff happens.
As it's not unusual where they're only still under one roof cause the cafe lifestyle is hard to replace.
Nothing new or strange about that either imo as that's just how it works.

 

100%. The differences in the way people manage money has a huge amount to answer for, and usually it's got very little to do with not having enough.

 

And it is just not financial issues that can cause relationships breakdowns.

As many on PC know, my wife has travelled down the breast cancer road for the last two years or so.

She is now a member of a couple of breast cancer support groups. She has met a number of women whose partners has left them (some during their treatment phase).

The reason for the male leaving:- “She is not the women he married “. How shallow!!!

We have been for 38 years. I can tell you that neither of us are the person we married.

On that basis, no relationship would last.

 

And not only that @kierank. I know of one situation where a young child was very ill and receiving treatment interstate. The mother was back and forth. The father left.

 

So many positive stories and solid relationships on this thread.

Team Angel started out poor as church mice but we were both ferociously dedicated to the goal of getting somewhere better than the lives our parents had. Mr Angel was never trained to handle money and he too gave it all to me to manage. My brother and I both grew up vowing to never be like our father.

Even as recently as 20 years ago, we would never have imagined how wealthy we are now. 40 years of living frugally has paid off. I agree with other comments above that for too many, the grass is greener. In our case, we were so poor that breaking up wasn't an option - a few times when the personality clashes reared their ugly heads, we looked at our options and neither of us was prepared to go home "to Mum". Our life was looking pretty good compared to the alternative. The worst time, our kids were teenagers and the angst was killing me. I decided that I had spent too much blood, sweat and tears to get where we were, I wasn't giving up my home or my dog. Mr Angel could have the kids, I was done with them.*

My stupid idea that lost so much money in Gladstone kinda breaks even with some of Mr Angel's previous financial decisions, so I reckon we are even. He is currently working on a project team in a coal mine earning somewhere between double and triple his usual salary, and the nice young man at QSuper explained to me exactly how to withdraw enough cash for a two month overseas trip without having to resign from my job.

The kids are in their 30s now and we still grieve for the healthy prosperous lives they dont have, but I have never ever been as content as I am these last few years.

* For those who dont know us, both boys have disabilities.

 

I am a big believer in karma. I don’t want to be cruel or revengeful but ...

 

Family I know had a child with quite significant physical problems. They were told that the divorce rate for families with a disabled child was around 75%. The extra stresses are just too much for many.

One of my daughters was seriously ill for over five years, so I do have some idea of how difficult things can be for the whole family, siblings included.
Marg

 

Same here!

When we returned from our honeymoon, we had $135 in the bank. Our agreement was (and is) that if one of us wants out, they take their $67.50 and b*gger off!
Marg

 

Classic Marg

 

A case of mistaken identity or mutual partner swapping?