Presents, Gifts

Yep, agreed Marissa. All that matters is that they grow up into responsible, happy people. My husband got given nothing, paid board and paid his own way through university. He was absolutely hopeless with money. Who knows?--perhaps it's in the genes.

 

Luci, yes I hear you loud and clear.
I also don't see the point in judging what others do in their families, what works for me may not work for you and who cares. Live and let live.

MTR

 

My kids have chores and tasks to do. They have paid jobs and obligatory jobs.

Parents do what they can. But we do raise them as close family members where extended family is included in everything that we do. Both sets of parents and brothers have keys to our house and vise versa.

We went cherry picking today, one of the grandmothers came with us and one uncle. The uncles and grandparents that were not able to come get a box of cherries delivered to their house.

One of my son's jobs this week is to take down his grandmothers curtains so she can wash them and then he will put them back up again. He is expected to help because she asked.

My kids won't pay rent but we do expect them to put family first - that's how they were raised and I think it is very much a cultural thing.

 

Not all horses will drink when led to the water, unfortunately. But being given nothing and having to pay board is not really financial education from your parents either.

But, don't you think that if we have the chance to at least steer our own kids in the right direction; we should make an effort? (given what we all here see around us - folks who have no financial skills and bad money management habits)

Most folks wandering around will end up as pensioners; we already know that as a fact based on the stats.

I'd rather be making an attempt with my kids to help them be educated financially (and academically).

 

But we ARE all steering and educating.

 

That's what I thought Xenia, am I missing something, most smart people would be doing this


MTR

 

My reply post previously was in reference to BigKahuna's husband - her post seemed to imply that he had been given some "financial education" from his parents via a "tough love" approach of sorts, and that it hadn't helped him - so why bother? (maybe I read it wrong)

I am sure most of us here on PC and over at SS are off the grid in terms of helping our kids with financial education compared to the masses.

 

BV
Great if you can help your children regardless but money is only one aspect. I can think of countless other ways and you don't need money but time.

MTR

 

I agree.

The topic of discussion in my post was to do with money though - not having money, but teaching the kids about money...

There are a million other life topics we need to discuss with our kids too, of course.

 

The paying rent thing probably has more to do with class than anything else. If the parents are still paying off the mortgage and struggling to get food on the table and they have adult kids at home who are working or getting some kind of govt income, it makes sense that they contribute.
As already said, children stay at home so much longer now.
When I was young I thought it was a good idea and offered to pay rent though I could hardly afford it. It wasn't necessary but I wanted to do it. Unfortunately, it wasn't put into the family budget and definitely not saved up for me. Anyway, I moved out @ 22 as soon as I finished uni. Not a moment too soon.
It's true that alcohol and money problems have had an adverse effect on our culture and the generosity and family values brought in via immigration have been of huge benefit.
Bringing a plate is annoying to 7th and 8th generation too. Always nice to offer to bring something though - it's a way of pitching in, understanding that everyone works and everyone is tired and the more, the merrier. Maybe you make a cake really well or a salad or have a favourite wine or soft-drink that you like to share. Shouldn't be up to just oneperson or family and no-one likes a show-off.

 

WattleIdo
I come from Italian background, paying rent is unheard of in our culture.

MTR

 

My paternal grandparents ended up in a refugee camp in india and then on a boat to singapore as they were displaced during the violence of the india/pakistan partition and had to flee. They had a stall selling shoes on the street in singapore, kind of like u see in bali etc and were extremely poor, especially with 8 kids. Poor as in no electicity for quite a while eggs once a week if lucky, meat max 1 a month as treat for someones birthday.

Even then there was no question of rent. You see teenagers in this country being asked by their folks to cough up, i didnt realise there was a credit limit, ie once u hit this point youre on your own.

I could move in tomorrow with my grandmother, parents, 2 different aunties and at least 1 cousin, unannounced at short notice. The same would be for them with me or my folks. Thats what family should be about, not petty counting of dollars.

Moneys great but its not at the top of my priority list.

Its sad imo often the lack of bonds you see prevalent in so many families. Look at how many pensioners u see out there so lonely and spending most days alone, often despite living in the same city as their kids and grand kids.

 

OK I have to admit that I would like this. But how is it that anyone ever leaves home? How do you not end up supporting a bunch of big babies? What about the brother or sister who forever expects hand-outs? The aunt or uncle who sponges off your grandmother?

 

Which is exactly what happens - in Italy for example 79% of adults up to the age of 30 live at home with their parents, compared to ~30% for the UK, Germany etc.

Personally I don't have an issue with young adults finished school living with their parents whilst they save for their first home, finish university etc. But I'd be expecting the kids would want to find their own way in life after that point.

 

how does anyone leave home? because they want to? because they're raised right? i left home at 23 i think, my brother left home, we dont expect any handouts. we both know we could rock up tomorrow at my folks door and move in for years if we needed to though and they could do the same. my grandfather sold a house he had and moved into a much smaller one because he wanted to buy a house for my uncle's widow after my uncle passed away. it was never asked or even remotely expected, he just did it because she needed it more than he did. being there for each other is worth more than anything in the bank.

you get the odd bum/lemon in the family of course but that's the case in every part of society.

 

youth unemployment is also significantly higher in italy vs germany

 

Same Sanj

My family are refugees to Australia too. I have the same family values.
I could go and take the cars of my uncles/cousins anytime if I wanted to.

Wattle - you can't stop the parasites they are in every family whether you are close or not, I would rather focus on a close family unit. The love extends out to everyone.
As Sanj said if a child or adult is at our place when dinner/lunch/ breakfast is on, they get a plate. That's how we are.

We have people over for breakfast every week almost - usually tradespeople there to pick up keys for vacant property repairs or our cleaners doing their weekly cleaning at my house.

 

Yes, I think the point of differnce is the availability of welfare.
While your family sounds very generous and warm, the cultural origins of sticking so closely together might come from the fact that a woman would once have been destitute if her husband died - no chance of remarriage.
And with kids there's now the freedom to live together with friends and partners before settling down - without being judged and enduring a lifetime of stigma.
Your brother and you were raised well and left home to find your own ways. Not everyone is raised well though.
I do notice, now living in a town, that kids leave home early and also have babies early. They're still close to their parent/s though. And there's plenty of welfare going around.
In a society where it's not difficult to make your own way and there's a safety net, it does seem wrong to expect so much from the olds - each generation is much better off than their parents. It can be hard when you're young though.

 

My paternal grandparents were refugees of war. My grandfather had a successful business overseas. Living a good life and supporting his family.
They came to Australia to escape the atrocities in their country to establish their children here and live in a safe prosperous country with their 3 children. Two of them were adults with the 3rd 15 years old.
They rented a house and the two sons worked full time jobs to help the family save for a deposit to buy a house. After 1 year, with my grandfather, father and uncle working full time they were able to buy a house with the deposit. My grandfather promised his sons if they help pay it off then he would help them in business afterwards.
What actually happened was nothing like promised. The sons helped their parents pay off the house and did so in 5 years. Once the house was paid off my grandfather (who was only 45) retired. He worked the odd job here and there just pay for basic expenses and said he was getting old and couldn't help his sons financially in any way.
The sons got married and bought their own homes. A few years later they wanted to buy a business together but didn't have enough equity in their homes for security so asked their father for security of his home (which the sons paid two thirds of) for the loan. He refused telling them that business was risky and they would fail. (what a way to encourage your kids)

Eventually after waiting a few more years they had built up enough equity in their respective homes to get a loan for a business and are still in that business after 30 years.

I just thought I'd share that because we have heard some stories about people with hard lives who overcame obstacles and then later on helped their children to get ahead in life.....so this story is the opposite where parents used their children for their own benefit then when their children needed them most they weren't there to support them. It's sad. Also it creates an interesting situation where you wonder will their children do the same to their own children in the future or will they learn from their parents flaws and do something better for their children?

 

This is normal, surely. I wouldn't think that's a cultural differnce.