Good on you Sanj - to me family is extremely important and I'm very close to not only my kids and husband but also to parents and my brother too. I think my kids have my mindset and I certainly have my dads, but at the end of the day, if what works best for them is to be hippies that live in caravans and have no wealth, I couldn't care less as long as they are happy. They have been exposed to the other side and they have had extremely hard working role models, not only me but their grandfather too. They have also been exposed to poor mentalities too, entitlements, co dependence etc and yes they can see it. Now it's up to them to choose what they want. I will still help where I can.
I was thrown the keys to a Ferrari for my 15th birthday. Unfortunately I only had it about 3 months, never drove it of course, but I washed the bejesus out of it. (I don't think ownership ever changed hands... but for a long time I thought it had). Edit: worst of all, I never got a single photo to prove it. We lived in Glenhaven, Sydney at the time, and when Mum and Dad left for work, I'd roll the door up, start it up and rev it, or sit there and change gears clutch and all, pretending I was driving it. I cringe to think of the abuse.
I try not to spend too much on my children. I want them to learn about effort and develop a work ethic. They've always had part-time jobs. I've let them be poor at times. It won't harm them. That being said, they've all been given cars (as gifts from their grandparents) because they're still studying. My daughter had a friend who was given a Ferrari for his 18th. He wrote it off after a few months. He then got a new one, and about two weeks later had another accident. His parents are extremely hard workers. I do wonder whether he'll have their work ethic. I think everyone's got a different attitude towards money, and that's fine. If you start to judge others on their money habits, it says more about you than them.
My mother and mother-in-law looked after our kids so hubby and I could visit his Dad in Europe for his 40th birthday. It was time we never get together as a couple and we found out we still actually 'liked' each other when not interrupted every 5 minutes. It was an awesome gift of time!
i agree, that's a good approach to have. i must admit to being a bit of a hypocrite at times and sometimes judging others re money habits. the main one which confused me the first time i heard about it and to this day 18 years after moving to this country still makes me want to bang my head against the wall - people charging their kids rent, in particular when they're quite young (but anytime really). i cant help myself from being a little judgemental when i come across it, does my head in.
Sanj, I think you're talking about cultural differences. I wouldn't charge rent, but have threatened to when I wanted them to clean their rooms. I think my generation have created (for the most part and I'm guilty of it too) some really entitled kids. You want to give your children everything, but often times by doing that you're simply enabling them. If I did charge rent, I would put it into a separate bank account for them.
I can see where Sanj is coming from too, charging kids rent, byo bbqs are things that are sometimes found offensive by us European, middle eastern, Asian, Indian cultures which are very similar to each other and very different to Anglo Saxon cultures in many ways. We ran a restaurant for many years and I did not like watching people order really bad food for their kids then asking the kids not to touch the parents food. My kids have always eaten off my plate and if they like my meal better I just order another one of those. Grandparents would do exactly the same for them because it's in our culture that children are very important.
you just said you wouldnt charge rent so clearly you agree with me. im referring to those who do and dont put it in a savings account or whatever. call it cultural differences or whatever, i find it extremely hard to swallow. these are probably often the same kind of parents who sit around in their older years and wonder why their kids or grandkids only see them a couple of times a year despite living in the same city.
what the hell??? yeah ive heard some shockers over the years, mates going over to each others houses, parents setting a plate for their kids and letting the other kids sit there awkwardly with nothing etc. there is an underlying selfish what's mine is mine type approach to life by many in this country, thankfully it isnt quite as prevalent as it used to be if my observations are any indication. sad way to live your life and a terrible example to set for your kids.
I think that most would look at the 2 options of paying rent or not as being culturally different rather than passing judgement that one culture is superior to the other.
im happy to pass judgement when talking about gouging your old children or not sharing food with someone who is hungry, particularly a guest in your house. i consider that a moral deficit and character flaw. like i said im not referring to those trying to teach their kids the value of money etc (clearly anyway that hasnt worked with 90% of the country retiring on the govt teat). all cultures have some things that could be improved upon, indian culture has heaps without a doubt. when it comes to whatever culture these 2 traits can be attributed to (anglo? aussie?) they definitely could use some work in this department. ultimately i think it's hard to argue that families being super close and always being there for each other is a bad trait, it's quite plain to see there are many cultures where families are a lot close than in many cases in anglo families in australia. still exists of course, im just saying it is not as common. for clarity, not saying all is bad at all, just referring to these specific points. there is lots that's great about our culture and approach to life in australia too.
One of my best friends was charged board by his parents when he started working (he left school early to pursue a career in Pro Golf, but didn't make it, so switched managing our ProShop where we worked instead, then on to Computer Analyst later on). I saw no problem with that strategy by his parents; when you leave home and go out into the real world, you have to pay for your accommodation somehow, so why not be given the discipline when at home? It never affected him, and he has gone on to be a successful and worthwhile addition to the human race. Incidentally; what no-one knew at the time; his parents were secretly saving his board, and gave it to him as a 21st birthday present. My son is now 14, and he gets a basic pocket money for some minor jobs around the house..take out/bring in the bin and keep his room clean, basically. We never take away his pocket money for failing to do these tasks (and homework); just threaten to take away the "toys" such as XBox, phone etc...usually works, and hardly ever have to make the threat. But, he now has a need for dollars to buy stuff, and we don't want to have him expect that life is handed to you on a plate...it isn't. So, we have devised a spreadsheet of tasks for him to do - all voluntary - and for each task he gets paid...be lazy and make no effort; get no extra pay. At the end of each week we tally his "timesheet" of extra jobs and it gets added to his pocket money. The money he earns pays for his wants. Also; at least 10% of his pocket money is deducted for his "investment" account - he cannot spend it on anything but investing. This has been his pattern since 5 years old, and his account now has a few grand in it (we've chucked in some extra dollars each month too). He currently puts away more than 20% which is good. In 6 months time when he is old enough to start part-time work; hopefully he has these habits down and will smash it financially through his good habits and work ethic.
Again, the example you have given is not what im talking about, i said that specifically a couple of posts before. I can understand that approach. I might not do it myself but i can understand it. Homes should always be open to family. We spent 4 years with the 4 of us in 1 bedroom in my grandparents home due to being broke and dad trying to start his first business. Similarly since we have had many relatives stay with us, some for months. If someone cant even do that for their immediate family let alone extended then i think there is something wrong with the family unit. I could think of at least 10 relatives where if the needed to they could move in with me indefinitely. Similarly there are a fair few who would happily do the same for me. I much prefer that approach to "sorry ive done my bit, good luck/godspeed".
First, I made no comment about not sharing food, not sure why you included this in your reply, red herring perhaps? I have 2 adult children who didn't pay rent but don't find it hard to mount an arguement to do so, such as teaching the value of money and meeting responsibilities. The 90% of the country retiring on the government teat would that be only those that charged rent or include those that didn't.
Sorry my previous comment included the food example so i thought you were referring to that as well. Re the govt teat, my point is that if this approach (which isnt uncommon) is to teach people the value of money it clearly isnt working. If it was the vast majority wouldnt retire with their hand out, or have gone through decades of prosperity and growth in this country without ending up in a position of self sufficiency
It would seem that neither approach has taught people the value of money with 90% retiring on the Government teat. I don't think this is as simple and clear as you and as such don't judge myself to be superior in this matter to those that charge rent.
Each to their own but there are situations out there where parents allow their adult children to live with them 'for free' to allow the children to save/get ahead. Then, these children go on cruises, buy expensive shoes and handbags - they are effectively using their parents to fund a lifestyle they cannot realistically afford once they move out on their own. I don't think this is helpful to anyone involved - and it won't happen in my house.
All to their own, whether your children pay rent, or not, there are way too many variables to determine how it will pan out, because its not just about the money. We are a very complex lot. Living at home when younger I never paid rent, my children don't pay rent. I manage money well so do my children. My partner paid rent when living at home and when I met him he was hopeless with money. For me personally I know my children need a leg up today/now, they wont need it when they old. If this means I am giving them too much, I really don't care, they have grown into responsible, happy people, that is all that matters, I must have done something right. MTR
