Pre marital sex

Looked in the mirror

 

Shame on you. I told you a million times not to mention the mirror on my bedroom ceiling.

 

The last thing im going to do is intervene.
He is old enough and probably more experienced than me.

I wrote this for general conversation.

My first gf in high school was a bit like that. She did talk about it alot but i cant recall if she talked the same way.

Just thought id ask if people who are inclined like that are just caught up in the its so sacred thing. And if my gf started using words like let and allow id be pretty annoyed and would be saying things like im letting you see me to prove a point

 

From the sound of it the male usually take the kind of belief as personal rejection?

From personal experience the "sacred" thing has a lot to do with upbringing and not the actual partner. The word "let" or "allow" usually does not mean the partner is not "worth" it, it usually means she's not comfortable with the idea. Why is it need to be taken personally?

Not the same. If one partner has expectation that sex is part of the relationship and the other does not see the same, they have a mismatch that need to be communicated.

 

I don't understand why are you so hung up on those words. Words are nothing. It could mean something else entirely in a different conversation and setting.
There is a cultural difference as well.

 

You can't tell him, you can't warn him. But as a friend, as a cousin, you need to get him to ask the right questions to himself.

 

The other side of the coin is that she’s likely to be a one-man girl, faithful through thick and thin. At least that’s what I read in her comment “he has to be the one”.

The certainty of love is deeply satisfying, much more than sex.

 

Love is 4 parts: heart, mind, body and spirit. Can you have love with 1 of those parts missing?

 

Who said this?

Body means sex? Is it always?

The cliche stereotypical statement is this - Male want to have intercourse as means to show love, Female have need to feel they are loved before having one.

The means to show intimacy for both party is different

 

Nothing is missing here for the man who knows to wait.

 

Yeah, but what if they get married and then start having major incompatibility issues and disputes.
Probably draws out the inevitable much longer than necessary causing even more loss.

 

This thread is unf#$@ed

 

Um, don't get married unless both of them sure they have the commitment to work things through? Why is it sound like people getting married as side effect, without being sure that both parties is going to put the relationship as priority?

 

both me and junior both understnad its a cultural thing, its not taken personally,

with respect I think you are misunderstaning the dilemma he feels he is facing, and I get where he is coming from. hypothetically, if they do get engaged t obe married, I dont htink they would get up to any hanky panky until wedding night, so its not the reference to him not being the one, she thinks its sacred etc. etc. which is fine, difference in mindset.
but its the attitude or perceived attitude which is shown in the words used by "let" and "allow"

like I previously mentioned, I dont think he would be very popular amongst anyone if he said "oh last week I let me girlfriend spend some time with me". in fact if he did that, id probably slap him too

 

I completely agree, if someone said
- oh we have been dating for 2 weeks and are getting married next month
- we are getting married and yet we have only met eachother a few times(ignoring arranged marriages)
- we met online and are getting married we are meeting for the first time in a month
- I dont know anything about his family, friends, jobs, etc.

we'd all be pretty concerned.

cultural/religous stuff aside, living with someone, holidyaing with someone, intimacy is all stuff thats important to see who a person is, to do none of that before getting hitched for life you might as well go to the casino and put it all on black

im sure it has worked for some people, but frankly to make a life long comitment without knowing about the person is frigging nuts

 

I think your cousin is 'hearing' her parents voices in reverse. I know that doesn't make sense but the words you would have grown up with are often the ones that come out of your mouth. For example she would have grown up with these things said over and over:
- do not let a boy touch you there/there and there
- good girls don't let boys kiss them
- pure girls don't allow boys to be with them alone
- do not act forward with a boy
- do not let a boy lead you astray

This is where the let/allow words come from - they are words her parents would have constantly said and it's not that she is considering herself a trophy and will graciously bestow her gifts on him at her choosing - they are just terms indoctrinated in society.

 

Absolutely.

Thats why when i meet people who go on and on and on about how sex is sacred and kissing etc etc etc i feel like replying "why do you guys have such strong opinion on something youve never tried"
Are you tryijg to convince others or yourself for what you are missing out on?

And yes althoigh ive yet to hear her talk like that . She doesnt seem like that as she is a pretty cool girl . So sometimes i do wonder if she is cutting and pasting what her parents have been drumming into her since young

 

I think it is inherently different matter

I'd say here "I never let a guy touch me" (in intimate way) is the same with like your cousin saying "I never let a guy touch me" (in intimate way).
In this context (and again, depends on the person and how it's said) it is not meant as "gift" to allow guy to touch her/him, it implies personal boundary that she might not yet willing to cross.

 

interesting, thats a good point, kudos

 

All I see here is stick, where is the carrot? (Did you see that joke I just made?)

One can have personal boundaries but still be interested.

Why would she not say, "I am committed to wait until I'm married, but whoever that lucky guy is, I will make him smile".

Getting married is far more important than property which is what we do and discuss here. How much due diligence to we do on a property purchase? Why is a potential life partner and all the legality that involves any different?