Partner is slowing me down!

Discussion in 'Investor Psychology & Mindset' started by Inov8ive, 2nd Aug, 2015.

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  1. JDP1

    JDP1 Well-Known Member

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    If there is strong love for eachother, then these issues can likely be sorted. If not, yep, get out the pre nup asap.
     
  2. Sashatheman

    Sashatheman Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that you are having bad luck in agreeing with your wife, Brian.
     
  3. SeafordSunshine

    SeafordSunshine Well-Known Member

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    I learnt something a while ago, and that is that No doesn't mean No, it means , not now!
    As in 'later darling' gently!
    I hope this helps
     
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  4. Andrew H

    Andrew H Well-Known Member

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    I had exactly the same problem with my partner (now wife). I actually found this to be a very important obstacle to overcome and very strategic as well. At the end of the day i knew this had to be overcome to reach our goals (whether she knew it or not). We have Zero family and friends that think like minded to myself in reaching goals and wanting "US" to be financially free through investing. So whilst investing and looking at numbers and deals is one thing - having a healthy relationship with the person you are also using the funds with and meeting the same life goals is another- but equally as important if you plan on having them stick around. We are relativly young too i'm 31 and my wife is 26 and now we have a 6 month old. I believe i have now pretty much solved this issue and we are on the same path. This is what worked for us (me) may not work for everyone as beleive me i know every couple is different.

    In a nutshell without too much detail i did the following after some research and thinking about that person (my wife) in detail quietly:

    a) have her attend seminars (even though some a full of Bull******) coffee meet ups and anything to do with having her surrounded by like minded people in the flesh - not on TV. Don't force them to - it will happen eventually and learn eventually.

    b) Negotiating Rule # 1 - Make it a Win / Win. i studied up on negotiating and listened to some awesome audio books on this. Remember they dont see things exaclty the way we do, nor study as hard at making money as us. All i needed to ask is "what does she want? my wife does not like looking at numbers or property - but does like the idea of being rich or having nice things. So everytime i make a big property deal or want to make a deal i think - what does she want? If i can answer that i usually get what i want. Once i asked that question things became much easier!!! I got answers like - i want to spoil my friend to a trip the winery fields in NSW or i need to upgrade my car (selling one), or i want to have a huge pamper package. To me all i think is the $dollar value of these requests. All are '**** all' to what i want so that was easy to agree to. You might be surprised how cheap some of these things are once you do the numbers. Also ask 'how can i get this for her' instead of anything else. I am also not a tight arse i had to get over that a long time ago. we don't live below our means.

    c) Make it a secret. Sounds weird i know, but many of our friends don't know we have a large property portfolio and wonder how we have a big house, cars etc on low incomes, so i get her involved in the 'Secret'. i.e. "make sure you don't tell anyone" approach make her feel she is part of the 'exclusive' club of our financial lives. I could elaborate more on this - but when she meets like minded people she feels included and exclusive - i.e. rich (the things she likes). Whilst i don't consider myself rich by any means as there will always be someone richer, if she had $1000 to flog off on anything she wants - she will. (but that slowly changed too ;).

    d) Changing someone mindset is an Art and Strategic. Think about it, businesses do this all the time. To be honest we had many fights along the journey so i knew fighting wasn't the answer because we we'ren't growing the portfolio. Making it a strategic challenge actually got me interested in it more and peoples pshycology. Which i have taken into the investing world and actually made it worth while financially and better our relationship as we no longer fight over this and our portfolio has grown because of this.

    e) Do it for the family - small one, but now that we have a new addition to the family i can palm off an lot of Win/ Win negotiating to benefit our son. Which both in turns gets what i want whilst improving the life of my family. My wife has immediatley got the mother bug' so making wins / wins for our son has been another execellent tool for getting things done.

    f) Bribing didn't work - I don't get this mixed up with negotiating. Totally different as bribing doesn't work for me, but strategic negotiating does. If she feels i am offering something to her soley to benefit me it doesn't happen.

    Anyway hope this helps someone or anyone, if not so be it :)
     
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  5. bob shovel

    bob shovel Well-Known Member

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  6. Bayview

    Bayview Well-Known Member

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    Reading between the lines; it sounds like you have no kids (based on IP's, travel and food lifestyle), and she is ready to have them, but hasn't got up the nerve to discuss it and ruin your parade?
     
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  7. bob shovel

    bob shovel Well-Known Member

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    They have a life in short! Haha kids are cool, I'll keep mine for a bit longer yet
     
  8. Inov8ive

    Inov8ive Well-Known Member

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    We have a one and a half year old daughter, but you are right in your thought process that she has been wanting to nest and concentrate on family.
     
  9. Redwing

    Redwing Well-Known Member

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    I'd like to get my wife to have a coffee with MTR or Westminster :D

    coffee-on-off.jpg
     
  10. sanj

    sanj Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    On a somewhat related note, did you guys have extensive discussions about money, your approaches, goals, finacisl situations etc before things got really serious?

    Ive noticed many anglo aussies (not in any way being racist, just a general observation) keeo those things very private, often even from parents, kids, siblings erc let alone close friends. Do you think having these discussions earlier would help and do you think maybe growing up where money wasn't really talked about othee than get a job, pay it off, debt is bad is part of the reason so many of us aussies have weird hangups about money?

    These are genuine questions btw not rhetorical ones. Among my close friends and business partners we quite comfortably talk about our losses, wins, dollar figures etc and certainly with my immediate family and some but not all extended. Eg a friend came extremely close to bankruptcy earlier this year with a sizeable debt, he talked it through over a few months with a few of us, we put together a plan, and he juuuuuuust got over the line and eveyone got paid in time.

    Hes since launched something new that i suspect will make $1m in first year. He openly says he couldn't have done it alone so why do so many people insist on being ao secretive? Like i said before im genuinely curious here

    What's the concern that people have in terms of not wanting to share? Is it a fear of the tall poppy syndrome?
     
  11. Perthguy

    Perthguy Well-Known Member

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    I don't know what it is but I know it's common. One of my extended family got in financial trouble and started "borrowing" money from the organisation he worked for. First we heard anything about it, he was found out and sacked. It was really a police matter, but the organisation he worked for wanted to keep it quiet, so they made a deal with him... off the record. It was very poor outcome that could have been avoided if him and his wife had sought support before the situation got out of control. I have no idea what motivated them to keep it secret until he lost his career. Pride?
     
  12. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    I choose who I share the details with - Those who understand I have a lot of loan, not money

    The main issue is in my head

    It's not the tall poppy syndrome, it's that they might think I am a tall poppy (I am not!) and ask me to start spreading the seeds and fertilizer for them for free (applicable to extended family)

    Quite ok with sharing number on losses, not so with sharing profit details. :rolleyes:
     
  13. sanj

    sanj Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Thanks, i guess i can understand that to an extent. I certainly am selective with who i can be open but there are still a few people who im completely comfortable sharing wins and losses with and same with them. There's often a lot to learb by doing that imo
     
  14. dabbler

    dabbler Well-Known Member

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    There is a reason for the saying "mind your own business", basically, because it is your business.

    Also etiquette comes to mind.