Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"



"Morris Feinberg," he replied.



"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."





"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"





"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."





"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."





"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."



"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."



And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".



"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"



"Like I'm talking to a Brick wall!"

 

A tenant rings his landlord and tells him he’s got a leak in the sink. The landlord asks if it’s urgent. The tenant replied yes. The landlord then tells him to go ahead.

 

Why is Ireland a good investment ?

Cause its capital is dublin'

 

Blonde walks into a bank
A blonde walks into a bank in New York city, and talks to the bank's loan officer, asking for a loan.

Loan officer: "How much do you need to take a loan out for?"

Blonde: "Only $1000."

Loan officer: "Do you have collateral?"

The blonde pulls out the keys to a 2016 Ferrari California T, and hands it to the loan officer. Realizing how much this car is worth, and how much this will help his career if she doesn't pay up, he happily grabs the keys, pulls out the $1000, and hands it to the blonde.
She thanks him and walks out, grabbing a cab and then taking off.
The loan officer smiles big, drives the car into the bank's lot, locks the doors, and laughs while he's spinning the keys in his hand.
After a week, the blonde comes back, pays the $1000, plus the interest of $200, and puts her hands out for her keys back.
The loan officer grabs the keys, but hesitates to give them back to her.

Loan officer: "Ma'am, I actually did a background check on you, and I was amazed what I found. You have multi-millions of dollars in multiple accounts here, as well as a charity foundation that is in your name, and multiple small business investments that have paid off very well. What did you need the $1000 loan for, and why did you give your car for collateral?"

Blonde: "Well, I had to travel out of country for a business meeting and couldn't drive to the airport."

The loan officer looks back at her, confused.

Loan officer: "But why did you need the $1000?"

Blonde: "Well, where else could I drop my car off for $200 in New York City, and expect it back in the condition I left it?"

 

Was that a multi-generational house in NZ?

 

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the'' Village Idiot''. "This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?" "Nothing to it," said the ''Idiot''. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."

 

A man is rushed to hospital with 6 toy horses stuck in his behind. His condition was described as stable.

 

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore Apple T&C's

 

If a publican changes careers then returns to the industry. Are they a republican?

 

My wife asked me to get a some kibble...

I thought it was a little large for a cat but what would I know?