Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Lock him up in a Faraday cage.

 

@Gockie - you used the wrong half of the lemon.

 

Star Wars is getting a bit spicy. Yoda has a girlfriend, Heehoo. In one steamy scene you can watch Yoda Lay Heehoo.

 

Two Hungarian Gypsies were haggling over the price of a Horse..
As they argued,the horse galloped full speed towards a brick wall..
Your horse is blind complained the would be buyer..
Not blind ,said the seller. Brave..

 

** Be aware **
Last night we ordered Chinese from a local takeaway. (I won't name them) .....I went to collect it and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and swear they were moving. I thought had something crept into the bag? My mind was working overtime, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peeping out at me. When I stopped at the traffic lights, I picked up the bag, and put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ...
... A Peeking Duck!!!

 

Better than the alternative without the Potassium (k)

 

The police just pulled me over and said "papers", I said "scissors, I win" and drove off.

I think he wants a rematch, he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

 

My wife said it was the worst birthday she had ever had. And it was all my fault.

I didn't even know it was her birthday!

 

Security Check Required

 

Author unknown:

BREAKING NEWS: Mathematics Teacher Arrested at JFK

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a “slide-rule” and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “Al-Gebra has terrorized many young people for years. They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

As the Greek philosopher, Isosceles, used to say: “There are three sides to every triangle.” When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said: “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

 

@kierank - That's so obtuse.