Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

My wife is NOT impressed!!!

My PC privileges have been withdrawn for a month as punishment.

 

A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg was trying to hitch a ride. Another man pulls up and says “Aye, aye, aye! you look ‘armless, ‘op in!”

 

Now guys this is

Spoiler: Sirius

 

The Chicken and the Egg were having a post-coital cigarette and the Chicken said, "Well, that answers THAT age old question."

 

Saw this one on Facebook

A cowboy asked me if I could round up 18 cows. I said “yes, of course, that’s 20 cows”

 

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.

The three men had always done everything together!!!!!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two a##holes.”

“What? He had two a##holes?” asked the mortician.

Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two a##holes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two a##holes!”

 

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”

The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

“We’ll do it.”

 

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

Indian pregnancy test

 

I thought that was just in time for Halloween too.

 

How do you know if someone is a vegan?

They’ll tell you.





A woman was having a heart attack on a plane. The flight attendant asked over the PA, “is anyone a doctor?”

A man out his hand up and said “I’m not a doctor, but I’m a vegan”

 

Glad that I don't live around your place.