Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by HD_ACE, 18th Jun, 2015.

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  1. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    My wife is NOT impressed!!!

    My PC privileges have been withdrawn for a month as punishment.
     
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  2. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Then it's just as well you didn't mention the bit how that grandma hangs out his pajamas.
     
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  3. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  4. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    The clown is back on point duty
    Screenshot_20190824-155836.png
     
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  5. Hetty

    Hetty Well-Known Member

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    A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg was trying to hitch a ride. Another man pulls up and says “Aye, aye, aye! you look ‘armless, ‘op in!”
     
  6. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Now guys this is
    [​IMG]
     
  7. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

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    It is still all about ME!
    The Chicken and the Egg were having a post-coital cigarette and the Chicken said, "Well, that answers THAT age old question."
     
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  8. Hetty

    Hetty Well-Known Member

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    Saw this one on Facebook

    A cowboy asked me if I could round up 18 cows. I said “yes, of course, that’s 20 cows”
     
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  9. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    I went to a school reunion. It was no fun. Somebody invited a bunch of old people.
     
  10. turk

    turk Well-Known Member

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    Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.

    The three men had always done everything together!!!!!

    Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

    The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

    The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

    Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

    The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

    Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two a##holes.”

    “What? He had two a##holes?” asked the mortician.

    Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two a##holes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two a##holes!”
     
  11. Momentum

    Momentum Well-Known Member

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    A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

    The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”

    The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

    “We’ll do it.”
     
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  12. Gockie

    Gockie Unicycle anywhere and everywhere... Premium Member

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    Screenshot_20191015-174115_Samsung Internet.jpg
     
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  13. Momentum

    Momentum Well-Known Member

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    A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

    These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
     
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  14. ms420

    ms420 Well-Known Member

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    Indian pregnancy test
     

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  15. Gockie

    Gockie Unicycle anywhere and everywhere... Premium Member

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    74224170_2766937976659199_6927481918564859904_o.jpg
     
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  16. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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  17. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    I thought that was just in time for Halloween too.
     
  18. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    No. I made chocolate covered brussels sprouts to give out for Halloween candy.
     
  19. Hetty

    Hetty Well-Known Member

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    How do you know if someone is a vegan?

    They’ll tell you.





    A woman was having a heart attack on a plane. The flight attendant asked over the PA, “is anyone a doctor?”

    A man out his hand up and said “I’m not a doctor, but I’m a vegan”
     
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  20. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Glad that I don't live around your place. :oops: