Entertainment & Music Joke Thread

Spare a thought for the enlightened states & territories in Oz.

 

Wow

 

Just wow - from Qld or WA originally?

 

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

 

that's classic

 

It would be a big joke when we have 3 moons....
https://www.smh.com.au/world/asia/c...other-audacious-projects-20181121-p50hba.html

 

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action...
They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more frantic coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other in the way only two people in the first flush of lust can... But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: 'You mean I've been here already?'

 

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, top shelf single malt scotch whiskey, Guinness on tap, Cuban cigars and Swiss liqueur chocolates nearby.

And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears the priest come in so he begins his confession: “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be. I promise that I will confess more regularly from now on”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”

 

Three non-descript people of differing sexes, race and creed walked into bar.

This PC stuff has just gone too far.

 

At 85 years Wally finally succumbed. Well after all, his wife Anne was only 25 years old and Wally's ticker ain't what it used to be.

Wally was cremated and his ashes placed in an urn which sat on his coffee table.

Anne was miserable, even though she inherited the house, car, million dollar bank account etc. To proceed with life various suitors were introduced to her.

These suitors would visit her, have a coffee and light up a cigarette and of course examine the urn with Wally's ashes. And when Anne wasn't looking, the urn was used an ash tray lol.

This went on for months and slowly the urn was filling.

One day Wally's grandson visited and decided to try his luck.

After a coffee he opened the urn and yelled "Gee, pop's putting on weight!"