Health & Family IVF

Foster care is a total different beast.

Got to go into it with eyes open though. Lots of foster kids are disabled or have mental health issues or physical health issues, etc... so lots and lots of work.

As a foster carer you might only have the kids for a couple of months before they go back to their parents.

Its a tough gig. Much tougher than regular parenting.

And from what I hear you get dumped with the kids without any ongoing support.

Got to love the system.

With that said ive talked to kids in foster care and they seem pretty cool. They dont seem to open up to their foster carers though. So I dont think you ever really get that parent child relationship with them. Almost more of a bed and breakfast administrator role...

But I dont know ive not done foster caring myself. Anyone have any experiences?

I want a big family. The fact that I cant definitely eats me up a bit. But thats life. Life isnt custom made to suit me. Its a brutal unjust ***** that cant hear you moan so there is little value in doing so.

And like I say to my wife. If we cant have kids then lets get jet skiis.

 

Thankyou to all for the replies and PM's. Some good some bad. But all shares of experience.
This is our first egg retrieval after several months of trying to get the correct recipe to get her hormone levels right. Fingers crossed.
It is a roller coaster ride of emotion, not to mention who I'm going to come home to each night!
To cover several posts, out of the three pregnancies we've lost, two were early losses, sub 12 weeks. But the middle one we lost a 19 week term son, whom we had had all the genetic testing done on through an amnio as an extra to sex testing alone. He lived for 2 minutes and died in our arms. That was life changing to say the least. Definitely not the same woman I bought home from hospital to the one I took in after that. She still isn't. I remain strong for the whole family.
Hence IVF. We are hoping it will provide the best start we can give, with the best chance of survival. If all fails we still have a beautiful daughter.

 

I should also add that my partner herself is adopted. I'm from a broken family. We have agreed not to adopt as we can still conceive naturally. So 1; we wouldn't qualify and 2; adopting would not sit right with me anyway as there are couples out there who for whatever reason can not have their own children who are far more deserving.
On the plus side, our daughter has 4 grandmas and 2 grandpas!

 

I'm writing this after finally getting this weekend's two emergency foster kids off the bed.

Never confuse fostering with adoption, we do this for the kids, not for ourselves.

They are often in hell and just need a safe home, but all they really want is their own family back.

The focus of Docs is always to reunite kids with families, adoption of foster kids only occurs after years in long term placement.

 

Good on you. Appreciate the work you do.

Im not sure if id have it in me to do foster work while my day job is counselling kids. Id have no break from the horrible stuff these kids go through. Think I would burn out quick smart.

I do want to look into it for later though.

 

*Update*

Thanks all for the well wishes and PM's.
We harvested 5 eggs and got 4 embryos out of that, so 80% success rate is a great result! Clinic said average is normally around the 50% mark.
Best of the batch back in mum. Now we wait and see.

 

Apparently there is a different program in America that is a better success rate, not sure of the name but it is expensive. My old boss and his wife were trying for 10years then they went over there and she fell pregnant straight away. I don't know the full details of it though sorry. I don't like to ask questions about that sort of thing. Might be worth a shot if you really want another kid.

 

Did you go to blastocyst or 3day? That's a great result regardless. I wish you both the very best for the next week or so. I was naughty and started testing at 8DPO as I was too impatient to wait for the bloods. Please keep us posted.

 

It's very tough indeed, I have been fortunate to have both given and received! Personally, I kept a quite comprehensive diary of treatment, feelings and random musings of the child who may or may not be. Certainly not for Facebook or for anyone else to read, and this was very cathartic. I found the nurses to be occasionally, less than sensitive, this happens when staff are doing the same thing, obviously one day is much like another, however, to your wife, this is not the case. This is likely her last chance to have another child, therefore this is completely life changing and although people will express opinions regarding your good fortune in already having a healthy child this is not helpful. She knows that. The desire to have another child, later in life, is all consuming. I doubt medical science could rationalise it! She needs support, quiet solidarity and perhaps some screening of opinion or comment which may be not helpful, although well meaning. Good luck to you both.

 

Sonamic, we hope you and your partner are OK whatever the outcome.

This info may be of interest to your accountant:






I am not an accountant so this is obviously not definitive advice, but we were able to claim a lot.

Hope this helps,

Hugh.

 

Fingers cross! So far your IVF journey has been really good. A friend of mine had only 30% success rate but fantastic end result and I am a proud godmother of a beautiful happy boy.

 

Good luck Sonamic! Fingers crossed.

 

Late update.

Again please excuse the overshare.

It's been a while. But for the few who were following progress, 5 days after the implantation, we lost the embryo. The remaining fertilised eggs didn't last the required week prior to freezing. So this cycle has been a loss. We will research further into donor eggs in the new year, but I'm personally ok with being blessed with the beautiful daughter we already have. Thanks for listening.

 

Sorry to hear it sonamic. All the best with your journey and future plans

 

All the best for the future.

At least you have the option of IVF. When I had multiple miscarriages in the 1970s there was very little that could be done. And even back then adoption was a lengthy and difficult option with the wait time 3 - 5 years.

Thankfully we got lucky and were able to realise our dreams of a family of our own.
Marg

 

Sorry for your loss Sonamic. Thinking of you and your wife.

 

I'm so sorry I hope you are both doing ok and are giving yourselves some time to heal

 

I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune.

If you do decide that donor egg is the way to go, the councilors will likely tell you that you've got limited options for advertising, it can be tough to find someone willing to donate eggs.

I think it's exactly the opposite. People don't often talk about what they're going through when they're in this process, it's hard to find people to help if you're keeping a secret. I found that by telling my family and friends about our experience, they really want to help. We had numerous offers for donors, I was amazed by how generous and supportive people can be when they know what's going on.

You'd be surprised how many people have gone through IVF treatments themselves and those who haven't will know multiple others who have. If you decide you want help, give people the opportunity to help you. I guarantee there's many people who will be willing.