I'm over this "adulting" thing

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by Lizzie, 29th Mar, 2018.

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  1. inertia

    inertia Well-Known Member

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    Love that song - my 10yo daughter introduced me to it.
     
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  2. chylld

    chylld Well-Known Member

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    I resonate strongly with this thread.

    We are working to debt-recycle our loans and grow our investment portfolio, which will one day be large enough to support us through passive income.

    However things are slow-going at the moment and it is really starting to feel like "grinding" - do the same mundane thing over and over until we collect enough resources.

    Three particular instances of 'adulting' are exacerbating this feeling:
    1. Property market / lending climate. We've squeezed what is probably our last equity release through the ever-tightening criteria - even if our income improves, it's unlikely we'll have much additional equity to release in the next few years
    2. Global stock markets. Experience tells me not to panic sell (now that the bull run is over) but even just gradually increasing my cash reserve ratio to more conservative targets requires liquidating a few of my investments and it's disheartening to watch the portfolio grow in the wrong direction
    3. PPOR. Buying a house was kind of a "dream come true" for us but it is a bigger money pit than a flamboyant supercar. Kitchen, landscaping, pavilions, etc are huge bills that never seem to stop, don't generate any income, and add little financial value (see point 1.)
    What's most frustrating however is that after all my energy is spent grinding a day job and patching up the house, I have none left to find clever new ways to get ahead. Day in, day out, week in, week out... I'm grateful to be grinding the final leg of our strategy, but it's hard to stay motivated when it feels like no large-scale progress is being made.
     
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  3. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    Yes, that's why I say I'm finding life a little "groundhoggy" at the moment.

    Get up - school run - work - school run - dinner - ironing - bed - get up - school run - work - school run ...
     
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  4. Angel

    Angel Well-Known Member

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    Leave your daughter at home with her workaholic Dad and go for that drink or six in Adelaide with Alexa?
     
    Last edited: 3rd Apr, 2018
  5. Danyool

    Danyool Well-Known Member

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    I thought you were a Crypto millionaire!!

    Ps did you say you're grateful to be Grinding legs... That should take your mind off things!! Giggitty!! ;)
     
  6. chylld

    chylld Well-Known Member

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    :D

    Not quite a crypto millionaire but it has been a nice boost. Biggest profit from crypto was testing some strategies in fast-forward that I can now apply to my main portfolio, but the net implementation of that is still disheartening because it involves liquidating part of a few long-term holds.

    More than the finance side though, there's just too much everyday upkeep to feel productive. I once joked that I need a clone... is there some sort of financially-skilled "au pair" of sorts? Hybrid PA/EA/nanny/handyman/chauffeur...
     
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  7. Perthguy

    Perthguy Well-Known Member

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    I think that a lot of people would find that "groundhoggy". I am not sure how you can find the joy. Perhaps you do just need a break?
     
  8. Gockie

    Gockie Life is good ☺️ Premium Member

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    @Lizzie - break up that routine by adding in "learn to unicycle".
    Ok, it doesn't have to be that skill specifically. But it's something you learn just for you.
    Re: school run - can your kids ride a pushbike?
     
  9. Phar Lap

    Phar Lap Well-Known Member

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    Perspective:

    Kid wakes up in village in Africa, walk miles for water, no school run, no work, no food.

    You have no problems. IMO
     
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  10. chylld

    chylld Well-Known Member

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    Hobbies worked for me for a while, but most of them are only temporary challenges to pre-occupy the brain so that it momentarily loses sight of the bigger picture. Side quests are fun, but have limited lasting appeal when you already have the endgame in sight.

    67890572fec595934b71201b6f163e62.jpg

    Dangerous to use negative motivation like this. You will work just hard enough to have water, food, work etc but then the motivation does not propel you further. Similar to fitness; if you aim to just "not be fat" then you will only work hard enough to be "not fat", you've satisfied your "goal" and then lose motivation to work, then constantly bounce off that lower metric.
     
  11. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    Ah you city folk ... we live 30 mins at 80-100km from the school, down country roads, with no bus ... although the government does pay me a pittance to drive her to school.

    I am actually involved in a lot of things that I lumped into work - doing a TAFE course on interior design, still finishing off the house, about to plant garlic, secretary on a national volunteer body, currently doing the bookkeeping to get the BAS finished, looking for distributors for (and making) the wine pastes - so work does vary every day. It's more the routine of the timing.

    Anyhow - lunch with girlfriends today - that's always good for a laugh and no dinner :D and then school holidays are only 10 days away (yay!)
     
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  12. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    Geez, some of you guys sweat the small stuff :D.

    In November 2016, on the same day that Trump was elected president, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. So, not only was I processing the end of my personal world, I had to deal with the potential end of the world :eek:.

    On top of that, two months earlier, my 87 year-old mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given less than 12 months with us.

    Within two weeks, my wife started her chemotherapy. At the same time, I was fighting the system to get Mum into a Hospice as she could no longer live in her own home.

    When a love one is diagnosed with cancer, you just have to put your life on hold. I had the two most important women in my life dealing with cancer at the same time. As Malcolm said “Life wasn’t meant to be easy”.

    My wife had three months of chemo and it resulted in three trips to Emergency - on New Year’s Day, my brother’s birthday (3rd February) and the day Cyclone Debbie hit Brisbane (at 2am with trees down, no power, ...).

    This was followed by two months of recovery, then two trips to the operating table and lastly, six weeks of radiation where my wife was absolutely “cooked”. A total of 10 months where we focussed on nothing else.

    A couple of days before my wife’s first surgery, my mother passed away. As her oldest son, I took the lead role in her funeral, then the processing of her Estate.

    So, 2017 was a **** year. But, I look on the positive side. After 37 years of marriage, I always thought it was strong. I can tell you it is now even stronger. I always thought I was a confident and resilient person. I am now even more resilient and confident. And so it goes on ...

    Also, we have reviewed and re-evaluated our plans for the future. Main change is we have brought forward some major goals ...

    So, now when something goes wrong, we just deal with it. When the ride-on throws a belt, who cares!!!

    Don’t sweat the small stuff. Adulting is good ;).
     
    Last edited: 4th Apr, 2018
  13. chylld

    chylld Well-Known Member

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    Some awesome resilience there @kierank! Hope your wife has a better year in 2018.

    I think this firmly defines "adulting" as the menial, mundane, everyday ongoings that occupy time, energy and money. Fighting battles for life is on a different scale and requires strength on an order of magnitude that adulting wouldn't even register on.

    My goal is to get through the adulting asap so that when life starts giving me big lemons (as it does to everyone) I have already earned myself the time to spend with my loved ones, doing the things we love doing, going to the places we love visiting. For me, adulting is painful because it costs time, and that can never be bargained back.
     
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  14. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    Great to hear your wife (and you) powered through such an awful year - and that it has made you rethink. Sometimes we do need a savage kick up the backside to get our priorities in order.

    Yes - the adulting thing is simply mundane, sapping, everyday issues that seem to stuck on a repeat cycle every now and then.
     
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  15. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    After the family crap we've waded through on and off for the past ten years, I have a new litmus test. If "nobody died", then I try not to let it worry me too much.

    But, like Lizzie, I some day just wonder what on earth I ever did to have to deal with a constant barrage of crap. Some days I just want to curl up somewhere. But tomorrow is always another day.
     
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  16. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Glad to hear that your wife pulled through and that your relationship is now even stronger. Often when faced with "Real" challenges it is amazing how we cope and move forward.:)
    You are right in saying Don't sweat the small stuff.
    My wife passed in May 2015 from cervical cancer. A close friend told me to deal with it. While I thought at the time this was really harsh, in hindsight, there simply is no other option.

    Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.....
     
  17. chylld

    chylld Well-Known Member

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    Mo Gawdat reflects on how to find the strength to overcome tragedy in his "algorithm for happiness":

     
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  18. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for putting up that clip.
     
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  19. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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  20. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    What Mo Gawdat says is so true. It is exactly our attitude as we move forward.

    Thanks for posting that clip.
     
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