How would one deal with trying to negotiate and do well in investing, if they lack social skills...

Achimy,

You are not alone. Many people suffer from shyness, anxiety and fear social interaction with those they don't know well. There's been some excellent advice and tips provided to date and I would urge you to take up @See Change's advice (he is a GP as well so knows what he's talking about) and visit your GP and ask for a Mental Health Care Plan so you can at least save on therapy/psychologist fees. We had a close family member for whom this worked very well in recent years, and it really helped him - they are also very good at providing coping mechanism techniques and being able to talk to an impartial third party will really assist and clear your mind somewhat.

Re: property. As others have said, it's up to you to decide which way you'd want to go here. Again, like @Propertunity as I am a BA I may come across biased but it may really take the pressure and heat off you to utilise a professional even if just for your first purchase. Like Prop, we have had past clients who were socially shy and it gave them great comfort knowing there was someone else doing the work for them. Being in the market does involve interaction, however there's no reason why you can't, as others have already suggested, keep conversations to a minimum and put everything in writing via email. You do write well so obviously should have no issues this side. With agents, try to stick to a script of the most pertinent questions regarding the property and collect the rest via email. Written offers aren't uncommon here in NSW and you can always choose to deter agents from calling you by requesting that they maintain written contact only regarding offers and negotiations. It's also useful as a written trail, should any stories change as they can sometimes in these transactions.

Re: stuff to make you feel better and less anxious. Friendships and relationships are crucial so make sure you stay in touch with your friends- if you feel them drifting away take the time to organise an outing or get-together. I have children your age, and though I have no idea what you're "into" I know my son and his friends enjoy the simple things like hanging out at each other's houses swimming, playing table tennis/basketball, kicking a ball at the local park, going to the beach etc. I also think staying active helps enormously, if you don't already do something. Even taking the dog for a walk (if you have one!) can clear the headspace and release those happy endorphins that make you feel better

As for the girlfriend, don't stress - it will happen. Enjoy life and focus on the things that make you feel good and happy. Take the time to help yourself and know that you have family and friends that care about you. Stay connected even in little ways and keep communicating

 

If you've saved enough for a house, don't have many friends, live at home but your parents pizz you off, don't go out much, and despite your amazing savings result, you still admit to a negative mindset...based on all the above; I'd say you have a whackin' good case of depression.

Start with that and the rest might fall into place a bit more for you.

 

It's possible. Years ago, I was having a tough time at work and wasn't really enjoying life much. I ended up getting very sick and had to see a GP. He asked me some questions and diagnosed me with mild depression. I had no idea I was depressed. It is possible for people suffering from depression to be unaware of it because it feels "normal" to them.

@Achimy, it would be a very good idea to see a GP to rule this possiblity in or out or to see what you can find out. Trust me that it is no fun to live an unhappy existance.

 

If you get a referral from a GP, I think you get 5 (or is it 6, or 12?) visits bulk-billed

 

Less than a house... lol.

Think of seeing a Psychologist as an investment in yourself. As mentioned above, if you see a GP first and get a referral, the first sessions will be bulk billed. You should prepare yourself for it first though. If you are serious about changing the way you think, be aware that it will be hard work. It will also be a bit of work to find a good Psychologist. There are plenty of duds around. I saw a Psychologist years ago for a short period of time. It was short but very intense. I was not aware that I would have to do all the work and the Psychologist would only be a guide. I found it a difficult but very worthwhile process. In some ways, it is the best money I ever invested in myself. The experience has been invaluable over the years. It has meant I was able to tackle many issues myself without needing further help. I would really reccomend you see a GP as the first step.

 

Good news - you can be successful at most things by making a list......
Just do the list and do not procrastinate!
23...you have lots of time to learn, change and grow....

Listened to a podcast about a USA investor who had an intellectual disability and had to make lists all the time as his memory was not good.
He started small with property doing simple paint & profit renovations and eventually had enough spare cash to get some employees.
Now he gives them a list every day of what he wants done.....and the list gets done.
He is "successful" by any measure.

So be happy with how you are and get going with your life.
Make a list - and do the list......
Good luck!

 

It sounds like you are quite frugal and very focussed on saving. Don't worry about "social skills", you already have your main motivator that will help drive your negotiations....you don't want to part with cash if you don't have to. Do your research, submit offer, be firm. Done.

 

Good question @Achimy, something I can relate to.

I use to break out in sweat when talking to agents, remember walking away with drenched arm pits every time I spoke to an agent.

What I have found was, the less knowledge you have the more anxiety there is. The more knowledge, the less anxiety. It's like starting a new job, first few days you crap your pants, but after a while, it's like you have bee doing it all your life.

Same with property investing and negotiating with agents. It's rough the first few times, but after a while it gets easier. My best advice is tag along with someone who is more experienced for the first few times, and after that can go out on your own.

Good luck!
Michael

 

Hi @Achimy , don't be too hard on yourself. Most of us at your age didn't have much confidence--especially when it came to buying property. I agree that it might be helpful for you to go to your local GP and get a mental health plan.

imho, I wouldn't get a buyer's agent. Practise your skills--as Jess Pelletier says--by talking to lots of agents. This will educate you, which in turn will help your confidence. Turn up to house inspections, without talking to the agent if that's too difficult. If you feel up to it, you can start by asking the agent a simple question like, 'What do you expect to get for this ppty?". That's a fairly standard question, and you can simply say 'thanks' and walk away without putting yourself under too much pressure. You will find that the more information you attain, the less self-conscious and shy you will be.

Perhaps you can write your questions on a piece of paper and take it with you to read from when you meet with an agent. If I have many questions, I often write them down. Then when I call the agent I have it all in front of me. If I get flustered or go off on a tangent, I look at my questions. Real estate agents deal with all kinds of people, many of whom have poor social skills.

If you have social anxiety, try meditation, or simply take ten slow, deep breaths before you want to ask a question. I have known a couple of people with severe social anxiety. Funnily enough, they had the best social skills of most people I meet as they are so acutely aware of other people's feelings (being so sensitive themselves) and considerate of others. If only we could see ourselves the way other people see us.

I am an only child too, so I know the pressure that brings. My mum cried for a whole day the first time I said I wanted to move out.

Good luck.

 

Great advice. Don't think you have to make on-the-spot decisions. I am a slow thinker and need to mull things over in my mind. Take your time. If you feel under pressure at any time, be honest and say you need time to think it over.

 

Go to houses you have no intention of buying (so that there's no pressure). Find ones in your area that look interesting and attend their opens.

You don't need to talk to anyone else there, just look through each room and form an opinion in your head. Ask generic things of the agent on the way out if she/he is not with someone, such as - How long has it been on the market for? What duration settlement are they seeking? How long ago was the extension done?

Some are a lot easier to talk to than others! Once you've done that a couple of times, try going to places you do have an interest in and see if it feels any different. If it's an IP try to understand that there's plenty of fish in the sea, good deals come up very often. You don't really need to negotiate per se, just get a good idea of what good value in the area is (by looking at lots of properties and asking some questions) and offer that. If they don't accept it just move onto the next one. There's no deadline on this at all.

I was once quite introverted as well, but I believe all skills can be gradually learnt.

 

Thanks See Change, didn't realise it was the same in every state. Good information to have.

My experience is that ATAPS is difficult to access and there needs to be a lot of complex needs to be able to access this program. Easier for children to access ATAPS funding (through my experience).

 

I have found the same thing when doing presentations at school, uni, work... I am not particularly creative, and thinking quickly on the spot is not my strong suite. I also found this while staying at home with the kids and trying to keep them active/entertained - my version of being spontaneous is meticulous preparation and contingency planning in advance. These things did not come naturally to me and took a lot of effort.

I also experience a bit of the social anxiety as per the OP, and I find written communication way easier - it gives me time to consider my response.

I have found through my various jobs (helpdesk, service oriented) that I was able to "turn it on" when necessary. Getting older has also allowed me to care less what other people think or perceive

Cheers,
Inertia

 

It's interesting that some people are able to turn it on as you say, over the phone.
But then still a bit socially awkward in person.

 

But it is something I think that can be trained and improved - like anything, it is a skill. It comes naturally to some, less so to others. Through practice, training, and seeking advice one can improve regardless of the starting point or how natural it is.

Having said that, I do find it draining - socially probably moreso than professionally, but then I have put more effort in to improving my professional skills than personal skills. That sounds silly when I put it like that.

Cheers,
Inertia.