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How would one deal with trying to negotiate and do well in investing, if they lack social skills...

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by Achimy, 20th Dec, 2015.

  1. Achimy

    Achimy New Member

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    I'm 23, have enough saved up for a house, but anxiety and a lack of experiences (in life) makes me struggle to relate to people and make new friends.

    I'm even starting to lose friends and it could be related to a very negative mindset and overall frustration with life. No one believes what I say, and I find it hard to articulate sentences and convince people of ideas. Parents don't share any common interests with me and piss me off and their social circle isn't that big either because they barely do anything either. I don't go out much because of the above reasons.

    I have a job,and I've been saving a lot of my salary because I live at home, and therefore I'm very ready to purchase my first investment (or 2 likely because I've saved a lot).

    What I'm mainly concerned about is how would I go about negotiating with real estate agents, if i'm not a charming individual? Has anyone struggled with this in the past and fixed it? Hoping to get some advice.
     
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  2. TonyE

    TonyE Member

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    Hire a Buyers Agent at least for your first purchase, the money they cost will very likely be less than the money you will overpay if you haven't got the confidence to negotiate well.
     
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  3. Fargo

    Fargo Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you need social skills to buy a house, just make your offer, you don't have to negotiate, they can take it or leave it. It is probably better if you don't negotiate, you might not hear from them again for months than one day out of the blue they might ring and ask if still you want the house even at a lower price. You could even leave it your solicitor, or if you are going to use an Agent to manage it get them to negotiate.
     
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  4. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Good advice.
     
  5. Fargo

    Fargo Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't use a buyers agent you would need more skills dealing with one of those, I don't think it means getting a cheaper property the seller doesn't care who makes an offer they probably prefer not to deal with a B A. Probably better just to engage a RE agent or auctioneer to buy it for you. I used an auctioneer to buy my first property he did it for free, it is be how things were done the expectation and honorable thing to do then was to use the same agent if you sold or for other business.
     
  6. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    Interesting first post.

    I'm not very social either, and I've certainly never charmed any agent.

    I've bought properties just fine. Remember - they need you more than you need them.
     
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  7. Azazel

    Azazel Well-Known Member

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    Some of it can be done via text/email, but you will need to develop in this area to move ahead.
    Try to find something that works for you. Treat it as a game, take the piss with yourself, put on a different hat, whatever it is. Start with acting. Just recite the lines. Put on a voice if you want. Get embarrassed, then push through it. Practice by ringing several agents and ask them the same questions from your script.
     
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  8. wogitalia

    wogitalia Well-Known Member

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    On the property side of things... social skills aren't needed, charming people actually often have a hard time because they don't know how to "disappoint" someone.

    As someone who is self aware as you seem to be you should actually use it to your advantage, set your price limit, bid slightly below it on the first bid and if they come back basically put in the final take it or leave it offer. Don't get caught up trying to charm a real estate agent or the vendor, you're here for yours and yours alone so use your awkwardness to your advantage, they probably wont want to try and sell you the whole story if it's clear you don't care.

    On the more general side of things, you should find something that you're passionate about and try and find a local group that shares those interests, it's far easier to talk about things you're passionate about and as such to get your point across, friends with common interests help. You're aware of what you're doing wrong so it's possible for you to make a conscious effort to overcome it and become more social. Like any other skill it's something that you get better at with practice.
     
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  9. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely nfi @Fargo. Both the agent and auctioneer work for the vendor.

    An agent with you as a client has $20k sitting in their pocket just waiting for you to sell.
     
  10. PatsyStone

    PatsyStone Well-Known Member

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    Might be worth seeing a psychologist to help with your social
    Anxiety.
    It's a common and treatable condition.
    You don't want it to stop you getting ahead in life in any area.
    You might always be reserved but it's very possible to feel the fear and do it anyway.
    Many people submit their offers and conditions in writing.
    I assume you will attend open houses . No real need for in depth conversations . Simply ask relevant questions.
    Charming agents won't get you a deal .
    It will come down to money and conditions of sale. Put it all in writing .
    Good luck
     
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  11. bob shovel

    bob shovel Well-Known Member

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    Have you thought about changing jobs and living arrangements? Shake things up and it can help boost your confidence and outlook on life.

    There is a thread with a list of great books, start reading them and take action to change the negatives in your life. Mindset is very important not just for investing but everyday life.

    From what you've said in the OP its time for a new chapter!
     
  12. Achimy

    Achimy New Member

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    Thanks for the replies.

    Fair point, but how would I learn to do it myself if i get a buyer's agent...eventually I'm going to need to do it myself.

    I have thought about moving out and changing jobs.

    Here's a list of excuses I've come up with of why I'm not doing them

    1. I can't afford to move out as it won't allow me to retire asap. I'd rather retire sooner than live by myself, work longer and delay the retirement. I am single so no dual income. It'll not only make me tied down to my job longer (in my life) with the increase in expenses, but will take up more time since I'm studying and don't really go shopping for myself (groceries) etc. at the moment with full time work. My weekly expenses are like $70 in my current lifestyle. Transport, gym and very OCCASIONALLY eating out.

    2. Only child, so mum starts crying if I even mention moving out. Parents are very narcissistic, unaware people.

    3. I'm in the process of getting a new job, but working full stop, does not make me happy. So a change in career path etc will not really fix the problem. I think part of the reason is I feel so alone. Regardless of the job, my brain will find something to hate. I have no "passions" either. I enjoy saving money but where I work, people like to flash their dicks over material **** they bought or holidays they went on, which doesn't interest me.

    lmao reading this, seems like it's time for a therapist..

    How much does a psychologist cost?
     
    Last edited: 20th Dec, 2015
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  13. bob shovel

    bob shovel Well-Known Member

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    You may find that moving out may give you a new lease on life and as things improve you'll find more enjoyment which will make up for those extra few years before you "retire".... And you're only young!! Start reading some books and get positive! I think your parents may be holding you back considerably, more than you realise. Move interstate or something crazy, you have to have a passion or atleast some interest in something!
     
  14. mrdobalina

    mrdobalina Well-Known Member

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    Can you explain how using a re agent or auctioneer to buy your house?
     
  15. tomlemke

    tomlemke Well-Known Member

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    Hire a Buyers Agent at least for your first purchase, the money they cost will very likely be less than the money you will overpay if you haven't got the confidence to negotiate well.
    Fair point, but how would I learn to do it myself if i get a buyer's agent...eventually I'm going to need to do it myself.

    I used a buyers agent for ip4, i gained more experience from working with him then i did purchasing any of the other places.
    He will ask you how hands on you want to be, you can literally get him to do everything or you can get him hold your hand through the whole experience.
    The negotiation experience i gained is priceless i got 30k of the purchase price of ip 5.
    I chose to use one as i wasn't confident in purchasing inter-state, i lacked time to do all my own due diligence.
     
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  16. PatsyStone

    PatsyStone Well-Known Member

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    Depends if you have private health.
    I might be incorrect but I think everyone suffering with anxiety , depression or other psychological problems is entitled to ten sessions mostly paid by Medicare. I think you pay a gap .
    Ask your doctor .
    Fill out a questionare at your doctors . Eplain to
    Him or Her that you are struggling with social anxiety.
    Your doctor will provide a list of clinical psychologists in your area to choose from.
    I personally recommend seeing a " Cognitive Behavioural Pyschologist ".
    Each to their own but I'm not into New Age style thinking. Besides the pychologist must be qualified .
    People every day learn with help to step outside of their comfort zone .
    You might remain shy that's fine but you can gain confidence and learn better communication skills.
    "Change the things you can"
     
  17. Steven Ryan

    Steven Ryan Mortgage Broker Business Plus Member

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    When your desire is stronger than your fear, you will take action.

    :)

    As others have said, you don't need to be a social butterfly to buy a property. It comes down to the numbers. If buyer and vendor come to an agreement on price and terms, you will have a deal.
     
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  18. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Good point.

    But you need them more when the markets are rising, that's when you have to try to charm them, stroking their ego works well in this environment.

    MTR:)
     
  19. Jess Peletier

    Jess Peletier Mortgage Broker - Australia Wide Business Member

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    Go out and try interacting with agents you have no intention of buying from. Just go and chat, ask questions about the property, and get comfortable with them.

    Read some books on negotiating - @Leo2413 has some good ones. Then just use your knowledge and have a go! Your research and your broker will let you know your max price, so start low and if you get it for lower than you think is a fair price, it's a win! :)

    And if you don't get the property, it was excellent practice.
     
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  20. WattleIdo

    WattleIdo renovating Premium Member

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    If you don't yet have the skills, I would also suggest to go for the buyers agent and see what you can learn from him/her. Doesn't mean that you will always need one but at the moment you could possibly be eaten alive by agents - or at least feel that way.
    With that aspect of things taken care of, time to deal with M & D: forgive them for being human, move out, get some of your own friends, yes see a psych - won't hurt, start meditating - everything you think you are lacking you will find. Smile. :) You're off to a great start.