How do u handle wanting to give one child more inheritance

Discussion in 'Wills & Estate Planning' started by justine77, 27th Jun, 2018.

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  1. justine77

    justine77 Well-Known Member

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    how do u handle giving one child more inheritance if children are doing well but one has a serious medical condition and needs more . Do u try to get family to agree to this to avoid problems and hope no one gets upset enough to contest it ?
     
  2. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    I'd suggest doing something for the one that needs more before you die.

    I'd also say that regardless of what you do, you are in for a world of pain.
     
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  3. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    what Wylie said+

    Personally, I would never give one child more than the other. Its not going to work, in fact you may not realise you could be setting up your children to resent and eventually hate each other.

    This is what happened to me... my brother received money from my father to build a home, today perhaps valued at around $650,000-700,000.
    I got nothing, I hold no resentment towards my brother, or my father, it just is what it is. But I could have easily gone down the dark road, don't take that chance of messing up the relationship your children deserve to have.

    I have seen money destroy families, its not pretty.

    MTR:)
     
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  4. Foxdan

    Foxdan Well-Known Member

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    I think you should speak to all your children prior to writing the will so that everyone understands and has the opportunity to discuss it openly.
    It might be a hard conversation but at least it’s out in the open and less likely to be contested or cause friction between family after your death.

    There are also options for leaving money in trusts depending on how well you think one needs a way to help control a “windfall”.

    Definitely speak to a specialist lawyer to write up your will.

    Families getting ripped apart by “unfair” wills is pretty common. Unfortunately after your death, there is no way to give your reasoning or make people understand why you planned it that way. I’d always encourage it up front so people understand and are more likely to do as you wanted.
     
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  5. Indifference

    Indifference Well-Known Member

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    We planned for this well in advance by adopting a household one child policy.... prior preparation & planning and all that.... ;)
     
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  6. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    This is such a good thread, as it really highlights the importance of speaking to your children about this not when you are gone.
     
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  7. Depreciator

    Depreciator Well-Known Member

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    My 17 year old daughter said to me a few weeks ago, 'Dad, when you and mum die do we inherit everything?'
    I said, 'Well it depends on what we spend before we die and I've been keeping an inheritance points score and your sister is way ahead of you.' That gave her pause for thought.
     
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  8. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    I just tell my 3 that whoever is nicest to me gets the lot!
    I don’t think any of them believes me....
    Marg
     
  9. Depreciator

    Depreciator Well-Known Member

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    I don't think mine is sure whether to believe me or not, but she has been very helpful of late.
     
  10. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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    I would have said

    "yeah you will, including all the debt, so you had better be nice to us!"
     
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  11. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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    ahhh the good old debate of inheritance,

    I hate involving money with family , but I guess its necessary at times,

    so what do you do if you have two kids,

    however, one has won $10m in lotto, the other hasnt?
    or
    however, one has worked his butt off saved, invested well and is filthy rich, while one lived it up and has a dollar to their name


    should inheritance be divided into financial position?

    should inheritance even be given to your kids?

    I am in the boat of every kid should get the same regardless of financial position,
    (different story if one looked after your 24/7 in your final years)
     
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  12. Christina46

    Christina46 Well-Known Member

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    My Dad is one of 5 kids. The wife of one of his brother's has in the last few years been diagnosed with a degenerative disease. She's no longer able to work and my uncle is pretty much a full time carer for her. My grandma already makes financial "gifts" to them and the rest of the family seems to be pretty ok with this - they are in a situation where they have a greater need (and not because they have been slack or made bad decisions), and the rest of the family are pretty well set up themselves.

    It probably helps that much of the wealth was dispersed quite a few years ago with the winding up of the family trust.

    With me and my brother my parents have made it very clear that the wealth is to be divided evenly - despite the fact that I've been told that I'm the one who'll by wiping their bums when they are no longer able to do it themselves! :eek:

    For our family the bigger issue may be in what form the wealth is transferred. Most of it is tied up in commercial property and difficult to divide. Essentially means we will be bound together in continuing to manage the assets (or liquidate). I am wary of this situation as I've seen lots of relationships damaged as result of $$$.
     
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  13. thatbum

    thatbum Well-Known Member

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    So are the other siblings not particularly understanding of the one with the serious medical condition?

    That's a bit disappointing.
     
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  14. Hodor

    Hodor Well-Known Member

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    My parents have spoken to me and said that more will likely go to my sibling for medical reasons will depend on what they have however as they want to leave something for both children. I am happy and supportive of their wishes, it is their money and they can do what they choose. I want to ensure family members are looked after.

    Have seen family members torn apart with inheritance and contesting a will, no winners in that game.

    Leaving it as a surprise after you're gone is much more likely to cause problems as people are greiving and not thinking clearly. Inform people of your wishes and prepare them so they know what to expect
     
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  15. Paul@PAS

    Paul@PAS Tax, Accounting + SMSF + All things Property Tax Business Plus Member

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    Dont let her cook
     
  16. Paul@PAS

    Paul@PAS Tax, Accounting + SMSF + All things Property Tax Business Plus Member

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    Contesting a will in such a situation isnt easy. Courts easily recognise special needs. My Brother has special needs and my parents leave basically their home to their estate and to be held on trust until his death then shared with the surviving siblings at that time.

    I have zero issues. My brothers also have zero issues. Parents have mentioned it for years. Nobody questions it. And when parents are gone it may mean we need to also be carers - IDK.

    This is a issue for estate planning lawyers for sure. There could be special requirements to consider.
     
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  17. Eric Wu

    Eric Wu Well-Known Member Business Member

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    divide equally among them, and let them decide how to share.
     
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  18. ramblin72

    ramblin72 Well-Known Member

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    what happens if one of the other children happen to get a serious medical condition also?
    Unless you're confident the other children won't care that the split is unequal, I'd stick with an equal split and let everyone's conscience dictate their actions
     
  19. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    I tell my two (adult) kids that “our plan is to have our very last cent consumed as they shovel the last lot of dirt onto our grave” :eek:.

    ... and they know how good we are with money :D.

    With my Mum’s Estate, it was divided evenly between myself and my four siblings, despite differing net worth, differing incomes, differing health issues, ...

    It was what was in her Will, it was her Wishes and I was the lead Executor ;).

    In spite of that, it didn’t all go as smoothly as Mum would have liked - we had a few rumblings.
     
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  20. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    If the medical condition is lifelong, and that they'll have medical bills and care for the rest of their life, I'd talk to the kids one on one and let them know how you feel - and that it's concerning you that your decision may cause issues. Let them know you feel worried but also put them on notice that the child that needs more care, due to reasons out of their control, will get the care ... and talk about it often. Don't dictate that "this is what you're going to do" - have a conversation and toss ideas around with them.

    If it's not an ongoing condition, and the child will recover and live a fulfilling life - perhaps gift them a little money to make up for lost time (and I'm talking maybe a car - not a house) - but then split it 50/50. Again, talk to them and toss it around - you might be surprised at how generous the well child is towards their sibling (or not).

    If the illness is self inflicted due to drugs or alcohol - then 50/50 all the way otherwise there will be a huge bun fight.

    My mum and I talk money all the time - it's just how we are - we talk about everything (politics, religion, renovating, business, family, philanthropy). She tossed around the idea, for a while, about leaving the inheritance the grandchildren - skipping a generation - so we discussed how it didn't sit well with me because I chose to have one child, while my two siblings had 4 and 5 respectively. She also gifts the other two siblings often because they've had rough patches due to poor financial decisions and with the amount of kids they have - which I understand. I'd be more than happy if she simply left it all as a philanthropic donation to a worthy cause
     
    Last edited: 28th Jun, 2018
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