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Good life coach? (Brisbane)

Discussion in 'Investor Psychology' started by Bran, 1st Oct, 2015.

  1. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    Can anyone recommend a good life coach? (With/without a formal psychologist training?)

    I'm not interested in Skype, I want one-on-one.

    I need to take action on this, now.
     
  2. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    Why do you need one?
    Try a Kinesiologist ;)
     
  3. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    I'm a clinical scientist, something like kinesiology is not my cup of tea.

    I need one for lots of reasons, in rough order of importance:
    To aid/improve professional interpersonal communications
    Alter my mindset in personal relationship (ie save my marriage, be a better father)
    Set realistic goals
    Alter my outlook in life overall
    Improve satisfaction in work
    Be a better teacher
    Build my business in a positive way
    Maintain work-life balance when the former is an easier path
    Stay fit and healthy (I'm always above average fitness, but want to return to non-competitive national level in two fields)
    Incorporate new hobbies with the view to relaxation eg piano, but in doing so, set a time course for exams that provides motivation without adding stress.

    Basically I'm a ridiculous type A who obsesses and overachieves at everything, but have reached a crux where I'm about to lose my family as a result. This is having flow on effects on my relationships with others (these are few), and my well-being.

    I've acknowledged that this is too much too tackle without help.

    I've had a brief exposure to a life coach and a psychologist, and found both to be transformative.
     
  4. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Well-Known Member

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    May I ask why you need one ? If you share your issues with us without revealing your true id, I am sure many of us are willing to help. PM us if you wish. This forum is for help.
     
  5. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Well-Known Member

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    Even though the list is long, it looks like there is ONLY ONE root cause. All others are just the flow on effect of ONE thing. I am not a coach or psychologist. But your experience is similar to mine to certain degree, I feel.
     
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  6. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kangaroo

    Some people know my true ID.

    Here's an example of how my brain works.

    My plan in February was to settle in to my new job, relax for a year and exercise more. Earn a modest income, pay down some accrued debt. Spend time with the family.

    So within a month of chilling out, I then went back to sleeping 4 hours a night, set up a new business from scratch (with no experience) including full-time staff, two premises, , set up a website (with no experience), got an additional job, bought a new PPOR, started a new language, adding bodybuilding to my cycling regime, established two new research projects, took on a teaching role, presented at a local and international meeting... and the list goes on.

    My wife packed her bags last night and pulled the kids out of bed. This was after I yelled at her sister for being at my house when I get home every day (with her own screaming kids). I had been dropping subtle hints for days that I needed my space and my sanctuary.
     
  7. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    Yes. There is.
     
  8. The Y-man

    The Y-man Moderator Staff Member

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    Not sure if it helps, but sounds like normal behaviour of several people I know....

    The Y-man
     
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  9. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    Even your list of things to tackle is a lot and very ambitious!

    "This is how my brain work" is not an excuse not to communicate properly. Dropping hints and expecting people to pick it up is not how adults suppose to communicate.

    The issue doesn't seem to come from your excess activities - it sounds like you're not keeping your words on relaxing and spending time with your family. Why all the activities? What makes your do all of these things all at once?
     
  10. Azazel

    Azazel Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you have a lot of energy and like to keep busy.
    But it also sounds like you need to cut back a bit.

    That sucks. Regardless of either sides reason, you both need to find a resolution as soon as possible. Kids remember a lot, and that can be really unsettling.
    Good luck!
     
  11. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Well-Known Member

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  12. Tonibell

    Tonibell Well-Known Member

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    I've never used a life coach or pyschologist - but I was in a similar position perhaps 10+ years ago.

    At that time I was in a MNC role that involved a lot of travel and a lot of hours - I also had a young family and a few keen hobbies. It felt like a real balancing act and I knew I wasn't happy.

    I had a look around at a few role models - some I wanted to be like and others I did nt.

    I recall very clearly the day I came home and told my wife I couldn't do this anymore and was very surprised at the response of "then don't - just quit". As I thought about it a massive load seem to lift and that is exactly what I did and then found a role that fitted in with my family life a little better.

    While work/life balance has not been perfect and some career and financial objectives have not been fully achieved, I have not doubt that the decision at that time "saved" me.

    I think you are much better off discussing these things with your wife and the people who care about you. When you know what you really want from life then see what help there is to get there.
     
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  13. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes it is beneficial to reexamine our goal to see if we are currently doing is what I really want or if I am capable of doing it.

    I often asked myself what I am :
    Am I a lion or hyena or antelope, an eagle or a sparrow ? I adjusted my way of living accordingly because each of them has their own and unique surviving strategy in all aspects of life . This helped me a lot.
     
  14. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    The thing is, is that I'm not unhappy.

    But I am a pretty crappy husband and father.

    Enlisting a life coach is to strive toward positivity, not focus on the negatives.
     
  15. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    @Bran

    So, you are not unhappy, but you need help not to focus on the negatives?

    How do you want the life coach to help you become a better husband and father? Genuine question. I never have a life coach, I don't really understand or know what they do exactly.

    There are plenty of way to think differently or become inspired or become more positive, however ultimately the actions will need to come from you
     
  16. Ace in the Hole

    Ace in the Hole Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Good luck on your quest in finding a life coach.
    I do believe it will help you if that's the guidance you need.
    What happened to your last life coach, are they not available anymore?
     
  17. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    They are a coach similar to any other. But they aid you to define your goals, and then aid you in finding the solution. You envisage the endpoint, and they help you come up with the pathway to get their, with tangible steps. They help reframe your thoughts and language, to one more positive. The one Ive had experience with also used relaxation techniques and mindfulness as an adjunct.

    Its about bettering yourself by improving what you convey to others. And the infectivity of that positive outlook. Its about developing leadership qualities, and then using the same techniques on others, such that they come up with their own solutions as well.

    It generally differs from a psychologist as they are not delving into the past, but using your actions to shape the future. A life coach doesn't give you any answers, but helps you develop the tools to do it yourself.

    I encountered it as part of a short leadership course, and as I mentioned, this was life-changing at the time. Ive done many many courses, and this was by far the most valuable to me as a person, and in all walks of life

    . But I just didn't keep up the techniques. I applied for a year long course to be funded through work this year, but unfortunately was not given a place.

    EN710 - I have no trouble with the actions, and would consider myself successful in many ways. But, I still think my potential is being let down by some areas I can improve.

    Interestingly, much of the focus is not on improving weaknesses, but embracing strengths and reframing life according to those. I like this.
     
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  18. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    She was Melbourne based, and heavily corporate (= expensive for a self-funded individual, I'm sure). If I cant find anyone local then I will look her up.
     
  19. Bran

    Bran Well-Known Member

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    This thread is already a PERFECT EXAMPLE of how things can be reframed.

    Look at my objectives. They weren't really negative. Mostly I was listing things that I wanted to improve. (This isn't negative, eg. I'd like to improve and ride up the local hill faster, doesn't mean I'm terrible at it).

    Then look at the change in my language when I was asked about the 'issues', a negatively framed question. My response then became clearly negative.

    That is EXACTLY the point of a life coach, because it is this tendency to frame/focus on the negative that holds us back from true happiness.
     
  20. Coota9

    Coota9 Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    @Bran

    Everyone will have advice on how you should handle this but I thought post above from @Tonibell was gold.

    The last 9 months for me have been a roller coaster of emotions due to a unexpected illness which hit me emotional and physical like a Mack truck,fortunately I have now recovered.

    The one piece of advice I can give you is above all your family relationships are worth working on as unfortunately we all have a tenancy to take these relationships for granted until you are forced to review them due to a major life event.

    Good luck with it all though as the first huddle is to say.
    "I need help with this"..
     
    Last edited: 1st Oct, 2015
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