Fear of Relationships over worry about losing everything

I think your answer depends on what stage of life you're at. If youre young and have nothing your answer is going to be different to someone at retirement age.

It is definitely a consideration at the back of my mind, but money isnt every everything. Id rather take the risk and potentially live a happy life with the person i love.

Helps if that person has similar assets and future goals.

I also believe what you bought to the partnership should remain yours if you break up and any jointly gained assets shared.

 

Celibacy won't even help since sex isn't required to establish de facto status haha.

 

There is always fried chicken to substitue for a celibate lifestyle

 

Yes i do because the laws are ridiculously biased against the main breadwinner and/or male.

Society encourages the male to be the breadwinner and is put on a pedastal

I am very careful on who and what i tell people

If the laws were completely fair i wouldnt have a problem.
If the laws were heavily biased against women, id be offering the girl a prenup as good faith and commitment. But that will never happen

 

Not passing judgement here but could it be that worrying about your share in the deal is a contributor to – and an early sign of – a failing relationship?

 

No, I don't consider this at all..
Some people say "WEALTHY" is meaningless and is very very hard to measure,some people living in parks homeless or their car are wealthy in their own mind,plus from the way is see things,i married up in life,my wife married down,and if i had to start again they she can have the lot,and i know i can do it all over again..

 

One child was nearly over 18 and the other was close to it (I think 15 or 16). He told me it was worthwhile for him (financially and emotionally) to stick it out until they were both adults. Child support would be about 20% of his income? I think he already did the sums when he made the choice. I guess if the marriage was horrible when they kids were really young, he may have made a different decision...

 

The relationship dynamics arn't the issue, it's the relationship breakup dynamics that come into play, which are almost always quite different and a shock to most people.

 

@Terry_w since you first asked the question and you're the resident lawyer, what's your answer?

If I did find myself separating I wouldn't be too concerned, we don't have kids and I expect we'd both be able to walk away with quite a lot. I now know how to start a new business and get on my feet quickly. In many ways though, I can see the appeal in moving to some second world country and becoming a beach-bum. We I single, I'd probably get things to the point where they take care of themselves and just go walkabout for a few years.

I see a couple of separations a year in my line of work. They're usually young couples who bought a house together and need to buy one or the other out. The next most common category would be couples in their 30s with young kids. It's fairly rare that I see a couple with kids between 14-18 separating.

 

Completely off topic but I had always thought you were female.....

Anyway, in our relationship, our finances are separate. I've got my assets, he has his. The only things that are joint are the PPORs (new and old). And even those were bought as Tenants in Common in unequal shares.

 

Divorce is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking in every way.
The best way i can describe it is;
The one thing i learned is your opnion on it prior to going through it changes about 180 degress after you actually have been through it.
There is no fairness or "justice" in a breakup as we were designed to marry for life (become one)so our hearts are not equipped to split easily and this includes financially,emotionally and all areas.
I was totally shattered for a looonng time !

 

There is an Australian girl also in Barcelona who posts on here sometimes as well... coincidence.
I'm very much an Aussie bloke stranded in BCN but not complaining.

 

You are aware this legally means nothing in a separation? Makes no difference who name the asset is in - all added to the asset pool to be decided by the court to divy up between parties, including super.

 

This makes a big difference actually.

 

I heard a divorce lawyer on the radio once who said it is a common misconception that a partner can claim any of the other partners assets that were accumulated prior to the marriage/ defacto relationship. Ie when you here of a 50/50 or 60/40 split it is only of assets accumilated during the relationship. So pre nups (at least here in Australian) don't make much difference, apart from documenting what your were worth prior to the relationship becoming legal.

 

Absolutely a valid point

However think of it like insurance

You dont insure your car thinking you are going to have an accident . Does that make you a bad driver

 

I will admit, I have no idea how they decide on family matters today, apart from saying it would seem to be better than fighting out with a non partner in say the supreme court.

I know solicitors years ago used to advise both sides to fight for more, which only runs up the legal bill and emotional toll for many of the ones I knew about. I do believe they have worked to help prevent this.

I am happy to be shown wrong, but my understanding was if you work and buy things together, whether you separate them via whatever method, or if one earns twice as much as the other, if you split say after 10, 20, 30 years then it would basically be half unless you can show you brought a lot more to the table initially, there is also consideration for children depending on age, basically, a lot fairer than many years ago.

 

@Gockie do you guys have kids (sorry if it's too personal question)? But I think what you've there is great as both of the married individuals are adults. Surely, they can take care of their own financials.

The only issue I can see is when kids involved, as the mom would need some time off to take care of their young ones. How will that work? Does your hubby give you pocket money during the time? If so, how much 50/50 or standard hourly rate for carer? It may sound weird to some but I really like to know your thoughts.

 

Yes, but it will be half of what has been accumilated during the marriage. Ie what you brought to the table can't be touched, as I understand it.