Fear of Relationships over worry about losing everything

Discussion in 'Investor Psychology & Mindset' started by Terry_w, 13th Apr, 2016.

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Do you worry about losing your assets upon a relationship breakdown?

  1. No, I don't consider this at all

    123 vote(s)
    46.4%
  2. I worry that I may lose assets but I take the risk

    110 vote(s)
    41.5%
  3. I will not enter a relationship at all as I don't want the risk

    21 vote(s)
    7.9%
  4. I try to have relationships with persons more wealthy that I am.

    11 vote(s)
    4.2%
  1. dabbler

    dabbler Well-Known Member

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    :eek::eek::eek:

    If it looks like a duck, etc.....
     
  2. Antoni0

    Antoni0 Well-Known Member

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    One of my friends always tells me when I visit him about 'the house I had to buy twice".
     
  3. Joynz

    Joynz Well-Known Member

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    Well, you know what they say: love is blind...
     
  4. Joynz

    Joynz Well-Known Member

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    Totally discounting his ex's contribution - what a prince!
     
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  5. Antoni0

    Antoni0 Well-Known Member

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    She didn't contribute very much to the actually house, his parents actually paid for a lot of the house from a family business he worked in. Both cars they drove were fully supplemented from the parents business. Long story short, she slept with her boss and he couldn't live in the same home anymore so she claimed abandonment in court, judge awarded her 85% of the estate. They only had 1 child together but that's how the cookie crumbles I suppose.
     
  6. Joynz

    Joynz Well-Known Member

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    Is 'abandonment' a thing in Australia?

    Either way, with no fault divorce, I'm not sure it would make a difference to a settlement?
     
  7. gman65

    gman65 Well-Known Member

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    What is petty to others may seem perfectly normal to them? If they are perfectly happy doing that, and it works for them, I don't see why its a problem. Some people have their own particular ways, and maybe they found the attraction for each other in things such as this? Who knows, but I've long ago given up trying to get inside people's heads and wonder why their opinion is different to mine!
     
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  8. Antoni0

    Antoni0 Well-Known Member

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    I don't really know all the ins and outs of the breakup, it's not something I would normally ask someone about. I've seen it done a few times before so there must be something in it. If you leave a mother and child to fend for themselves I can't imagine it looking too good in court.
     
  9. Abradolf Lincler

    Abradolf Lincler Well-Known Member

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    Bender: The marriage is a scam.
    Fry: Cool. What's for dinner?
    Leela: What do you mean, a scam?
    Bender: I marry Calculon, divorce him, take half his money and turn back into a guy. It's sort of a two person pyramid scheme.
    Fry: That's marriage, all right.
     
  10. Poppy

    Poppy Well-Known Member

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    I find people discussing relationships on forums very judgmental. It's odd that you would feel it's petty to have separate accounts. For the first ten years of my marriage we had sep accounts simply for convenience (it would have been too messy as I had so many properties with ins and outs) and even though we got married, it was more an afterthought; we never joined our estates so to speak. When I had babies I paid for everything (from my rental income) as I asked new husband to put all his salary into our new home.

    Estate planning and wealth protection honestly did not cross my mind until about a year ago when I realised I had made a few million net and I should probably make a will, for my children.

    Most people I know are not married (not that this is relevant if they live together). Many are gay (again not relevant). Several live in a triad (3 people in a marriage) or live alone but have several relationships/poly setups. If you are good at relationships you are naturally generous and big hearted; you want to share, and you want the best for everyone around you.
     
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  11. Terry_w

    Terry_w Lawyer, Tax Adviser and Mortgage broker in Sydney Business Member

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    No, it is not petty to have separate bank accounts or to keep finances separate. This is a strategy I recommend to most clients of mine.

    What I find petty is those that divide up expenses down to the cents. I know a friend of mine does this - and he is a doctor. He will charge his girlfriend $12 for her share of the groceries for example.
     
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  12. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    And because I made the comment that I find it sad, I'll jump in and say I just am embarrassed when at the Coles checkout, a couple will ask to pay half the bill each. The time I recall clearly, it was a couple clearly well into a relationship (seemingly - you can tell a lot by body language). I know I could have been wrong and it might have been their first shopping trip together... but I doubt it.

    It holds everyone else up, and I just cringe. That is my problem I guess, but it seems to me they are keeping everything so very, very separate. Why? It looks like they are keeping things separate so it is easier to split things equally should they break up. Until kids come along, I guess that might be a fair call, but if one has substantially more assets than the other, and their are children involved, it won't really matter that they've split the grocery bill.

    Just pay the bill and one of them can transfer to the other and not hold up a line of shoppers while they do the arithmatic.

    As soon as we were engaged, hubby's pay went into my account. We pooled our money from the very start. It never bothered him that his pay went into my account and it would not have bothered me the other way around. I worked in a bank so it was just easier for me to make changes. And my account always was offsetting our mortgage.

    It is just my opinion and none of my business of course how another couple lives.
     
    Last edited: 12th Jul, 2017
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  13. Terry_w

    Terry_w Lawyer, Tax Adviser and Mortgage broker in Sydney Business Member

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    Far out, that is extreme!
     
  14. Poppy

    Poppy Well-Known Member

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    That's awful. Women's unpaid labour is invisible - is she going to send him a bill for weekly cleaning@$200pw; cooking of 4 meals@$50 per meal, sexual favours @ $300ph x hours accrued. And then he can counter bill her for weekly cleaning@$25; paying for 2 cafe meals@$60per meal; paying for 2 restaurant meals @ $80 per meal; his sexual favours @ $20 ph (who would decide what the market rate for his services are? Is he any good? Is he good looking? Her market rate is very easy to determine according to act and appearance but his value is virtually worthless.)

    If a wife dies, a husband would pay well over $100,000 pa to replace her with a housekeeper / nanny, not including after hours/night payments or sexual services....

    I guess what I'm trying to say is the worth of a woman is very very high and I hate seeing them mistreated and undervalued.
     
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  15. paulF

    paulF Well-Known Member

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    Shouldn't the above stand for men too though? The value of an individual has nothing to do with their gender(or race or colour or where they come from...)
     
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  16. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    That is true. But how many stay at home men do you know? How many times have you heard about how the man who stayed home, put his career on hold to be a home-maker feels his contribution has been disregarded or heavily discounted when the assets are being split?
     
  17. Antoni0

    Antoni0 Well-Known Member

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    We only assume it was his GF, it might have been his paid sex slave for all we know (only joking) It might have been his sister or flat mate, who knows ?

    If it works for them as partners, who are we to judge.
     
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  18. paulF

    paulF Well-Known Member

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    @wylie , that doesn't make a difference. If 90% of men are horrible, that doesn't mean the other 10% have to suffer for that.
     
  19. Antoni0

    Antoni0 Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to the unions for maternity leave, it discriminating against my gender because I can't get any.

    This gender equality turns up on the interwebs a fair bit and rightfully so when you look at our past history. Things are a lot better now than what they were many years ago, say in the 40 years gone past and statistics for women jobs like CEO's are appalling.
    But one thing I would like to say is there's a lot of assumptions made that a woman's career would have taken her to riches and then the inability to make a good living while parenting.

    My father walked out when I was baby, my brother was 9 and mum took over running a small farm and 1 rental that was still mortgaged at the time. She drove tractors, a small truck, picked fruit in rain hale or shine and hardly knew any English either. Mum fed us, put a roof over our heads and paid off debts without a cent of help from my father or any other person for that matter.

    So nobody can ever tell me that a partner in any relationship is unable to contribute to the table while bringing up a family.
     
  20. Abooking

    Abooking Well-Known Member

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    The question is do you have kids? If so you could stand to lose more than 50%. Its happened to a friend of mine. Same situation.
     

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