Domestic violence

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by Sackie, 2nd Oct, 2021.

Join Australia's most dynamic and respected property investment community
  1. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    Interesting, didn't know you can do that. Although i wouldn't go behind her back against her wishes. Wouldn't want to lose her trust.
     
    wylie likes this.
  2. Ryan23

    Ryan23 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    16th May, 2016
    Posts:
    224
    Location:
    Queensland
    Yeah definitely thats the problem with that course of action. More of a last resort king of thing as it would destroy trust.
     
  3. jaydee

    jaydee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    25th Mar, 2016
    Posts:
    888
    Location:
    Perth
    What if the worst thing happened to her and you hadn't reported it, how would you then feel?

    You have committed to helping her, so go all the way.

    If it was a child that was being abused, you wouldn't think twice about contacting police. It is not much different really.
     
  4. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    What if I reported it (explicitly against her wishes), and the eventual backlash from the guy on her was horrific? Would I not bare that responsibility too?

    She's not a child and she has the capacity to make her own decisions. I may not like her decision but I won't force my will upon her. I think she's had enough of guys treating her with no respect.
     
    thatbum, shorty, wylie and 2 others like this.
  5. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    9th Jul, 2015
    Posts:
    9,618
    Location:
    Planet A
    Agreed - have you chatted with her about you reporting, as concerned friend, and her being kept out of the picture? Again, it doesn't need to lead to any action (ie AVO) but does get something on file so that, if in the future he does something, it's not a "once off" incident.
     
  6. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    I have, and she's afraid that somehow it might come back to her...she's really afraid of what this guy is capable of and doesn't want to make things worse. He currently thinks she's away for work and will be back on Friday. Tomorrow is the day we're planning to get her stuff back.
     
    Lizzie likes this.
  7. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    13,932
    Location:
    Brisbane
    I'm sure you will all be very anxious about his reaction when he realises she is gone. Friday night will be awful for everyone. Does he know where you live? Do you think he would guess who is helping her?
     
  8. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    No he definitely doesn't know where we live and it's pretty much impossible for him to know we are helping. We are being extremely cautious. He doesn't know us either. Also, my friend looks totally different with her disguise on...you'd never guess it was the same person. It's crazy she has to go through this but hopefully in 12 months from now she'll be in a totally different place in life to where she is now.
     
  9. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    13,932
    Location:
    Brisbane
    That's good. Is the plan to leave him a note to allow him time to digest she is leaving him? Or let him think she's coming home Friday. Obviously he will call her when she isn't home Friday night. Does she plan to change her number and totally disappear, or make it clear to him she is leaving, and if he touches or approaches her she will bring the police into it? I don't know what would be the right thing to do, especially with someone who has already committed violence against her. What a horrible situation.
     
  10. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    13,932
    Location:
    Brisbane
    My line of thinking is that for someone with the potential to commit violence it might be better to give him some notice that she's leaving, some time to process it, rather than wait for him to work it out. Could you call someone anonymously (DV line?) to try to formulate how it is best to convey to him that she's leaving, and doesn't want to reconnect?
     
  11. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    @wylie she's tried to leave in the past, letting him know in advance. She ended up with a black eye and a whole host of bruises. This time she's getting all her ducks in a row before she sends him a letter. At that point he won't be able to find her. Everything will be cut. Thankfully she was never big with social media so has no on line presence either.

    I think once she leaves nsw to her family home very far away, she'll be ok.
     
    Gockie and wylie like this.
  12. thatbum

    thatbum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    5,788
    Location:
    Perth, WA
    I think this is the best practice position for a situation like this.

    I've rarely mentioned this on this forum, but my primary area of legal practice for the last decade is as a domestic and family violence lawyer. Not necessarily as a tenancy or property lawyer believe it or not.

    Feel free to PM me if there's anything I can assist with. I always try and make time to help those with FDV issues.
     
  13. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    Appreciate the offer mate.
     
  14. JetstreamVic

    JetstreamVic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    29th Dec, 2015
    Posts:
    325
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Just to provide some further info for you to digest, if it is like the Victorian IVO process, then it is possible to get what is called a ‘basic’ order.

    this is an order which only has some limited conditions such as they can’t harass, threaten, assault etc, as well as a condition that they can’t damage their property.

    I know that she wants to make the clean break, but just in case she finds the need to back, this could be one protection you can advise her of.

    finally, I see dv every day at work - it doesn’t make sense that she would go back to him, or have an allegiance to him etc, but they are so devoid of self confidence that’s all they think they are worth.

    give them plenty of support
     
    Lizzie and Sackie like this.
  15. samiam

    samiam Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    5th Sep, 2015
    Posts:
    2,126
    Location:
    on my way
    Hope she is well and free.
     
  16. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    She is well and she is free :) Recovering with professional help.
     
  17. GreenTreeFrog

    GreenTreeFrog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    21st Oct, 2015
    Posts:
    216
    Location:
    Sydney
    How is your friend going?
     
  18. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    25,034
    Location:
    Vaucluse, Sydney.
    Doing great last we spoke. Once she got away and engaged with some great services she's going from strength to strength.
     
    Marg4000, Lizzie, wylie and 2 others like this.
  19. GreenTreeFrog

    GreenTreeFrog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    21st Oct, 2015
    Posts:
    216
    Location:
    Sydney
    That is great to hear.
     
    Sackie likes this.

Buy Property Interstate WITHOUT Dropping $15k On Buyers Agents Each Time! Helping People Achieve PASSIVE INCOME Using Our Unique Data-Driven System, So You Can Confidently Buy Top 5% Growth & Cashflow Property, Anywhere In Australia