Health & Family Domestic violence

Domestic violence can take many forms; here’s one.

The moment I knew I had to end my marriage — The Sydney Morning Herald

 

Many forms ... my narcissistic ex husband never violently abused me ... but financially, mentally and sexually I was demeand, downtrodden and doormatted

Best thing ever when I summonsed the courage to throw him out ... he couldn't cope with being rejected (despite the catalyst being him having an affair ... one of many i suspect in hindsight) and apparently the abuse was all my fault

 

Horrific how widespread and often insidious it is.

I often think that the example of my parents' loving, and equal, partnership is the greatest asset I've ever had or will have.

 

Sadly, you often don't realise you're in "it", when the "it" is non violent, until after you get out

 

Yes, it's not physical, so often they don't realise that it's abuse.

Glad you made the break. Sadly many women don't, and believe they 'deserve' it.

 

Was a long time ago - but also took me a long time to rediscover who "I" was and regain confidence in myself which caused some issues with others along the way

Sadly, many don't know how to break from "the devil they know". One's confidence and self esteem can be so crushed.

 

A relative just won a custody battle last week. She was granted primary custody after the separation, but 5 years later he decided to go for full custody.

His affidavit was over 100 pages. He documented every time the kids (7 & 9) missed a day of school, visited a doctor, got a splinter, and on and on and on. A lot of his claims were contradictory or hypocritical. He'd harass the kids teachers if they didn't have his permission for something. Anything to do with the kids he'd harass everyone involved, it's been going on for years.

He was emotionally abusive during their marriage, she became more and more isolated from her family. Fortunately she's a GP and sees abused women herself and was able to recognise what was going on. She's also not dependant on him financially. The problem over the last few years is that he's essentially continued to abuse her via the children.

She didn't just win the custody case last Friday, the judge actually invited her to sue for costs (about $130k). Her lawyer is delighted, things the case is a bit of a unicorn. He indicated that there'll likely be law articles written about the outcome.

The unfortunate part is that he's since remarried. He met the new wife through his lawyers, she's a family law specialist. Reading the affidavit it's fairly clear that she played a significant role in writing it. I can't help but wonder what it will do for her carer. They already have one baby together but the same day as the judgement was handed down, she discovered she's pregnant with twins.

The really good outcome of all this is now she'll be able to get on with trying to raise the children without living in fear of him retaliating.

 

My gosh...
And I feel a leopard doesn't change their stripes.

No one should have to go through it.

 

OMG - how awful that, even 5 years down the track, she was still not free from such abusive garbage. And the fact that he had remarried, and had a new family, but still couldn't move on.

Fabulous outcome for her - but, my goodness, how strong has she had to be over the years to put up with such malicious BS.

I was extremely fortunate there were no kids involved so the break could be clean - but I have heard of many cases where the other party cannot emotionally move on (even if they are the one that took the step to breakup). I actually feel sorry for his new wife as, now that he can't target his ex, she is next in his "control" sights

 

I remember clearly as a tiny girl in the sixties watching my parents and thinking if this is marriage leave me out. My poor Mum met my Dad when she was 14 and only had 9 weeks release from him when he pre deceased her, no matter how often she ran, he always found her.
I stayed true to myself and still had my kids on my terms with no interference and god I am so lucky!

 

I am single as they come.
But if any partner of mine had an affair. She would be out the door. No ifs or buts.

 

Yet again we are dealing with violence against women And the sentence is community corrections.... WTF

This is a disgrace, makes my blood boil.

The attacker’s defence was .........he was drunk, yet he made sure he dragged her into a laneway to ensure he would not be seen....

Shame on us....

Footballer who attacked woman in Melbourne laneway avoids jail

 

Out of touch justice system, no doubt there were some features of the attacker that lead to such a light sentence by the comments made

 

No empathy for the victims, their families, or the community at large.

 

Wow. Talk about having to earn your money.

 

Might want to put a - - on the end of that. First time I read it, sounded like unempathetic sarcasm ... and then I put my other hat on

 

I noticed, at my local Bunnings today, that they've got their box out the front for people to donate a "handbag" of toiletries and little luxuries to go to domestic violence women in shelters, as a Christmas gift.

Did this last year and will do again. Just some nice soaps and deodorants and sanity products and hair products and manicure (nail file etc) products ... and whatever else you take for granted but would be gratefully appreciated by someone who had nothing

In a nice small beach bag or similar ... means the world that someone cares

 

Inner child healing needs to happen. Coming from dysfunctional abusive non connected families growing up and that is what you attract into your experience as an adult.

 

The responsibility for domestic violence is always with the perpetrator.

I agree that there can be ‘cycles’ - with some victims growing up without a sense that there is another choice - but plenty of women from “normal’ families are abused (and killed) too.