Do you buy (xmas presents) for relatives you don't like?

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by Otie, 20th Dec, 2017.

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  1. Otie

    Otie Well-Known Member

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    Do you feel pressured to buy presents for relatives you secretly hate and you know they hate you?

    I get absolute crap gifts from them (often regifted (that I've seen in their house or they've forgotten they told me they were given/or stuff they get for free from work)
    I don't know why I waste my time/money buying them things I think they would like, when I know the thought is never returned.
    I really feel like telling them not to bother buying us gifts at all so we don't have to buy for them. We have absolutely no relationship with one family, yet for some stupid reason buy them gifts at xmas. My husband told his sibling that our gifts are never appreciated by one of the other siblings kids and she said thats because he only likes gaming. You have to buy him gaming stuff. I don't buy this kid gaming stuff because that all the little brat does and I think he could use some time away from a screen, instead I buy him board games, books, clothes etc. He literally rips it opens and throws into the pile when we have been around to exchange gifts in the past.
    Im at the point where I feel like telling them lets just donate to a charity instead, but their all selfish *******s who would never consider such thing
     
  2. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

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    I don’t think there would be any secret of the fact you hate them judging by your post, so you might as well just stop presents completely.

    You’ve been told what the kid likes, but you deliberately buy something else because you like it better and you wonder why they’re not enthused? Strange.
     
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  3. Terry_w

    Terry_w Well-Known Member Business Member

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    Why don't you just regift the item back to them the next year.
     
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  4. Otie

    Otie Well-Known Member

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    the problem is I have always taken the time to buy them nice things and things I think they would like, but I always get crap back. Im not confrontational and always keep the peace, they would never know how I feel.
     
  5. Otie

    Otie Well-Known Member

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    Lol the mozzie zapper?
     
  6. MTR

    MTR Material Girl Premium Member

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    You have a problem which can be simply resolved by stating what you will be doing in future... no gifts. Its your choice.

    We did this with relatives years ago now, as it caused too much pressure and stress.

    I also think there are stats around which state 80% hate their xmas pressies, what's the point. Life too short to worry about what other people want, or think of you... just do it
     
  7. MTR

    MTR Material Girl Premium Member

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  8. Biz

    Biz Well-Known Member

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    As my Yugoslav father in law always says in in his thick accent:

    "Too many presents in this country"
     
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  9. Pumpkin

    Pumpkin Well-Known Member

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    I would also suggest to stop giving Christmas presents to each other. Do this before the relationship gets any worse. Hibernate it :p
     
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  10. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    Many years ago my brother announced he was no longer buying Christmas or birthday gifts - for anyone. Or sending Christmas cards. No animosity or ill feeling, he just decided to opt out. .

    He also said he did not want to stop anyone buying them gifts or sending cards, but to recognise were doing it because they wanted to and not to expect anything in return.

    No problems, no issues.

    You can simply tell these relatives you are no longer buying presents for them. As you dislike them (hate is a very strong word), it should not bother you if they take offence.

    If you do continue, buy the gaming kid an iTunes voucher. The whole point of a gift is to give something the recipient will like, not something you believe is good for them. (Jocks and socks anyone?)
    Marg
     
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  11. MTR

    MTR Material Girl Premium Member

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    anyone watch Brigit Jones' Diary, classic ........Christmas jumper mum purchased for her dear son... how thoughtful...

    Bayview if your reading this, I think this would be your style.... LOL

    [​IMG]
     
  12. vbplease

    vbplease Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't antagonise the situation to be any worse than it is.. life is too short to have ongoing fights with family..
    I think this is the best solution. If they really take offence to money being given to charity, then this is a reflection on them, not you.. It may be worth giving a heads up beforehand though.
     
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  13. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    When our kids were small, we gave gifts that were well thought out but they did stretch our meagre budget at the time. Back then, we have to hubby's four sisters, partners and children, about 20 all up.

    I hit my limit one year when I'd spent about $20 per person (leather wallets on sale from $50 down to $20) and similar quality gifts and our kids got (from one sister-in-law) gifts to a value of about $5 each, throwaway crap. One sister gave everyone free calendars, always had, but I never could give her kids something cheap just because she was too cheap to spend anything.

    Before the next year (2000 from memory) we cut back to just one gift per family and a few years later we all decided to stop gifts altogether. In a way, they all got off lightly because our kids were the youngest and they missed out at a time they still would have loved getting gifts.

    So, I am all for having a family meeting and saying "let's give the gifts a miss from now on". We tackled this on Christmas day and some seemed surprised, but I think everyone was secretly pleased. It just took someone (us) to verbalise what we all were thinking.

    I also don't send cards. If I don't see someone all year, I don't need to send them a card. If I do see them all year, they don't need a card either. I like to keep things simple.
     
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  14. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    ... and last year hubby's mother gave our 28 year old son and his 28 year old partner singing teddy bears. Why?

    She is clearing out her cupboards. Give me strength! :rolleyes:
     
  15. Otie

    Otie Well-Known Member

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    Loving the replies. I feel like its a complete consumerism. We buy stuff just for the sake of it.
     
  16. Otie

    Otie Well-Known Member

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    Your right, as a kid my mum always told me "you don't hate, you dislike" whenever she caught me saying it. I do actually think they hate me though!!
     
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  17. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    We try to give experiences over "stuff" when we can.

    Yesterday I took 10 year old granddaughter (visiting from a country town) to Starbucks. She has been talking about going to one for months. Apparently it is the new "in" thing at her school (to have been to Starbucks) and we have one nearby. Not somewhere I would go, but the look on her face when she spotted the logo was priceless. Biggest grin I have ever seen. Worth every cent. Had to take quite a few photos.
    Marg
     
  18. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    Then that is their problem, not yours.
    Marg
     
  19. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

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    I think I’m @Marg4000 brother.

    For some years my brother and I would ask what we each wanted, then go and buy that specific item. No risk of failure.
    After some time we would just buy it ourselves and give each other $$. On Christmas Day we would say “oh, look what you bought for me”.

    A short time later I declared to all the family I am stopping buying gifts for everyone. And please don’t buy anything for me. I don’t need the extra clutter, if I want something I will buy it myself. If you feel you must buy me something, invite me out for dinner/drink and give me your time (I’ll even pay for the meal/drink).

    It was a hard pill to swallow for some, and for many years my sister continued to buy me something and was always suprised when she got nothing in return.

    We now have kids and we don’t buy for each child. Parents buy for their own kids.

    In order to maintain some Christmas giving spirit we do a stealing Santa each year. It’s a lot of fun, and there’s a lot less pressure of buying presents for everyone.

    some research has shown that Christmas giving actually makes us less happy. Not more happy.
    The stress we place on ourselves buying gifts, spending money we can’t afford, running around organizing functions etc. followed up by the credit card bill we can’t pay in Jan... makes us miserable.

    I recommend everyone cuts the chains of this consumerism madness!

    Bah humbug.

    Blacky
     
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  20. wylie

    wylie Moderator Staff Member

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    We took my brother and my uncle to lunch yesterday. Hubby slipped away and paid the bill, which we did last year too. We bought them a bottle of their favourite drink (scotch and rum) and gave them this gift. This year we are doing a very low key Christmas day and will not be seeing my brother or uncle, which is why we met for lunch yesterday instead.

    They don't give anything to us, and we don't expect anything, nor feel miffed that we are giving to them and not receiving. We are not embarrassed by giving, love them both and enjoy knowing they will have a drink and enjoy it. When you really love someone, you give for the pleasure of giving. Neither of them have a loving partner to give them anything that has any meaning, so we are happy to step in and make them feel special.
     
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