Divorce: what's the split?

Totally agree with Beachgurl. Life is too short to be unhappy.

 

Dear Bran and large supportive family,
Suggest you consider prayer power.
What does a miracle cost?

 

Depends how many imaginary friends you have

 

Imaginary or not, prayer still does something to the brain, as does meditation. We're built for it. Bran would know this. Not a bad suggestion, I say.
Maybe take some time out from work to digest everything and take things slowly and one step at a time. OK you probably need to keep working for sanity but can you ease off from that terrible timetable?
Your kids would rather have your time and attention than the money, regardless of what's going on between you and their mother.

 

work less and let her spend more of your time than money if doesn't make you more miserable
working out any difference is hard but it's not impossible
and you have my prayers

 

No thanks.
I'm a staunch atheist.

 

I'm sending you good karma. Also to others experiencing the same issues.
I lost both my parents last year, yesterday would have been their 71 st anniversary. I clearly remember thinking when I was a kid, I wish Mum and Dad would not live together coz they clearly hate each other's guts. I sill feel sorry my Mum spent that much miserable time with my Dad. Just my experience.

 

i have a few mates that have gone through this a few times,and without analyzing anything if they are a old money old school inner brisbane family then if you go down this road you may well be in for a hard stress full time or,just buy another property and run 2 family homes a lot do that these days..good luck..

 

My thoughts are with you Bran. I think Willair's suggestion is a good one. The two family homes does work, I have a few friends that have done this, no divorce, just living apart for a number of years. The kids have actually liked it, they have two bedrooms and get a lot of attention from Mum and Dad. Both houses need to be near the kids schools though.

 

Best of luck Bran, I really hope you can sort through this without resorting to a separation. Not that I have ever been in this situation but I have to agree with @beachgurl, you really need to put your happiness first. I feel as a parent you can't make your kids happy if you are not. Besides that your young and need to move on if this doesn't work out or you will have nothing once the kids flee the nest.

 

Sorry to hear, Bran, but kudos for putting your children first. Focus of time with them if you choose to stick it out.

Sadly, custody orders still favour the mother, friends son goes through the hoops to get court orders which the child's mother blithely ignores. Takes months and reams of paperwork to even get a court hearing, then she does not turn up, causing more delays.

All the best whatever you decide.
Marg

 

Agree. The system is broken in this regard. Stay out of court if you can

 

What about when they want to meet a new partner?

 

That's right.
You need to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others.
Sounds selfish..but it's not

 

Then the kids get three bedrooms?

 

I'm not really a quitter, so this is all a bit hypothetical. I'd never leave my kids, or my wife. Work in progress.

 

So leaving your partner is quitting? No wonder I've had so many friends and family alienate me if this is the way the majority thinks.

 

No, but quitting my marriage is quitting.

I would be alienated instantly - obviously by her family, but also mine. And I'm a typical professional over-driven male, I don't really have many friends.

 

Take steps towards being happy. Whether that is working on your marriage or deciding to walk away. Only you know what is best. Dont waste your life being unhappy. Making changes to improve your life is not quitting

 

a few weeks ago I was talking to an old guy - 74 years old. He divorced about 10 years ago and was telling me how he regretted delaying it so long. He was unhappy and spent the past 30 years or so being unhappy because he wanted to stick around for social reasons - worried what his family would think, worried about 'losing' assets. He even said if he knew what he knows now he would have given her everything to have gotten out earlier.