Coronavirus Humour

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by TMNT, 29th Jan, 2020.

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  1. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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  2. mikey7

    mikey7 Well-Known Member

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    Corona virus
     

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  3. Simon Hampel

    Simon Hampel Founder Staff Member

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    It may be intended as a joke - but it does have merit!

    Better than a potentially "inappropriate touching" pat on the back like some people have suggested.



    88997084_3451167461564701_6385566571770675200_n.jpg
     
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  4. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    ... and those that do will "live long and prosper" :D
     
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  5. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    With all of the hysteria surrounding the pending deeming of some pandemic and the hoarding of certain non-perishable goods, we will describe this event as 'the Great toilet paper shortage of 2020' when talking to the grand kids.
     
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  6. Tony3008

    Tony3008 Well-Known Member

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    Old joke: The vicar visits two elderly spinsters and is perplexed to see a condom on their piano. The urge to ask why is irresistible. Comes the answer: "Well you see vicar, we found this packet in the street and it said 'place on organ to prevent infection'. We haven't got an organ so put it on the piano. And do you know, we haven't had a cold all winter."

    This is not medical advice :)
     
  7. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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  8. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    From a cake shop in Melbourne, Burch and Purchese
    FB_IMG_1583624175129.jpg
     
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  9. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    I went to my local traditional cake shop and asked for a dozen date rolls.

    They'd self-imposed a 4 roll limit.
     
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  10. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Of course, if they are nut free as per the photo, they would have to be wiped in just the right places
    And now the holy water isn't available in the font. Such sacrifices have to be made.
     
  11. Waterboy

    Waterboy Well-Known Member

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    Were they executed by the Religious Police?

    [​IMG]
     
  12. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

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    It is still all about ME!
    My fear is there will be a shortage of spaghetti due to lack of workers to harvest the crop.

     
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  13. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    Well it's already happening with a lack of spaghetti on the shelves at the local IGA Colesworth.

    The local Salvos meeting hall must be running short of a crowd that the sign out front says "Come to our church service, we have toilet paper".
     
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  14. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    This is a photo of the Corona bug.
    FB_IMG_1583826394469~2.jpg
     
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  15. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

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    UK Virus ALERT

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

    The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

    The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the *******.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    The Russians have said “Its not us”
     
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  16. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Sorry, this has been around for a little while. It was originally referring to terrorist threats.

    It has been attributed to John Cleese, but that's doubtful
    Alert to Threats in 2013 Europe

    It's nice to give attribution; when it's copyright (and this appears not to be from what I can see) it shouldn't be quoted in full.
     
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  17. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-3-12_10-10-11.png

    Large groups learning to breathe through their cloaca, note that they are sticking to the 1 metre rule.
     
  18. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I was wondering where ''Datto's '' been as he has not posted for a while..
     
  19. MTR

    MTR Material Girl Premium Member

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  20. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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