Health & Family Coronavirus Humour

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by TMNT, 29th Jan, 2020.

Join Australia's most dynamic and respected property investment community
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23rd Jul, 2015
    Posts:
    5,574
    Location:
    Melbourne
  2. mikey7

    mikey7 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    30th Mar, 2016
    Posts:
    1,159
    Location:
    Sydney, Brisbane
    Corona virus
     

    Attached Files:

    spoon and Silverghost like this.
  3. Simon Hampel

    Simon Hampel Founder Staff Member

    Joined:
    9th Jun, 2005
    Posts:
    10,137
    Location:
    Sydney
    It may be intended as a joke - but it does have merit!

    Better than a potentially "inappropriate touching" pat on the back like some people have suggested.



    88997084_3451167461564701_6385566571770675200_n.jpg
     
    sharon, TadhgMor, ellejay and 5 others like this.
  4. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    9th Jul, 2015
    Posts:
    6,261
    Location:
    Planet A
    ... and those that do will "live long and prosper" :D
     
    Shogun, spludgey, ellejay and 2 others like this.
  5. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    20,274
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    With all of the hysteria surrounding the pending deeming of some pandemic and the hoarding of certain non-perishable goods, we will describe this event as 'the Great toilet paper shortage of 2020' when talking to the grand kids.
     
    EN710, Sackie, balwoges and 2 others like this.
  6. Tony3008

    Tony3008 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    20th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    717
    Location:
    Docklands, Victoria
    Old joke: The vicar visits two elderly spinsters and is perplexed to see a condom on their piano. The urge to ask why is irresistible. Comes the answer: "Well you see vicar, we found this packet in the street and it said 'place on organ to prevent infection'. We haven't got an organ so put it on the piano. And do you know, we haven't had a cold all winter."

    This is not medical advice :)
     
    1st Timer, ellejay, kierank and 2 others like this.
  7. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
  8. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
    From a cake shop in Melbourne, Burch and Purchese
    FB_IMG_1583624175129.jpg
     
    1st Timer, spoon, EN710 and 9 others like this.
  9. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    20,274
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    I went to my local traditional cake shop and asked for a dozen date rolls.

    They'd self-imposed a 4 roll limit.
     
    Gockie and KateSydney like this.
  10. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
    Of course, if they are nut free as per the photo, they would have to be wiped in just the right places
    And now the holy water isn't available in the font. Such sacrifices have to be made.
     
  11. Waterboy

    Waterboy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    29th Aug, 2015
    Posts:
    895
    Location:
    Sydnie NSFW
    Were they executed by the Religious Police?

    [​IMG]
     
  12. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    20th Sep, 2017
    Posts:
    6,286
    Location:
    It's All About Me.
    My fear is there will be a shortage of spaghetti due to lack of workers to harvest the crop.

     
    Biggbird likes this.
  13. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    20,274
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    Well it's already happening with a lack of spaghetti on the shelves at the local IGA Colesworth.

    The local Salvos meeting hall must be running short of a crowd that the sign out front says "Come to our church service, we have toilet paper".
     
    Sackie and See Change like this.
  14. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
    This is a photo of the Corona bug.
    FB_IMG_1583826394469~2.jpg
     
    TMNT, mikey7, Toon and 1 other person like this.
  15. Lizzie

    Lizzie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    9th Jul, 2015
    Posts:
    6,261
    Location:
    Planet A
    UK Virus ALERT

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

    The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

    The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “****** Off” to “Let's Get the *******.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    The Russians have said “Its not us”
     
    freyja, ellejay, Ducomatt and 6 others like this.
  16. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
    Sorry, this has been around for a little while. It was originally referring to terrorist threats.

    It has been attributed to John Cleese, but that's doubtful
    Alert to Threats in 2013 Europe

    It's nice to give attribution; when it's copyright (and this appears not to be from what I can see) it shouldn't be quoted in full.
     
    LeeM and Lizzie like this.
  17. Scott No Mates

    Scott No Mates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    18th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    20,274
    Location:
    Sydney or NSW or Australia
    upload_2020-3-12_10-10-11.png

    Large groups learning to breathe through their cloaca, note that they are sticking to the 1 metre rule.
     
  18. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    30th Sep, 2009
    Posts:
    5,517
    Location:
    ..Village Idiot...
    I was wondering where ''Datto's '' been as he has not posted for a while..
     
  19. MTR

    MTR Material Girl Premium Member

    Joined:
    19th Jun, 2015
    Posts:
    21,964
    Location:
    My World
    geoffw likes this.
  20. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    15th Aug, 2005
    Posts:
    9,291
    Location:
    Canberra
    MTR likes this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.