Conundrum!

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by TAJ, 13th Aug, 2019.

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  1. Angel

    Angel Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I'll chime in to say that I would be emotionally preparing for her baby - it will most likely take about two years before it happens. Happy wife, happy life. PS, once her body wants to have a baby, no amount of common sense will stop her brain wanting to have a baby.
     
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  2. SatayKing

    SatayKing Well-Known Member

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    It's all about ME!
    Apparently it's termed "senile sperm." It seems the fertility does actually decrease as men age.

    With that in mind I've always wondered about Rupert's progeny with Wendi but without DNA testing.......
     
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  3. Perp

    Perp Well-Known Member

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    Life comes along. We all make extravagant promises - such as 'until death do us part' - that for many people, they find they're unable to keep. Or that it's preferable not to keep, for everybody's happiness and/or wellbeing.

    I assume that when his wife made a promise to wait until a certain time, she had every intention of abiding by that.

    But guess what? People change, and clearly her biological clock has started ticking. It may have taken her completely by surprise.

    To run a relationship based on the concept of 'rules' and 'keeping promises' is destined for unhappiness. As the old saying goes: do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

    That she has changed her mind is not an indication of deception or an unwillingness to keep promises - absent evidence of deception or unreliability - to me it seems far more likely that her feelings have simply changed.

    When people change, they change! (And boy, do I know about that! I mid-life crisised hard.)

    The thing that a person with integrity does when they've changed is be honest with their partner about it and try to find a new way for everybody to be happy (or as happy as is possible), and it seems that she's done that.

    The fact that she now wants something different than she previously wanted is, I think, a really absurd thing to focus on, and a type of "right fighting", which is a recipe for marital misery.
     
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  4. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    TAJ, there has been some very good advice from people who have gone down this road a few times in their life..

    We have several daughters,we lost our first child at birth who was a Boy and i was a day trading stay at home dad for their entire school days from start to finish then the UNI days ..Then there comes the day where i stepped back passed on the baton and let what happen personally and intellectually --happen ..

    This will work itself out mate,as a Father i know that one allows for your children's vulnerability ,but also think about yourself as i have seen so many of my life time mates living and dead burn themselves out once they are above 60 when this happens..
     
    Last edited: 14th Aug, 2019
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  5. Marg4000

    Marg4000 Well-Known Member

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    So son has consulted his father and sister regarding (what should be) a private matter between him and his wife?

    What about HER family? Is she consulting them?

    @TAJ, if you agree with your son you get his wife offside. Disagree with your son and p*ss him off. You can’t win.

    This won’t end well unless all relatives step back and refuse to take sides. Simply tell them to sort it out between themselves, as any married couple should.
     
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  6. Archaon

    Archaon Well-Known Member

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    I agree with others here, as I have no experience myself (31, single, no kids).

    But it sounds as though they could have a kid now where they are, as it will be a few years before a kid will be able to take advantage of a decent backyard.

    If they don't quite have the money to buy where they are, perhaps rent somewhere with a bigger backyard to accommodate and still save towards buying where they want (rentvesting), there will be a few years before school catchments will come into play.

    Definitely talk to a broker to see how much a dependant or two will affect their borrowing capacity, as it may move the goal posts further than expected.
     
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  7. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I share a similar opinion.

    A bit off topic sorry but I'm planning to give my daughter as many leg ups and help in her life as I possibly can. This doesn't mean I don't teach her responsibility and not to be entitled and hard working and to appreciate what she's getting and be very grateful and thankful. I absolutely will instill those values in her. But at the same time I don't want her to struggle too much if its unnecessary and want my resources to help her in life as much as possible. That's probably my most important reason for wealth creation - to help family and close friends in their lives.
     
    Last edited: 14th Aug, 2019
  8. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    We have helped both of our married, 30+ kids with money (because we can). But not a gift.

    We lend them the money interest-free and we all agree to a repayment schedule (to reinforce responsibility).

    If they don’t stick to the schedule, they know that we will be immediately updating our Wills :D.

    Never had a problem to-date and we would be happy to put in the same arrangements with them tomorrow (for a worthwhile cause).
     
  9. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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    im not giving my kids anything,
    not even a first car
    I was given nothing, ive done ok from scratch
    however if they get into trouble and depending on what sort of trouble it is , I will help them, they will always have a roof over their head and food (just not smashed avocados)

    in fact I am going to offer my eldest to pay for half his first car, that way he knows he has to put in half so he will buy within his means
     
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  10. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    Totally agree.

    In 2010, we started down a path to build our current PPOR. The wife and I agreed that we would design/build it with the intention of living in it for 20 years. That became our guiding principle for every decision we made regarding the house and increased the build cost significantly.

    In 2012, we moved in. Now we are selling 7 years later. So much for the 20 year agreement/promise.

    But what we did do was talk about our change of heart. The wife raised the thought first, we openly discussed our reasons for staying/ leaving, the pros and cons, our feelings, ...

    In the end, we came to a new agreement and we are both totally comfortable with what we are doing.

    Life is a moving beast. I would rather break an old agreement/promise for the right reasons than stick with it for the wrong ones.
     
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  11. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Did I ever mention what a handsome gentleman you are..

    :oops:
     
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  12. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    That's what my parents did to me, I even had to pay them interest on a personal loan. I just don't see why hard work and learning responsibility can't also be mixed with receiving gifts at the same time.
     
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  13. Peter_Tersteeg

    Peter_Tersteeg Finance broker and strategist Business Member

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    Had a discussion about inheritance with my parents about a fortnight ago. They've had an offer on their house which they've been trying to sell, they suggested they'd like to give each of us some money now to help us all out in the property market.

    I pointed out that each of their 4 children already own property. We're all doing okay financially, nobody is in trouble with anything. My parents are already quite well off, but I'd much rather they took all the money to ensure they can continue to live comfortably for the rest of their lives.

    They'll likely be gone within the next 10 years and they'll probably leave us quite a bit anyway. Adding a few hundred thousand now to me would be nice, but it's probably not going to change my life. They raised us all well, gave us excellent educations and we're all successful in our own ways. They've done their job, they don't actually need to give us any more.

    Part of this is a bit selfish. If my parents struggle, it'll be on us to take care of them. I don't have kids, but I'd rather they can continue to take care of themselves whilst my siblings are focusing on raising their own families.
     
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  14. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Over the years I have helped my two daughters and son with interest free car loans. After their Mum passed away in 2015 I outlined to them what my plans were for the future, work wise and retirement wise. I made it perfectly clear to them that no monies would be forthcoming for home deposits. Some may see this as harsh, but I wasn't given any, nor my brother for home deposits from our Dad. Our Mum passed away when I was 12, my brother 15. He had helped us immensely just by raising 2 teenage boys on his own. He was an accountant and very financially astute. Having gone on to buy 3 IP's, investing in LIC's and Super I'm proud to have done this under my own steam. When our Dad passed in 2007 my brother and I split the remaining estate. My brother also, is glad that what he has achieved was done without a handout.
    All three of my kids have good careers and a respect for money due to the fact that there were no large handouts. They all realise that when I'm gone they will be in for a considerable inheritance.
    I have only just retired and whilst I have done a considerable amount of planning, nobody knows what may pop up in the future (health, travel, opportunities) so I'm keen to hang onto what I have accumulated at this stage.

    Thanks to all that have contributed to the thread. There are many insightful posts which I will mull over.
    I plan on taking a back seat from the conundrum and see how it plays out. I'm heading north this coming Monday and will be having dinner with my son and daughter-in-law. Should be an interesting evening!
     
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  15. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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    I am quite annoyed by the general expectation of society that parents should be assisting their offspring to buy their first home, where the kids are looking for a well above median and high spec house. and if you dont, you are a bad/selfish parent
     
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  16. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Unfortunately many in society are extremely entitled. And most are oblivious to it.
     
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  17. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Very true TMNT.
    My two daughters have managed to purchase homes, along with their husbands, without handouts. My eldest daughter resides in Alstonville with her husband and my 2 grandsons. My middle daughter in Brunswick Heads with her husband (no children and don't want any).
    My son being the youngest moved over the border to expand his business and has chosen an expensive area to live in, so it is taking him longer to accumulate the required deposit for a modest home in that region.
     
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  18. TMNT

    TMNT Well-Known Member

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    I like your level headedness, selfrespect and morals
     
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  19. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the kind words.
     
  20. Sackie

    Sackie Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    This narcissist is feeling left out :oops:







    Jk...jk..

    lol I can hear my haters seething.:D
     
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