Conundrum!

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by TAJ, 13th Aug, 2019.

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  1. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Background
    Had a lengthy discussion last night with my son regarding the best way forward for him and my daughter-in-law.
    They reside in a unit (rental) in Noosaville. He is an electrician with his own business, my daughter-in-law, a librarian with the local council. Their combined income is very reasonable, and they have considerable savings. He also has a storage shed (rental) for his equipment. My son is 30, my daughter-in-law 34.
    My son wants to continue to build the business and obviously accrue more savings to enable them to be able to purchase a house where they reside now. My daughter-in-law wants to start a family and is prepared to move west from the area to allow this to happen, as homes are more affordable. I feel my daughter-in-law sees the biological clock ticking and doesn't want to put off having children too much longer due to possible complications, which I fully understand.
    However, he is adamant that in the long run property will be worth way more where they are now. I also feel that he doesn't want to be far from the ocean as he is a really keen surfer.
    I don't want this situation to fester, but I sense it will.

    Any suggestions?


     
  2. Propertunity

    Propertunity Exclusive Real Estate Buyers Agent Business Member

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    Yep. Stay out of it. :p
     
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  3. Perp

    Perp Well-Known Member

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    Her fertility has already dropped from peak and is about to fall off a cliff...

    [​IMG]

    If she really wants children, it's time (or very nearly so).

    If he really doesn't want children - and these sound a bit like excuses to me, not that there's anything wrong with not wanting children - then he should own up to that so that she can decide whether they continue to be compatible or not. ie Is it more important to her to have children, or to be with him?

    If he does want kids but just doesn't feel quite ready, well... unfortunately, graph says it's time to get ready.

    Fertility doesn't wait for you to afford to live where you'd ideally like to live.

    I agree with @Propertunity that you shouldn't advise which way they should go - with regards to either having or not having kids, or where they should live - but I don't think it's inappropriate to encourage them to confront the hard questions between themselves.
     
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  4. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    I don't disagree that I should stay out of it and let them decide between themselves the way forward. However knowing my son as only a Dad could, for him to have reached out to me on this is quite alarming.
    My son definitely wants kids. He simply wants to save for another 2 years to enable them to buy where they are now. This is a difficult one as I can see both sides to the argument.
    I was waiting for him to ask for some money from me to speed things up a bit, but thankfully he didn't. My response would have been the same as when their Mum passed away, being, the three of you will get a third of my estate when I'm gone, nothing beforehand. Exactly the same as what my brother and I were told by our Dad.
     
  5. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    To add to this my son told me last Xmas they had decided to wait until they had "X" amount saved before starting a family. It would seem the goalposts have now shifted.
     
  6. Dan Donoghue

    Dan Donoghue Well-Known Member

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    When calculating his costs of waiting two years for the dream home, make sure he can factor in the costs of "possible" IVF. It's not that she will be unable to bear children, it's that the chances of pregnancy are reduced and how many do they want and how far apart? If Kid no. 1 is in 3 years (2 years till buy home then pregnant for almost 10 months) then you are supposed to wait a year before going again so there is another 2 years if they are looking for 3 kids then you are 6 years from now before pregnancy 3 happens assuming everything goes well, she is now going to be 40.

    Just a bit of food for thought, unfortunately when it comes to bearing children the clock keeps ticking for women regardless.
     
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  7. Kinnon

    Kinnon Well-Known Member

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    They can't stay renting where they are now and try to start a family?
     
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  8. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    All good points Dan. They have spoken about having 2 kids, close together in age.
     
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  9. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    They don't want to raise children in a unit. I understand that while they are infants a yard is not required, but they have their hearts set on having their own home.
     
  10. Kinnon

    Kinnon Well-Known Member

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    For sure. But the time line in the scheme of things could be years (and not guaranteed). A lot can happen in that period of time and money can be saved in the meantime then once the first one is getting to an age where a bigger place would be ideal then start looking. That's probably how I'd go about it if it were me :)
     
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  11. Peter_Tersteeg

    Peter_Tersteeg Finance broker and strategist Business Member

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    My wife and I started IVF when she was in her late 30s. 15 cycles later including 2 donor eggs and about $50k out of pocket, we don't have kids. On one hand our lives have worked out quite well, but it has had some very adverse elements as well, especially on my wife. It's something we're going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives.

    No doubt about it, delaying children for financial security will get you to financial security a lot faster.

    I've also seen a lot of young couples buy their first home, or an investment property, wanting to get ahead. Then they have kids and it sets them back financially for a decade or more. Whilst they might struggle at some point, they do get there in the end. Life decisions like this are often a detour, not a roadblock.

    I certainly agree that it's their decision to work through and make, but I've been in that same position and I didn't really appreciate the consequences of my decisions at the time. I doubt I would have listened to others opinions a the time though.
     
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  12. willair

    willair Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    TAJ, it's a pity this has happened just as you have retired and can sit back and enjoy your life after all the hard work saving for this time in your life ..
    Only my simple opinion but sometimes in life it's better just sit in the middle ground on the fence and let them sort it out themselves,because either way if you take one side the other may not agree --then the blame game starts..good luck ...
     
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  13. kierank

    kierank Well-Known Member

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    I told both my kids (now in their 30’s) that it is easier to find a house to live in than to find TRUE love.

    I was 56 when we moved into our current dream home. Seven years later we are moving out/on to our next dream home.

    I was 20 when I met my TRUE love. We married five years later. Still together 38+ years after that.

    Morale of my story: Keep the little lady happy and one will have many dream homes together
     
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  14. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    I suggested this very option to my son. His reply was that they are banking all business income and living off my daughter-in-laws salary, to bolster their savings at a greater pace.
     
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  15. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that Peter. Glad you have gotten on with life and forged ahead.
    Liked the analogy of the detour and the roadblock.
     
  16. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    So true willair.
    I am about to head off soon on a lengthy road trip, could have done without this conundrum, but hey, that's life!
     
  17. TAJ

    TAJ Well-Known Member

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    Nice one kierank.
    My son only sees purchasing a home where they now live as a stepping stone, certainly not the dream home. He feels that if they were to purchase further out he would be miserable as he had let himself and his wife down on what they had previously agreed upon. He is also very stubborn; must of gotten it from his Mum.;)
     
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  18. Peter_Tersteeg

    Peter_Tersteeg Finance broker and strategist Business Member

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    Ha! That's what you get for having kids! :p
     
  19. datto

    datto Well-Known Member

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    Look, I once got hit in the conundrums.

    It was at school walking through the playground at lunch time, when I decided to join a group of young students playing force 'em backs. I went to catch a high ball and it went straight through my grip and hit me in the nether regions.

    Looking back it was best to just watch the game rather than join in and get hit in the conundrums. Furthermore, it was best for an 25 year old ex student not to enter school premises without permission.
     
  20. balwoges

    balwoges Well-Known Member

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    Meghan has had her first child at 36? and all went well, I am betting she will have another very quickly. :)
     
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