Education & Work Chinese tiger mums

Daughters of the original Tiger Mum...

What happened to Tiger Mom’s girls

"THEY were famously banned from sleepovers and playdates, forced to play piano daily and God forbid they got a grade worse than an A.

But the tough love approach to Lulu and Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld’s upbringing, detailed by Chinese-American mum Amy Chua in her best-selling bookBattle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, hasn’t been as damaging to the girls as was predicted.

Chua, aka the Tiger Mom, was criticised by parents around the world for her ‘abusive’ child-rearing method when it was unveiled five years ago. Chua unashamedly described how she criticised them if they gained weight, threatened to burn her children’s soft toys and sent her daughters outside in freezing temperatures when they were disobedient.

But in the eyes of Lulu, 20, and Sophia, 23, their childhood was a happy one — and things really haven’t turned out so bad.

Both are attending plush Ivy League schools — Lulu at Harvard and Sophia is a Harvard graduate heading to Yale Law School — and they have grown up to be “polite, modest and thoughtful” independent young women, theTelegraph reports.

What’s more, they insist they would raise their own children in the same no-nonsense way their mother did — only with small tweaks allowing for wider extracurriculars."

 

I'd like to see a follow up on them when they are out in the workforce and have their own families.

20 and 23 is still quiet young, neither have finished schooling and I would be surprised if they had much exposure to life outside school just yet for them to make a informed judgement on their mother's methods.

 

Sure, I didn’t post the story to argue it was good or bad, just to give a voice to some of the “victims”.

I’ve known several tiger mums and watched their kids grow over many years (the oldest ones would be around 35 now). Results vary from very good to disastrous.

I’d say it could work if the kids accept the whole culture around it (discipline, effort, humility, acceptance of authority, solidarity with the group, pride in the group) but it could turn really bad if they’re "culturally incorrect".

It seems to work better where the parents are well educated. Stern but loving parents also achieve good results.

 

Oh boy...

 

Its all good brother. I failed the subject 'Maths in Construction' in school haha

 

Exactly. What an idiot

I like it how aome of these parents (not referring ti her) seem to think that their kids are goijg to turn out as geniuses when the parents are as dumb as a sack of cement


Anyway. Tiger muns. Sure the kids might not be perfect . But at least they grow up disciplined and hard working. Unlike many dumb lazy and entitled aussies

 

Id much rather a doctor who has the social skills of a shopping trolley say "oh you got 3 months to live, btw what do you think youd be doing in 5 years"

Instaed of

"Im sorry you have a broken finger and now we will have to amputate your foot"

 

Does this thread really need to go down that path? It started as opinions on ideas of good parenting, not cultural insults.

Most people love their children and want what's best for them, we just have different idea's on how to get there.

 

Well this thread is about judging or having an opinion on a particular parenting style.

People are rightfully entitled to their opinion on a style and its outcomes. But all i did was remind others of the potential outcome of not using the said parenting style.

I have a friend. She is asian. Had ultra strict parents like mentioned. She did quite well but not excelled and she turned out quite good.

However she thinks her parents were too strict and has gone the opposite extreme
And her kids who are goood kids are now lazy, stupid, doing pretty bad at school and undisciplined

There are pros and cons to every parenting style

 

Perfect example without the cultural insults

I have great admiration for parents who come from poorer backgrounds and sacrifice unbelievably to better their children. My mother was an immigrant from a poor background and father from country NSW who left school at 11 and was illiterate until he was an adult. Chrissy is from a similar background, just a different country.

They did their absolute best for me and we are determined to do the best for our children, unfortunately I think that sometimes gets lost on the second generation who never face the same stuggles.

Our children go to kumon tutoring and I'm always impressed by the number of Indian and Asian families who take their children and wait around for hours on end to finish their lessons.

 

absolutely! I admire the discipline and dedication of both the parents and kids, even though the kids might hate it

 

Another factor is the child's personality, our girls are like chalk and cheese, the boys are practically twins!

Eldest daughter (8) loves kumon, her school teacher and is very responsible.

Second daughter (5) hates kumon, hates going to 'school' (pre-kinder) and for the life of me I cannot get her to clean up after herself no matter what strategy we use!

The boys (6 & 2) are somewhere in-between those two extremes, the elder one is naturally gifted and excels at school with very little effort, where as our eldest daughter makes a huge effort and still doesn't achieve the same results.

Each to their own, we try to tailor our parenting to our children's individual personalities. The ultimate goal we have for all of them is the same but the path we take to achieve it will definitely be different for each of them.

 

I just guide my kids in the direction I think is the best and let them decide whats suits to them in terms of personal preference such as hobbies and career choice,

but like my parents, I am very disciplined, and I am trying my best to get them discplined,

thank god the ex is similar in the discipline department

 

I hesitated to join in the discussion because my parenting style is very different. I treat my children as "adults in the making". I haven't disciplined my children since they were toddlers.....but I don't feel I have to either.

Of course, they sometimes make mistakes and do things that I'm not always crazy about..........but talking with them is usually enough.

Personally, I couldn't imagine doing any of those things to my children and think it borders on abuse......and so disrespectful and unnecessary to threat our "little adults" that way.

That said, I don't think the "tiger mum" is just a cultural thing. It is also a US thing. School runs for 8 hours. My youngest is in primary school (or locally known as elementary school) and starts school at 7.30am. When we first arrived in the US, I would feel horribly for my kids as they went through their adjustment period. During winter, their are going to school before sunrise.

My middle child is currently doing theatre arts as one of his electives and has been doing rehearsals until 6pm 3 days a week and then all day Saturday for the last 10 weeks.

My eldest attends Math tutorial before school 5 days a week .......it is his choice......he is in advanced Math and wants to maintain his A grade average. He also wanted to play school football as well.......and I had to put my foot down because practice is a couple of hours each day......and I didn't want him being overwhelmed. Our comprise is he plays soccer on weekends.

Then there are the after school clubs and activities.......as well as regional competitions in almost every subject imaginable. Schools encourage competition and excellence......and as a parent, I understand how it is easy to fall for it all..........and forget that we need to allow our children time to just be kids as well. And sometimes, just put our foot down and just say no.

 

This also brings up the aspects of smacking

I have never smacked my kids before. Ive been tempted though

However i was smacked/slapped by my parents probably a grand total of 3 times. And i learnt a valuable lesson in those occasions

I think the occasional slap is a good discipline technique. Illegal it may be

/hides under my blanket waiting for docs to come knocking

 

I know that this is going to sound stupid. I struggled with my first born. He suffered from colic as a newborn. He went from a constantly crying baby.....to horrible 2s at the age of one. Still to this day, he is hyperactive. Sam doesn't walk.......he runs. Maybe, there is a link to his colic and his personality. Who knows. I do know that my other two children were thankfully uneventful and easy going babies......and still are.

I was a stay at home mum......and Super Nanny was huge on TV at the time. I thank God for reality TV......because Super Nanny taught me how to better deal with, and appreciate, my first born child.

I learnt with my first born, as well as with the help of reality TV, that I had to deal with my own frustrations. I know this sounds dumb......but, her strategies worked for me. She made me realise that my frustrations where just that. My frustrations.

I have happy and well balanced children. I am often complimented because they are respectful and well mannered. I don't have to do anything ......other than sometimes remind them of how their behaviour affects others. That is often enough.

Sometimes, they push it.........but, I try to balance that with their overall behaviour and I know that they are generally good kids.

I know many will think that I am too lenient.......but I have a happy home and good kids. I value what I have.

 

Haha. Let someone else take care of the measurements on your development
I hated maths in high school, but still managed to study IT.

 

Not in NSW at least. I believe smacking is considered lawful chatisement as long as it doesn't leave marks and isn't around the head area.

 

Agreed mate. I'm more than happy to sit back and let the experts do their part. Half the time i'm clueless as to whats going on lol. As long as there are the right amount of rooms built as per the plans,..its all good