Children come Adults question again......

lol, I have another daughter but she hates men at the moment

 

Double smarts? Your son is a bit picky

 

I probably don't blame her. I see a lot of younger men these days who I wouldn't even want to leave my cat with them.

 

Hmmm I think a nice, kind person would be a key attribute too.

 

MTR I would recommend you look into the definition of "hypergamy", so you will be prepared for the next time your friend or anybody else is ready to virtue signal to you. And with the double-income paradigm it is quite hard for a woman to find somebody making more money than her and satisfy the hypergamy urges.
There is a thing called biology and it drives our old hardware (brain) much more than what few people would like.

If your daughter is very happy with a wealthy and good man, that is actually the goal when looking for a relationship. Being happy and well provided for? Is that something to be guilty in this post-modern society?

When 89 every 1000 Australians are on antidepressants, it is kind of expected that anybody happy will get a lot of mud thrown at them.

 

I think it may be a crime in Tasmania, not other states.

While not meaning to, you probably came across as bragging. Best to leave his wealth out of any future conversations. Say he works in a bank. Not that he is the CEO.

 

I agree with you. I wouldn't leave my pussy with them either.

 

Meh I didnt fall for a girl with much money sense etc so why should I expect it of them. She very obviously had a decent head on her shoulders or else I wouldnt have bothered. 6-7 years on and we do pretty well for our selves. It's the old cliche but I just want to see them happy, their idea of happy my vary wildly from mine.

 

yes, I agree. Sometimes excitement can come across as gloating, that is the problem, we humans are a complicated lot.

 

I grew up in a poor area. I left school at 16 and went straight into work. None of my family went to Uni, none of my family were rich (or even well off), but hard work was always instilled into me and I watched my Dad work his backside off 7 days a week in the yards building North Sea oil rigs. I followed him into this but didn't want to get my hands dirty so stayed on the technical side and became a draftsman.

When I was 22 and still living at home I met a girl, she was 27 and moved to my area as she'd just finished Law School after doing an Economics degree and a Law Degree and working for free in a city firm for a year, she moved to my area as her then-partner was from my neck of the woods and he was moving back to become a partner in a local law firm. We met through a mutual friend.

A few months later her then-partner walked out on her with little to no warning, she had no life in the area as only recently moved here and lodged with our mutual friend for a while. She started coming to the local weekly pub quiz with our little social group and I quickly became besotted.

We hit it off and became close, we moved in together 6 months later. Talk about Lady & The Tramp, (well, ok, I'm not that bad). But here's me, a working class Northerner and an older, very well educated lawyer.

Suffice to say, her Mum was mortified. (Her Dad was great,we got on really well from the outset), but her mum was another story. The first time I met her she took me into another room, sat me down opposite her and grilled me on everything, politics, upbringing, ambitions etc. I was a nervous wreck to begin with as I was never really good with strangers and quite socially awkward at times, especially as a green-as-grass 23 year old, so I must have come across like a complete idiot as I kept getting flustered.

My cards were marked from the get go. She had no time for me, everything I did was put down. She made it quite clear to my partner that I was not the right person for her and she was disposed. We lived a few hundred miles from them thankfully, so didnlt have to see them all the time but when we did it would be for 3-4 days straight.

My partner would dread her phone calls so would always seem down when she spoke to her mum, which made it worse as mum decided that "oh, she's always down when we talk, it must be that boyfriend!! She's obviously not happy".

After about a year we bought our first house together. Her Mum visited for the first time and I thought she'd began to at least realize we were serious by now. I was in the shower one morning and my partner tapped on the bathroom door and asked if I'd like some breakfast, to which her Mum piped up from the spare bedroom "can't he make his own??". She'd been stewing all night about me not being the right one fore her daughter and this tipped her over the edge, she somehow got it into her mind that my partner was there just to please and run around after me and that one comment was enough to kick her off the deep end.

Well, my partner exploded, I've seen nothing like it from here before or since. She stormed in to her mums room and asked whet the hell was wrong with her, Mum gave it both barrels (all whilst I'm still in the shower). She didn't like me, has never liked me, I'm holding her back, totally the wrong person for her, refused to accept we were together and refereed to me as "well, he's your "friend" and I can't change that", then turned to me still wrapped in my towel and said I had BRAINWASHED her daughter!!!!

Needless to say, we barely spoke for a few years after that and it put a bit of space between my partner and her too.

It really affected me, I went to see my parents later that day and actually broke down in front of them, (the one and only time as an adult that I've cried in front of my Dad). I was always pretty insecure and sensitive growing up with not a lot of self confidence, so you can imagine what something like that does to someone.

Anyway, as the years passed and her mum realized that my partner was actually HAPPY, she slowly realized how she had treated me/us. She never actually apologized to me but she did admit to one of the sisters that she regretted what she had said. It was probably 10 years before things properly settled down and I was somewhat accepted. I'm still on egg shells around here, I always have to watch my words in case I say something that may later be used against me ;-)

To cut to the chase, we have now been together coming up 20 years next year. We have two good careers, several IP's across 2 countries and my own business coming up to a year old and frankly booming. We successfully emigrated from the UK to Australia 10 years ago and have a great life, (whereas the two sisters are both skint, live hand-to-mouth after falling for well educed, seemingly well-to-do men only to have a string of broken hearts, a failed marriage and absentee abusive father of their child to contend with).

Hope that little tale gives some of you mothers out there a glimmer of hope when you see what your daughters bring home, go easy on them, some of us working-class, uneducated types turn out to be pretty decent blokes in the end.

 

@Propagate, I really enjoyed reading your "little tale".

My father used to say "One will always find a couple of good apples in a box of bad ones and a couple of bad apples in a box of good ones".

Something I have to remind myself of, from time to time.

 

Thanks for the counterpoint @Propagate. Some of the responses around here are real eye roll material, almost autism grade!

 

Don't say that. Otherwise, they will be applying to NDIS for funding .

 

I can get funding for my Autism?

 

Why would a successful get man would even want to get married nowadays... I have no clue.
Even less so under 30yo

 

My in laws took some time to get used to me - I was pretty different from what they were used to I think.

We watched our wedding video about 10 years after our wedding, and DIL in his speech, with a resigned and defeated tone of voice says "....and Jess? We'll get along okay." Did not pick that up on the night thank goodness!

Now they love me.

 

I guess you don't have to, its just a piece of paper as they say....

In saying that I don't know too many people that don't want a partner in their life??? Solo will be pretty lonely, good relationship and sharing goals, etc is what helps make many people happy.

 

For richer or poorer, I'd suggest being someone who's financially compatible with you.

If both of you have compatible financial goals, it makes it a lot easier to work together to achieve great outcomes.

If neither person is good with money, you'll probably always been one pay packet away from being broke, but you're in it together and hopefully not blaming the other person for the situation.

If one person wants to save, make lots of money etc, then the other person spends everything, it's probably going to create conflict.

There's nothing wrong with placing importance on financial security, or being happy to live day to day, but incompatible attitudes towards money is one of the most common causes of conflict in relationships.

 

Funny enough my partner is not ambitious, however he is a hard worker, hope this makes sense. When I met him he had nothing, neither did I. However, he encouages and supports me and signs on the dotted line, no questions asked seriously this can be a huge issue if your partner does not support you, and not interested in investing

MTR

 

Great story
MIL to quick to judge and I bet you are probably her favoirite SIL now