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Can you really help people who can not manage MONEY?

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by MTR, 14th Jan, 2016.

  1. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I think this is very difficult one to answer "old habits die hard"....

    From my experience .. NO, nothing has worked.

    What I have found is even if you provide advice that will help, they either wont act on it or they just keep repeating the same bad habits, spending more than what they have and debt just increases.

    What is so tragic is this can ruin marriages, depression etc. when it really can be resolved with some tweaking but if people don't want to change and take responsibility then its a hopeless situation.

    I am hoping someone has some success stories where they have helped friends/family get out of this situation. The treadmill to nowhere.

    MTR
     
  2. Terry_w

    Terry_w Solicitor, Finance Broker, CTA Business Member

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    Yes, sort of. People can change habits, but they need to change themselves. Its like the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but cannot force it to drink.
     
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  3. THX

    THX Well-Known Member

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    None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see.
     
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  4. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Something like this.

    I have seen a relative go from financially secure to practically now owning nothing.

    I am also concerned that it could actually be some sort of disorder/addiction to spending money???
     
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  5. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    You can't help those who doesn't want to be helped.

    Family members who complain about finance are not usually looking for advice. They either already know what's wrong and just want to vent, totally doesn't know what's happening and just want to vent, or looking for you to offer monetary help.

    Very rarely they want to hear about how their current habit is wrong.
     
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  6. tobe

    tobe Well-Known Member

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  7. The Y-man

    The Y-man Moderator Staff Member

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    Agree. Nothing will change IMHO unless
    1. something really bad happens (a financial or literal "near death") where fear drives
    OR
    2. they see something big enough, bright enough to want to get it where inspiration drives (which is what we collectively often try to do here I think)

    The only problem with #2 is that it can create a feeling of further hopelessness ("all too hard", "you were lucky", "too risky" etc), or the "something" is not appealing enough (what? you want me to go without foxtelfox <whatever>? Much easier to get welfare)

    The Y-man
     
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  8. KayTea

    KayTea Well-Known Member

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    I know of a lady who, in her professional life, has been an employee of, and even a branch manager of, a number of 'Big 4' banks. She spouts on her LinkedIn profile of having all these qualifications and skills in finance and investment.

    But her personal finances are in a shambles. She lives well beyond her means - constantly maxes out her credit cards, then just applies for new ones. Her ex-husband trusted her with the household finances (she was a bank manager, so he figured she'd do all 'the right' stuff), but it turns out that she bled them both dry (without his knowledge). He's now trying to reach financial settlement (through the courts, as she won't cooperate, or disclosure her current financial position), but in his research he's found 30+ bank accounts, many bills that weren't paid, and he was even served papers twice because of her financial mismanagement. And she was supposed to be a 'professional'.

    Scary stuff to witness………… :eek:
     
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  9. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I totally agree with you.

    Though I don't see envy as an issue with my relative but there is certainly the blame game happening... "I am just unlucky" etc etc.....
     
  10. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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  11. Xenia

    Xenia Adelaide Property Manager Business Member

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    It's not any of our jobs to help people.
    Trying to help in a way, is telling them that they are not OK where they are and that is not true because everyone is on their own path.

    You can put up boundaries to stop people interfering with your life, I would never allow anyone to get in my way. But if they are quietly doing something different in their own life then I don't see it as my job to interfere. Unless I am specifically invited to - as a coach or mentor. If they are at a stage where they are paying for help, then they are making a change. THEY make the change not the mentor or coach. Change can only happen from within.
     
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  12. Terry_w

    Terry_w Solicitor, Finance Broker, CTA Business Member

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    This is pretty common.
     
  13. neK

    neK Well-Known Member

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    Nope, it's very hard for people to change habits. Been in this situation quite a few times.

    Best outcome was to help find a ppr, set up their loan with p&i, increase min payments.

    It still won't change their habits overall, but it's a start.

    Some people just cannot help it :(
     
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  14. Joshwaaaa

    Joshwaaaa Well-Known Member

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    I've tried bringing up the subject with my partners friends as I can see the hole they are digging themselves, 2x new cars, new house, $50k wedding debt and to top it off she has started working from home without telling her work as they can't afford childcare (and they have a secong kid on the way). It is a very hard thing to do as you don't want to go sticking your head where it doesn't belong. A rate rise or 2 and they will be blown out of the water but they have never seen a real rate rise since owning a house.
     
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  15. Rolf Latham

    Rolf Latham Inciteful (sic) Staff Member Business Plus Member

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    My professional experience says a big YES

    3 conditions

    1. Awareness
    2. Willingness to be accountable for a change
    3. DONT enable people's rubbish with what looks like help to most ( ie funding the issues), humans are amazingly resourceful and once they have clarity and want, will usually get it sorted.

    ta
    rolf
     
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  16. mrdobalina

    mrdobalina Well-Known Member

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    Shoes and handbag addiction can be devastating.
     
  17. BigKahuna

    BigKahuna Well-Known Member

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    Wow. I sometimes wonder whether money management is genetic. Some children seem to be very careful with their money; others not. That's not to say you can't direct those not so good with money in a better direction.

    I know someone who has worked all her life in a high paying job. She and her husband have made really poor decisions, buying properties and then selling them at a loss instead of waiting for the market to turn, spending thousands on clothes, trips etc when they didn't have the money. They're now in their twilight years with nothing but debt. Some people seem to have trouble delaying gratification.

    I know of someone else who is now homeless after having inherited a big sum from her partner. Instead of buying a home to keep a roof over her head in her old age, she went out and over the space of a couple of years, whittled it away. It's hard to feel sorry for people like this, but maybe it's how the brain is wired; I don't know.
     
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  18. EN710

    EN710 Well-Known Member

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    I hope it's not genetic! Otherwise we will start having this "I'm poor because I'm genetically not build for it. Everybody else need to provide for me"

    I would argue it's a habit built for a long time. Delayed gratification, like discipline, is something that people need to train for years.
     
  19. Mombius Hibachi

    Mombius Hibachi Well-Known Member

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    If it ruins depression, that's a good thing, surely? ;)

    I have been in financial planning for over ten years and have had many many discussions about personal finance with friends and acquaintances over the years. I've told multiple people if they want some help with their money handling skills, I'd be more than happy to volunteer my time to help them, all they have to do is ask.

    So far, the number of people that have asked is... drum roll... zero.

    And that's okay. Breaking habits and acknowledging one has considerable financial issues are two very difficult scenarios to face.
     
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  20. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Its a tough one.
    I pretty much sit on the sidelines now, no point, they have to want to change their life
     
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