Bullying

This stuff is heartbreaking. To not be able to stop someone killing themselves because they think they will be bullied their whole lives is tragic. They are too young to realise that there are options and that after school most of the bullying stops. Some are too fragile to listen to parents or friends and believe everone hates them and they have no value. Some cannot believe things will improve as they grow older and stronger within themselves.

And, of course, some never grow stronger within themselves. But if we as parents, teachers could just convince these young, vulnerable people that there is hope, and get them past the danger time, they could find a way through to a place where they have matured enough to understand this horrible time will fade away. So sad.

 

I don't mind intervention when it is warranted- and in many cases it is. I have been the victim of bullying, even through my working life, when people haven't wanted me on the job due to age.

Children (and adults) need to know what bullying is and how to deal with it. I took courses in this only after I went to another employer. Children need to learn this, and teachers need to recognise it- properly, and not to wrongly diagnose a problem which is not a problem. Teasing isn't good, and it should have been corrected- 3 days suspension for teasing is over the top.

I was teased as a child too, and it was humiliating. I wonder if some of the people who say that teasing is only par for the course are the teasers, not the teasees.

As far as self esteem. To this day, I cannot enjoy participating in sports because there was only room for winners when I was at school. There was no space left for people to be able to enjoy participating even if they weren't very good. Every sports match, the captains picked people for their teams one by one- and I was always the 2nd or 3rd last. There is a need for competition, but there should be a space for others as well.

 

We have friends with bi-racial kids and what tends to happen in some cases is that they are rejected by both racial groups.

We were talking with a friend of ours a few weeks ago (she is African, her husband is of European descent) and they were explaining that their teenage son was having a lot of trouble fitting in where they lived in Melbourne because of his mixed heritage - the African kids didn't think he was African enough, while the white kids didn't think he was white enough. Can't win.

We have a family member who married a Filipino girl (they went to school together in a regional area!), and I believe their bi-racial daughter experienced bullying when she was growing up too for the same reason - not Asian enough and not white enough.

We also know plenty of people through our adoption network who have lived in regional areas and their kids have experienced bullying because they weren't like all the other kids. It's not universal - but it does happen frequently enough that it affects our decision about where we would choose to live with our adopted kids.

I think these issues occur more in areas where there hasn't yet been much racial mixing - so you don't tend to get the full spectrum of colours and diversity of ethnicities. That's what I like about parts of Sydney where there is a real mixture of cultures - you do get a real spectrum and everybody is able to just fit in somewhere.

 

I think there are many reasons why kids refuse to play with each other. Doing it based on skin colour is unfortunate (and yes, technically it's racial discrimination), but it's hardly bullying or worth making a big deal about IMO.

While inclusion in the schoolyard is a worthy goal to be striving for and should be encouraged, you can't force it - that just builds resentment. I know if I was told that I had to play with someone, I'd be pretty grumpy about it. If it turned out we had shared interests or some other reason to socialise, perhaps the attitude would change - that's where education comes in - you don't know what you're potentially missing out on if you don't at least give them a go.

Of course, if it were in the classroom - "I don't want to sit next to him because he isn't brown enough" is not acceptable and the teacher should get involved there. But schoolyard stuff (provided it's not actually bullying) is part of the social dynamic which kids need to work out for themselves IMO.

 

I'm assuming that Caucasian kids are the majority at his school? In which case it certainly seems more like a case of "white privilege" than anything. Your grandson could go and play with any kid who looks like him - there's bound to be lots of them. There's probably relatively few "brown" kids for the others to play with. That's an assumption on my part of course - and not meant as a criticism, just an observation.

It's about minorities and yes, reverse racism does exist and yes, it is unfair, but at the same time in a society which favours white people who are native English speakers - then it's not exactly something he can't escape and blend in, not being in a minority.

At the end of the day, I'm always saddened when people (including kids) discriminate against each other based on things they have no control over (ie their physical appearance) - no matter if there are majorities or not. You have to wonder if those kids had picked up the "you're not brown enough" attitude from their family or if there was something else going on.