Apparently it's Divorcing Season...............

Disrespectful fights (name calling etc) are definitely not good. But disagreeing can be a good thing.

I once had a friend who was engaged to a woman. They had the perfect relationship, never had one argument.

Right up to the day she left him!

There's a saying: 'if you never disagree, one of you is a doormat'. - or maybe just doesn't care...

 

Yeah it sucks. Not a fair deal at all.

I think also sometimes when kids come along people are stress tested. And then if they cope poorly, for example by being a prick to their partner, I think that just shows a little bit more about who they were all along.

 

Lots can happen in life that can stress test a marriage......no doubt about that.

We have a close friend whose son was murdered, very sad story, marriage broke down. He has since remarried to a wonderful person and his life has completely turned around.

Another close friend whose daughter is a drug addict, they have spent a fortune on private rehab clinics etc. she always relapses, once again very sad waste of a beautiful girl, went to school with one of my daughters. Yet their marriage is rock solid, they have a great relationship.

Many other stress' in life health issues, financial issues etc. can test a marriages.

MTR

 

In this instance it is the educated woman in her 50's who is the violent one. The guy has no self esteem left to leave

 

Yeah good point.

Its unfortunate too, because often the person being let down by the other in the stressful situation, is left wondering what on earth happened to the awesome person they remember.

But even a bomb of a car can go fine when there is no stress on the engine. Rolling down hill or on the flat doesn't take much. But hit that first steep hill and it all comes crashing down.

But you can hardly say it was ever a good car, because it went so long without hitting a hill and having an issue. It was always a bomb, it just hadnt had the opportunity to demonstrate that yet.

And then there are other relationships where they invest heaps in it at the start. Go out all the time, buying presents, making the other person feel special. Then they just stop doing that. They no longer put anything into their investment any more. Or its just a one sided investment and the other person is constantly getting ripped off.

People would hardly say "I purchased an investment property and spent lots of money and time on it, then I stopped maintaining it or getting on top of the tenancy so it became vaccant, etc.... and after years of neglect its now eaten out by termites and has been vandalised and squatted in... Now Im going to suffer a huge loss. I don't understand how it went wrong? "

Then there are like a thousand other ways relationships turn bad. Anyway I really forget what I was going on about. Im just blabbering on now.

 

Please don't think that I was assuming it is only women who are the victims of domestic abuse - I've seen, first hand, what a narcissistic, manipulative woman has done to a very trusting man.

Worst part was that she has been in the role of branch manager for a number of the Big 4 banks, and given that they were married, he trusted her to be effectively and appropriately managing their household finances. It wasn't until it was far too late that he found out that she had spent every cent they had (both were earning 6-figure incomes), and running up debt behind his back. It caused massive problems for him that he will never recover from.

 

Thats tough hey. Abusive relationships can be heartbreaking to hear about.

Often the abuser will drive that person into the low self esteem headspace. Because that makes them easier to control.

They'll isolate them as well for the same purpose.

The abuser often has low self esteem too but its hidden by aggression. Like a dog barking when it wants to scare off something it feels vulnerable around. And because the abuser feels so worthless they think the only way they can keep their partner around is to control them. Drag them down to the point that they feel like they cant do any better.

Its messed up.