Apparently it's Divorcing Season...............

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by RPI, 13th Jan, 2017.

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  1. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Neither will @datto's mower.
     
  2. 158

    158 Well-Known Member

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    Totally agree with this.

    Imagine if there was some time put into year 11/12 curriculum that taught some 'real life' skills like relationships, housing/rent/mortgages, work skills like punctuality/addressing issues and conflicts/work methods etc, investing for future, appropriate social interaction with co-workers/family/friends etc etc etc.

    Even just a class a week instead of making everything about grades and scores would in the long run provide better 'life skills' than any math or english class ever will.

    pinkboy
     
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  3. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Money skills especially (or lack thereof) can be a major source of disagreements. Even aside from relationships, money skills should form some component of what kids learn at school.
     
  4. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    Hope things have improved for you:)
     
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  5. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    I think it has to start at home first, teach your children life skills. Talk to your children about relationships etc etc
    This is what I do with my daughters
     
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  6. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    The problem here comes when the parents have bad attitudes towards money, relationships, life etc. Most people here would have good attitudes to money at a minimum, but that's uncommon in our society. And 35% of marriages end in divorce, so kids from those marriages- and from marriages which should have ended- will also have a bad attitude towards marriages.
     
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  7. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    I don't know the answer only what works for us. However I do believe we need to invest time in our children.

    But...I guess everyone's scenario would be different
     
  8. Nemo30

    Nemo30 Well-Known Member

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    Seems a lot of people here see divorce as a bad thing.... its not. It doesnt mean you failed or are bad at communicating or relationships.

    It means you have changed and deserve more. Life is short
     
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  9. beachgurl

    beachgurl Well-Known Member

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    Yes, society's view that divorce is some type of failure makes it difficult to leave a marriage when guilt and shame could surround it. Is it better to stay with an abusive and/or adulterous partner? Some of the judgemental comments in here, particularly from professionals in the field are very disappointing.

    I am teaching the kids about love as they never saw it in our previous home. And I'm sure the ex is showing them by having the girlfriend stay while they're there. Sometimes there is more love and less bitterness/resentment by walking away. My kids are much more communicative and loving now we are in our own place. It doesn't require two loving parents in a household to show children how to love, respect and care for others.
     
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  10. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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    Fair comment. I haven't been close to a divorcing couple.

    I suspect that not many people have the maturity to handle it the way you have. Otherwise the divorce lawyers wouldn't have the workload that they do.

    I'm sure that there are conversely many marriages where couples stay together where they shouldn't- and end up causing more damage to their children, and themselves, than if they had just separated. There is a high pressure amongst some sections of society for couples to stay together.
     
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  11. Tim86

    Tim86 Well-Known Member

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    Yep good point. But a lot of parents suck at relationships and teach bad things to their kids. So the cycle continues.
     
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  12. geoffw

    geoffw Moderator Staff Member

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  13. Tim86

    Tim86 Well-Known Member

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    For context I talk to people who might have such an emotionally weak partner that their partner blames them for everything and beats them etc... That person sucks at relationships. Including the relationship they have with themselves. And that marriage is doomed from the beginning.

    I talk to parents who were suicidal before having their kids and never learnt resilence and self care so get overly attached to their kids and then when their kids push boundaries the parent has an emotional break down and becomes abusive. That parent has no chance of teaching relationship skills to their kid.

    This is just the world we live in.

    If you are emotionally mature and resilient then thank your lucky stars. And if you happened to be lucky enough to find someone else who has those qualities too then you hit the jackpot.
     
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  14. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I see this and you are spot on the cycle continues.

    Teaching children about relationships/life skills at schools I doubt would work.
    Even if our education systems had the capacity to do this.. if a family is dysfunctional for whatever reason this would only have a band aid effect.

    Just my 2 cents worth
     
  15. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    100% jackpot, you have won the lotto in life.

    This is a very general question but from your experience do you think some men may have issue than women when it comes to relationships, being able to be open etc. Men are perhaps taught to not show emotion? This inturn perhaps could be a problem with the dynamics with their children, they not involved on an emotional level? Don't know? just thinking out loud
     
  16. Tim86

    Tim86 Well-Known Member

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    Nope. No difference in gender in terms of likelihood of having issues in relationships.

    The way the issues may present may be different, but both genders are just as likely to actually have issues that impact the relationship.
     
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  17. Tim86

    Tim86 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah you learn a lot from your family attachment which carries over to relationships.

    Would be cool if you could educate it away. But sometimes life just comes down to luck. Especially with relationships.

    I thank my lucky stars that I met my wife. I got very very lucky. We are on the same page so there is very little drama. 7 years and still no fights. Never once have we called each other a disrespectful name or yelled at each other.

    And thats not because we avoid issues. Its just because when we rarely have an issue to face we are respectful when we talk about it. Nice secure relationship. Definitely shouldnt take that for granted.
     
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  18. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    That is a brilliant.
    I too consider myself fortunate, been married for 30 years, I was a child bride:p. We have plenty of arguments but its Fire and Water, and somehow it just works well, and you mentioned the magic word RESPECT. hugely important.

    MTR:)
     
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  19. Tim86

    Tim86 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah i dont get the couples who are so disrespectful of each other. Its just like, if you really think they are lazy or an idiot or an ass hole etc... then why are you with them. This is who you chose.

    Its like test driving a car that blows smoke and rattles and breaks down on the test drive. Deciding to buy the car anyway. And then spending the next 30 years yelling at you car for being a pile of junk. You chose this and continue to choose this.
     
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  20. beachgurl

    beachgurl Well-Known Member

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    Unfortunately people change. Mine turned into his parents once the kids came along. Never saw it coming. Too late for a refund then.
     
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