Health & Family anyone Adopted Here?

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by jim1964, 31st Aug, 2015.

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  1. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    Would it be a big one to ask you for some further info if you care to share?:)
     
  2. Investig8

    Investig8 Well-Known Member

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    Not really a big one to ask, everyone who is adopted generally has a story, so not to get long winded, if you ask any question I will respond in kind to the specific question that way I can give a more targeted answer which people might need, want, desire. The stories for people are usually very heavy with emotion and hard to dump in a single post, depending on where people are at in their specific circumstance and the comfort level they have to share details.

    I've always found when you compartmentalise you will get better answers in the long run.

    What would you specifically like to know? :D:eek::p
     
  3. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    Thanks
    Basically have you met your biological parents? If so was it a positive experience?

    MTR:)
     
  4. D.T.

    D.T. Specialist Property Manager Business Member

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    When did you find out? How did finding out make you feel?

    Did you try to locate your bio parents? Do you have any form of relationship with them?
     
  5. Investig8

    Investig8 Well-Known Member

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    ** Please note, anyone who is adopted and reads this and doesn't like my sense humour, or feels I'm a little disrespectful in my answers, I'm sorry for your discomfort, it's only a reflection of my journey and perspective and not a general consensus representing anyone else **

    I personally remember being told when I was 12, a contentious issue growing up as my parents swear black and blue I was told when I was 7.

    As the youngest of 4 I'm the black sheep and my adoption story became the be all end all for me throughout my life.

    I was brought up in a society where the male was the bread winner, the alpha and if anything happened from a maternity perspective he was to blame.

    I swore I would find my birthparents when I hit 18, and the laws changed around that time so two way access was available.

    I got my birth certificate and was ready to start the journey of discovery or as I now call it, the boo who whoa me part of life and I was out to get some answers for why I was discarded.

    I sat on this information for a year, no father listed on the birth certificate and then out of the blue a letter arrived from my birthmother.

    I wasn't ready for this, it was pages long, it was heavy and emotional and I had lost the control of how I thought this was going to happen as I spent almost a decade planning it.

    One day out of the blue I tracked her down and rocked up on her doorstep, completely unannounced (not the best way to go about this BTW) and she opened the door, we both knew and she burst into tears when I said 'you know who I am'

    It was over the next 2 hours that I found out the man, my biological father, the person I blamed for almost a decade and was going give a serving too, had absolutely no idea I existed.

    My world changed as a result.
     
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  6. trinity168

    trinity168 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for sharing your stories.
    I am curious if anyone has adopted kids, and willing to share that side of the process?
     
  7. D.T.

    D.T. Specialist Property Manager Business Member

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    Hopefully @Simon Hampel would be willing to share? I'd love to hear.
     
  8. Simon Hampel

    Simon Hampel Founder Staff Member

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    I think we should keep this thread about adoptees as per the OP. Feel free to start another thread about adoptive parents though.
     
  9. trinity168

    trinity168 Well-Known Member

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  10. D.T.

    D.T. Specialist Property Manager Business Member

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    Did this end up being a good or bad thing?
     
  11. Investig8

    Investig8 Well-Known Member

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    Probably a bit of both, I had built a construct of belief all through my messed up teens and the hate and anger was channelled in one direction without any solid reason or based on truth and reality at the time.

    I never thought I would have to deal with the notion that one of the key people in my life, who is responsible for my existence, actually has no idea I exist.

    It was surreal at the time, my birthmother never told him she was pregnant.
     
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  12. Samten

    Samten Well-Known Member

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    I have an adopted daughter.
     
  13. Bayview

    Bayview Well-Known Member

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    I adopted a bad attitude once....still can't get it to move out. :p

    My parents split when I was about 3, and I had no contact with my real Dad until I was about 40...an acccidental reunion of sorts.

    So, I guess you could sorta class it as not having a birth father around/not knowing who he was. I knew of him, but not where he lived or any details, etc. I had a Stepfather in the middle of all this as well from aged 8 until about 45 (he died).

    So, anyway; we had the big reunion when I was about 40, and I got the feeling he was "lipservicing" interest in me and what I had done in life - basically not much interest; from the body language. I felt a bit like I was intruding..can't explain why exactly.

    He was pleasant enough and so on, but it was all superficial; it all died away and we haven't seen him in over a decade. He certainly hasn't chased me.

    My wife was of the same opinion (the superficial interest)...when we talked about this some time later...she felt it too, but didn't want to say anything at the time.

    So, my point is - to all those folks who are adopted and desperate to find the birth parent - don't get too carried away with the whole romantic notion that it will be all fabulous when you ever meet....it might not be.
     
    Last edited: 1st Sep, 2015
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  14. jim1964

    jim1964 1941

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    Yes,although very supportive, i know Mum was a bit anxious over all this,which is understandable,i didnt cut her out of any of it, she chose to come on the ride,having said that, it was Dad who had a bit of trouble getting his head around it, had to approach things very carefully with him.
     
  15. Kesse

    Kesse Well-Known Member

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    Is this still the case?
     
  16. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    Goose bumps:)
    So you met up with your biological father?

    Am amazed how you all cope with this
     
  17. MTR

    MTR Well-Known Member

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    so what age was she when you adopted?

    This is you life, remember that show, your probably too young:)
     
  18. Samten

    Samten Well-Known Member

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    Yeah right ...too young I wish:). She was only 10 days old.
     
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  19. Investig8

    Investig8 Well-Known Member

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    It is still the case, no longer the biggest issue of my life, everything changed 8 years ago when my son was born, he naturally became all my focus and I moved on.:D

    As for coping, there are many worse things people have had done to them and gone through.

    When I was teased and bullied at school I was told that 'I crawled out of the abortion bucket', until a counsellor from school when I was in about year 10 told me the following to say:
    "at least I know I'm wanted, do you?"

    I never got teased or bullied again, just beaten up for stupid mouthing off and being a smart arse as I'm sure we have all done perhaps at some stage in our life as kids. :eek::p

    ** The following only refers to some of my personal encounters with adopted kids/teens and does not account for all adoptees as I know a few where the upbringing wasn't so kind and loving as it should be for children **

    Over the years when I have come across kids/teens who are struggling with the identity of being adopted by a decent family (which is a hell of a lot more accepted now than it was in the 60's, 70's and 80's) I make sure they know how lucky they are to be wanted and loved and sometimes choices are made in our best interest as the reasons for someone giving up a child can be many.
     
  20. Simon Hampel

    Simon Hampel Founder Staff Member

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    Definitely. I think people are sometimes too quick to judge a mother who gives up their child for adoption - in many cases it really is a very brave act of love. I suspect this could even apply to the adoptee who has to come to terms with that decision without necessarily being able to understand it.

    One thing we were asked to think about when we started our journey to adopt children ourselves, was to try and empathise with the birth mother - try and put ourselves in their position and think about the emotional process they had to go through to reach the point of placing a child for adoption. It's not always sunshine and flowers - and not always a choice made thoughtfully - and sometimes the choice was made for them - but in many cases it was an act of love or at least with the best interest of the child at heart and we should not rush to judge those who have had to make that decision.
     
    Last edited: 2nd Sep, 2015
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